Guest Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 I have a friend who is married now for 7 years but who is secretly seeing a guy she works with. She tells me that they have not slept together but that she has told him that she loves him and although he denied any feelings for her at first beyond friendship he recently told her that he loves her. I met this guy when I was working with her and I know that this guy is not a good person and besides that he also is seeing a woman who he just proposed marriage to. My friend tries to validate this by telling me she is not happy in her marriage (although her husband is a pretty good guy) and that she has fallen out of love with her husband and wants to take the relationship with this other man to the next level. Whenever I try to talk to her and to make her see that she is endangering her marriage and making a mistake she gets angry with me. This is putting a real strain on our friendship because I don't agree with what she is doing I think it is deceptive and that this guy will just use her and then throw her away and she will lose everything she cares about for nothing. I have told her how I feel about this whole situation but she continues to call me and email me with all the details. At this point I am so tired and stressed emotionally from dealing with her problems that I am ready to terminate our friendship because I feel that what she is doing is not right. Is it time to throw in the towel?
MsPiggy Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I think you shouldn't get so stressed out and involved with the choices your friend is deciding to make. Chances are she knows what she's jeopardizing and what kind of guy he is. I think you being a good friend did the right thing by telling her how you feel but you can't expect her to go with what you want, just because it's the right thing to do. It also depends on how good of friends you are. If you're REALLY good friends, then I definitely don't think you should stop being her friend because of the "bad" choices she makes. She did say she wasn't happy in her relationship so maybe she feels if things surface she doesn't have much to lose anyway.... Maybe you should talk to her and ask that she not give you so many details because you don't agree with her choices and you rather not be involved in that aspect of her life. Again, I feel if you were really good friends you'd just listen to her and give her the best advice you can for the path that she's taking. If she's not that good of a friend to you by all means - THROW IN THE TOWEL!!
Sup Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Have you considered telling her husband? Do you still have the E-mails? You could show him, he does have the right to know. I know you'll lose her as a friend, but hey, do you really want someone like that for a friend?
Trimmer Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Maybe, whether consciously or subconsciously, she does know what she's doing, and this affair is an "exit affair" to precipitate the demise of her marriage. Therefore, it doesn't so much matter the outcome of the affair, or whether she gets "used", if what she really wants is to end her marriage anyway...
Guest Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I have a friend who is married now for 7 years but who is secretly seeing a guy she works with. She tells me that they have not slept together but that she has told him that she loves him and although he denied any feelings for her at first beyond friendship he recently told her that he loves her. I met this guy when I was working with her and I know that this guy is not a good person and besides that he also is seeing a woman who he just proposed marriage to. My friend tries to validate this by telling me she is not happy in her marriage (although her husband is a pretty good guy) and that she has fallen out of love with her husband and wants to take the relationship with this other man to the next level. Whenever I try to talk to her and to make her see that she is endangering her marriage and making a mistake she gets angry with me. This is putting a real strain on our friendship because I don't agree with what she is doing I think it is deceptive and that this guy will just use her and then throw her away and she will lose everything she cares about for nothing. I have told her how I feel about this whole situation but she continues to call me and email me with all the details. At this point I am so tired and stressed emotionally from dealing with her problems that I am ready to terminate our friendship because I feel that what she is doing is not right. Is it time to throw in the towel? To Whom ever wrote this, ^ months ago I found a phone number in my SO's wallet,After going crazy because I had found the number and after calling the number and knowing it was a women,he told me he just ran in to this 26 year old with 3 kids and married ,they had talked 2xs at the speedway and 2xs at the walmart, nothing else,just bs,told me it was a stupid and there was nothing to it for me to foret it,he had,he told me ne NEVER SAW he,NEVER SPOKE to her he NEVER THOUGHT about her unless I brought it up and yes in the last 6 months I have brought it up. WHY you mite ask...Because I knew I just knew there was something going on, SEE 20 years ago I was his OTHER WOMEN,I knew by the way he acted, the way he was treating me and not treating me, I KNEW and yet he lied everday to me, He KNEW this was making me Phisicaly making me sick and Mentally he knew I was being hurt by this and yet he LIED,.Angie his FRIEND as he says even knew what all this was doing to me because she told me herself....He and Angie both told me they are only friends and she says her husband is aware of there "friendship" and trust her,Than why all the lies the meeting in the park where I busted them sitting in her car. IF this is just a friendship than why lie to me and not include her husband and I in a Co worker friendship?? Yes they work together everyday shes the tow motor op, and if i had not caught them together and he had just told me that it was Angie the towmoter GIRL (26) (hes 47) that she and her husband were cool people and she wanted us all to get together I would have believed him because she weights a good 75 pounds more than I do and I KNOW Iam a better looking women than she is even there boss told me this after I went to him.. If there was never anything except friendship why the hiding ? this has hurt me more than anything, 14 years ago I left my husband to be with him and he left his wife for me, as I said this has been going on for 20 years, I have found little bits of hints through the years but this time I BUSTed him and her dead to right.Angie the girl told me her husband know there friends and trust her all I can say is Iam going to let this girls husband know everything even telling him to go talk to the boss about the rumors around the plant, I DONOT care how much I make this girls life hell, I want her to suffer as much as I have,she is a married women , she knew this evenput me in the hospital and yet she keep up there "FRIENDSHIP" well when I get done with her she will have wished she had never meet George .Your friend is a piece of ****. I would love to know if this is the same fat b....hes just FRIENDS WITH/
Guest Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 To Whom ever wrote this, ^ months ago I found a phone number in my SO's wallet,After going crazy because I had found the number and after calling the number and knowing it was a women,he told me he just ran in to this 26 year old with 3 kids and married ,they had talked 2xs at the speedway and 2xs at the walmart, nothing else,just bs,told me it was a stupid and there was nothing to it for me to foret it,he had,he told me ne NEVER SAW he,NEVER SPOKE to her he NEVER THOUGHT about her unless I brought it up and yes in the last 6 months I have brought it up. WHY you mite ask...Because I knew I just knew there was something going on, SEE 20 years ago I was his OTHER WOMEN,I knew by the way he acted, the way he was treating me and not treating me, I KNEW and yet he lied everday to me, He KNEW this was making me Phisicaly making me sick and Mentally he knew I was being hurt by this and yet he LIED,.Angie his FRIEND as he says even knew what all this was doing to me because she told me herself....He and Angie both told me they are only friends and she says her husband is aware of there "friendship" and trust her,Than why all the lies the meeting in the park where I busted them sitting in her car. IF this is just a friendship than why lie to me and not include her husband and I in a Co worker friendship?? Yes they work together everyday shes the tow motor op, and if i had not caught them together and he had just told me that it was Angie the towmoter GIRL (26) (hes 47) that she and her husband were cool people and she wanted us all to get together I would have believed him because she weights a good 75 pounds more than I do and I KNOW Iam a better looking women than she is even there boss told me this after I went to him.. If there was never anything except friendship why the hiding ? this has hurt me more than anything, 14 years ago I left my husband to be with him and he left his wife for me, as I said this has been going on for 20 years, I have found little bits of hints through the years but this time I BUSTed him and her dead to right.Angie the girl told me her husband know there friends and trust her all I can say is Iam going to let this girls husband know everything even telling him to go talk to the boss about the rumors around the plant, I DONOT care how much I make this girls life hell, I want her to suffer as much as I have,she is a married women , she knew this evenput me in the hospital and yet she keep up there "FRIENDSHIP" well when I get done with her she will have wished she had never meet George .Your friend is a piece of ****. I would love to know if this is the same fat b....hes just FRIENDS WITH/ Although I am very sorry to hear about your misfortune. I can reassure you that this incident that you described with your husband and this other woman is in no way, shape or form related to the situation or people that are involved in the incident that I know about. Without giving out too many private details I will say that my friend and this OM works for a Bank. In addition, my friend is at least 10 years older than this OM who is in his late 20's. My friend is in her late 30's. The Om in this affair, is not married and has no children. However, I stated that he is engaged to be married and to me that is just as serious a committment as being married. I do not condone any form of cheating whether people be married or single I think it is deceptive and selfish and causes innocent people alot of pain. I speak from experience having watched my father rip the family apart because he of cheating. I know this does nothing to alleviate your painful situation however, I trully wish you the best in getting through this and in the end I hope you find peace. Take Care
Guest Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Have you considered telling her husband? Do you still have the E-mails? You could show him, he does have the right to know. I know you'll lose her as a friend, but hey, do you really want someone like that for a friend? Hmmm....It did cross my mind once, but I don't know if I could do that without discussing it with her and giving her an opportunity to come clean to hubby first. I really do think you have a very valid point with the very last statement and that is a question that I really need to take to heart.
Guest Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I think you shouldn't get so stressed out and involved with the choices your friend is deciding to make. Chances are she knows what she's jeopardizing and what kind of guy he is. I think you being a good friend did the right thing by telling her how you feel but you can't expect her to go with what you want, just because it's the right thing to do. It also depends on how good of friends you are. If you're REALLY good friends, then I definitely don't think you should stop being her friend because of the "bad" choices she makes. She did say she wasn't happy in her relationship so maybe she feels if things surface she doesn't have much to lose anyway.... Maybe you should talk to her and ask that she not give you so many details because you don't agree with her choices and you rather not be involved in that aspect of her life. Again, I feel if you were really good friends you'd just listen to her and give her the best advice you can for the path that she's taking. If she's not that good of a friend to you by all means - THROW IN THE TOWEL!! Yes I think this is all good advice and I have come to the realization that she is going to do as whe wants to because she wants out of the marriage as Trimmer stated. Therefore I don't see why I should get upset about the BAD choices that she is making as they will affect her life. As far as talking to her about not giving details we had that conversation when she first told me about it and she agreed not to say anything but I guess she felt she had noone else to bring it up to even her family doesn't know. It also appears that this thing might be backfiring and maybe she needs someone there for support. I liked your advice about give her the best advice that I can for the path she is taking and leaving it alone. I just get sad when I see things like this happen especially when its people who you care about. I guess I am just reliving some of the pain that happened as a child when my Parents marriage of 14 years ended in Divorce and I am a little bit overly sensitive to these types of things. Thanks for the advice everyone!! God Bless!
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