A Few Months Down the Road

[heartnsoul]

Here Here, IS.

 

This may sound silly but what comes to my mind is remembering when I was a toddler and wanting something so badly that I would kick and scream in order to get what I wanted. Sometimes it worked ... sometimes it didn't but when it didn't .... eventually I would relax and in time have something even better given to me

 

In my experience ... that little story has carried over into my adulthood and probably will for life.

[johnnytable]

InSync, you are so right. I think that after the breakup, anything the ex says or does just prolongs the pain. There really isn't anything they can do to make you feel better, so the only thing they have left is to make you feel worse. Its a good lesson to learn for when I have to breakup with somebody someday.

[riobikini]

re:

 

InSync: " It's dawned on me that though his act was meant as a bad thing God turned it to a good thing.......I know myself well enough to think I would have stayed in that stuck position..."

 

Out of all the people who might read this, InSync, I think you will appreciate it more, because of your growing spiritual learning and insight, onviously spurred by your breakup experiences.

 

Normally, I lay off the religious or spiritual connections in the boards in speaking about these things (breakups, relationship problems) -but you bring up a specific point which makes the following an appropriate analogy, I think, that is applicable to the circumstances of many.

 

Your statement regarding bad things being turned for good is certainly true, perhaps, not by our own hand alone, -even though we may think we did it alone.

 

I think we all have an intended purpose in life and that our happiness quotient -at any given time- depends on just how willing we are to seek it out, recognize it, and meet it with less resistance.

 

Our intended purpose is based on what we're made up of -our skills, talents, and abilities (all inherent or learned); our characteristics, traits, and tendencies (even those that lead to failures); as well as where our environment exists logistically; from whom we received our learning and our perception of the role of parenting or authority; and how we have come (thus far) to view the world around us, and reciprocate what we know, have learned, and believe.

 

Often, getting to a place where we can see more clearly, our intended purpose, forces us to encounter painful, confusing, and difficult circumstances.

 

I believe that none of those circumstances are purely intended for just the sake of the pain or difficulty, alone, -but are rather intended to teach and redirect each to his/her own path of intended purpose for life.

 

To some who are not willing to grasp the spiritual or religious concept in this, try to see the it this way: it's life's way of evolving the human creature, and causing him to adapt to an ever-changing greater level of skill and understanding. One which makes him stronger, more capable, and more intelligent in acheiving and exercising his greatest potential.

 

And what could make more sense than using our emotions -things of the heart- to bring that about?

 

Like it or not, the pain of heartbreak has the power to force us to look deep inside ourselves, question who we are, where we are going, and spur great changes which -if we let it- can be a tremendously positive influence.

 

Maybe we're not so open to the idea that difficulty and pain can be good for us, but not believing it doesn't make the possibility less true.

 

I'm certainly not saying to purposely throw yourself on every jagged piece of painful emotion that comes along, nor invite all kinds of drama or difficulty into your life; what I'm saying is, as I've said before, roll with the punches that blind-sight you; deal with those that come at you head-on which are non-avoidable; and *learn* from them.

 

Lying to yourself about your circumstances, denying what you truly know about yourself, and ignoring your gut instincts causes you to develop a pattern of dishonesty which keeps you from fulfilling your intended purpose -i.e. your growth potential.

 

How sad can that be?

 

You can remain in that nearly delusional, stagnant state for as long as *you* allow it.

 

*You do have the power to break free of it, -no matter how deeply you are mired.*

 

Use the help of friends/family, formulate your own personal plan of breaking free, use all the resources you can find, -or get help from a professional counselor- whatever it takes, it's *worth it*.

 

There's no way to avoid at least one shattering relationship experience in your lifetime. Let the experience(s) shape and mold you in positive ways, not become something that embitters you, chains you to dark perceptions of romantic relationships, and keep you from *using* the experience(s) for your own good.

 

Similarly, as with Moses in the desert (Smile to InSync) -we keep wandering aimlessly and dangerously in our own desert, going around in circles, fighting the the elements within it's perimeters, dealing with stuations we, otherwise, would never have to deal with- all because of our stubborn, headstrong, ridiculous refusal to accept any notion that we *can* be wrong, as well as our reluctance to submit to, and fully accept the reality of the present, and the promise of the future.

 

Getting to a place where we can accept the true facts about our circumstances is usually difficult; it puts us to task, it tests us on what we know about ourselves, it challenges us to do better -improve and change alot of how we think and behave- but again, it's worth all the effort: the pain of 'fessing up, the 'plowing' of our own field, the struggle to rebuild ourselves.

 

And if it was an easy task to accomplish, -I truly doubt whether the results would be as useful, dramatic, and amazing, - or an ultimately, life-changing experience.

 

I hope this helps any reader who comes across it.

 

(Smile)

 

Take Care.

 

-Rio

[In Sync]

Oh Rio, I deeply appreciated your insight..always engaging and thought provoking. I can only add that this experience has now transcended my perception of it just being a breakup. Because of the depth of the pain, the moment to moment struggle of the healing by cutting myself from the object of my pain (nc-ing) ....it turned this event into my means to evolve. As heartnsoul, pointed out it's like being a "toddler" all my reactions and looking at the actions of the ex and only how it effected only me- me- me then. I could not see that this action was clearly a divine act or blessing. In a weird way, I can't look at the breakup as being so awful now because it's brought me to a new level of awareness. I was push out of the plane screaming my head off and finally I pulled the cord of the parachute! Indeed our losses do have a purpose its just we get so wrapped up in our own selfish cocoon of pain that we cut ourselves off from being able to see their true value.

[riobikini]

re:

 

InSync: " I can only add that this experience has now transcended my perception of it just being a breakup. ...Indeed our losses do have a purpose its just we get so wrapped up in our own selfish cocoon of pain that we cut ourselves off from being able to see their true value."

 

 

InSync, "Ditto!"

 

And I am so glad you could make sense of my post, after all, as it was so full of typos and my usual ridiculous bad grammar.

 

(Smile)

 

Take Care.

 

Yours,

-Rio

[riobikini]

Here's a good thread to read (a directive towards greater insight on the issue) regarding the pros and cons, benefits and pitfalls of No Contact....thread posted by Lindya:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=95196