Guest Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 I have a read a lot posts from the wives and the other woman, but I have not seen any posts from married men on affairs. I would like to know what goes in their minds, why do they start an affair , why they like to be with two women and what are they thinking as they start as affair, what really is their intention. I am sure most of them will say sex, but is there anything else that goes in their heads. I would like would like to hear from married men .
NightsDarkRose Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 please..married men...SPILL! the married men browsing this forum get an earful of what goes in our minds....now we want to hear from u!
owcanbhppy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 i would like to hear from others also. for my mm, it was affection appreciation & being treated like an adult desirable man at least as much as sex. but would like to hear fr others.
stoopid_guy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 How 'bout an almost MM (who still might slip?) Here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t92870/
owcanbhppy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 details stoop, details! you didnt share much for those of us on the edge of our seats
mopar crazy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 I'm not a MM but a BW and I can tell you why my H had an A. He told me why. He was lacking attention from me in our M. I'm not taking blame for his A just to make that clear. He turned to the xOW instead of me to work on our M problems. He loved and desired the attention she gave him. He loved how when he walked into a room she would light up and smile at him. The A was for a ego boost. We have had discussed why I wasn't giving him attention and he realizes now that if he would of treated me better I would of given him more attention. I do feel that he was in the A for his own needs and wants, not hers.
stoopid_guy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 details stoop, details! you didnt share much for those of us on the edge of our seats Follow the thread at that link, that's pretty much all the details... In a nutshell though; affectionless marriage, and strong friendship with co-worker that my heart's wanting more from.
bullhunter Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 I was having some severe health problems, as was my wife. We both became very depressed. My wife's way of dealing with depression is isolation, and I thought she no longer cared for me. (I was wrong.) An acquaintance was moving in with her boyfriend in another state and asked me to e-mail her. I had very little human contact as I work out of my home, and agreed. (One of my stupider decisions.) We wrote for a number of months. I began thinking of her as a friend (wrong again). She came back to my area for a visit, and I met with her. She told me she loved me, and that was the reason she asked to write me in the first place. She said she knew we were meant to be together. I didn't do what I should have done, told her I wasn't interested. Instead I wanted to keep having contact, and wanted to keep hearing that I was great, plus I felt deceived and manipulated. Since she had been deceitful with me, I felt no compunction to be honest with her, so, I began telling her that I was interested in her too. She was with another man, the whole thing seemed just a fiction. Nothing physical occurred, the e-mail continued. I wrote her, and basically said anything I felt like at the moment. I met her two more times when she came up - again nothing physical occurred. Each time I grew more repelled by her and her attitude toward me. My wife had begun coming out of her shell, and we were clicking together again. I called her and told her that my wife and I were reconnected, and I wanted no more contact with her. I told my wife everything that had occurred. I was fortunate, and she forgave me - I'm still not sure why she was willing to, as I hurt her badly at a time that she was very much in need of my support. So - I had an EA for completely seflish reasons. I didn't think of consequences. I didn't think of my wife's pain - I just went with "what she doesn't know won't hurt her", and I didn't think of nor care about the ow's pain. I cared only about myself, the pain that I was in, and relieving it. That's not a pretty picture, but unfortunately, it is the truth.
lovernotafighter Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 I sent my MM a nosey questionnaire about Us (mostly funny things for amusement) and I asked him what his favorite thing was about the person who sent this to him. he easily could have wrote all kindas sex stuff or something but he didn't. his words were this: " her kindness and caring. her understanding that my life and our relationship is difficult." my MM has made it very apparent to me that what he really needs is a friend more than anything. someone who will listen to him and understand him. he needs a geisha and that is what I am to him. he has told me he is in love with me but I don't believe he is, only with how he feels when he's with me. by what he's told me his W treats him like a little boy, though I'm sure she's a wonderful woman sometimes men (and woman) need to feel appreciated for who they are. many times this is lost in marriage because of bills,jobs, kids, etc..mine is and was the same so I know why this has happened..we get the best of what we are with each other.
Hard2Think Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 For me it was the fact that my W did not show me much affection nor give me much opportunity to have intimate moments with her. I tried talking, romance, trips, etc. Nothing made any appreciable difference. After some time (7 years), I felt like a roommate. I was angry, frustrated and miserable. OW is enthralled with me and treats me soooo well. She loves me and can't wait to get me in the sack. I feel happy again when I'm with her. She calls me in the middle of the day because she says she's thinking about me .. and my body. If my wife would have been more into me sexually and affectionately, the affair never would have happened. Period.
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