phyrespryte Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 This is the 2nd time I've been passed over for an easy girl. And I just want to know why. Not so much why I wasn't chosen, but why a guy would pass up something that could be good long term for something that'll only be good for a night. why??????
stoopid_guy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 There is such thing as playing too "hard to get." Could that be the case? How are you defining "easy girls?" Girls who will go out the first time asked? Or girls who will have sex with anyone? Personally, I never respected girls who were too easy with sex. On the other hand, I did want the attraction to be mutual. If I asked her out and she said "no," I moved on. Is it possible you're interested in the wrong guys? If he wants a woman easy in bed, maybe you shouldn't want him. Don't worry about two guys passing you up (unless there's only two in your town.) Different people like different things. Find someone who you admire, and who admires you. Also, don't overlook the possiblity of a guy friend. Many younger girls make the mistake of not thinking of a guy who's a "buddy" as being possible romance material.
Author phyrespryte Posted July 23, 2006 Author Posted July 23, 2006 I don't think I was playing hard to get. I made it clear that I was interested and I even asked him out. But yeah I meant an easy girl is someone who will have sex with anyone.
stoopid_guy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 I don't think I was playing hard to get. I made it clear that I was interested and I even asked him out. But yeah I meant an easy girl is someone who will have sex with anyone. In that case, I'd say don't worry about it an move on. Too many fish in the sea. It sounds like these two guys didn't want to put much effort into a relationship anyway. Guys differ a lot in what they want and find attractive. Be patient, the right one will come along.
lindya Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 This is the 2nd time I've been passed over for an easy girl. And I just want to know why. Not so much why I wasn't chosen, but why a guy would pass up something that could be good long term for something that'll only be good for a night. why?????? Condemning others who succeeded in getting what you wanted is a comforting short term ego defence measure - but it doesn't help you grow and develop. I think it would honestly be helpful to you to try as hard as you can to put your ego needs to one side and consider what some of this girl's positive qualities - beyond being "sexually easy" are. That's not an easy thing to do in respect of a rival, and if you can't do it you're certainly not going to be alone. If you can, though, try to be a bit objective. So she may be faster to act on her sexual drives with a new guy than you are. Does that mean she's worthless? Perhaps in your eyes that does make a person worthless. It doesn't necessarily follow that this guy sees things the same way that you do, however. He might, of course....but on the other hand, he may have seen qualities in this girl that he admired and found attractive. Maybe she was "easy" in other ways. Easy to be around, easy to talk to, easy to get along with. Perhaps she and the guy won't have any kind of long term relationship. It may well be that neither of them want one just now. I don't know any of the nuances of this situation....but it probably pays to have more to offer a potential partner than simply the fact that you don't sleep around. I think you should focus on developing who you are rather than who you believe yourself to be better than....and without meaning to pick at you, the wording of your post suggests that you do see yourself as being superior to this other girl. That kind of mindset won't necessarily encourage other people (including guys) to warm to you.
Guest Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 If you can, though, try to be a bit objective. So she may be faster to act on her sexual drives with a new guy than you are. Does that mean she's worthless? Perhaps in your eyes that does make a person worthless. It doesn't necessarily follow that this guy sees things the same way that you do, however. He might, of course....but on the other hand, he may have seen qualities in this girl that he admired and found attractive. Maybe she was "easy" in other ways. Easy to be around, easy to talk to, easy to get along with. Wow, that has to be the most reasoned and yet passionate defense of the "easy girl" I've ever read. Maybe I'll have to rethink some of my moral/ethical code. Thanks
lindya Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 Wow, that has to be the most reasoned and yet passionate defense of the "easy girl" I've ever read. Maybe I'll have to rethink some of my moral/ethical code. Thanks This isn't really a moral issue for me, it's simply about trying to persuade the poster that it's possible for her to be happy and confident without resorting to the habit of demeaning other women with negative and objectifying labels. I know it's possible, because I've met a large enough number of positive minded, successful and very happy women who manage it.
shoedevil Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 This is the 2nd time I've been passed over for an easy girl. And I just want to know why. Not so much why I wasn't chosen, but why a guy would pass up something that could be good long term for something that'll only be good for a night. why?????? I think I understand where you're coming from. If a guy is willing to pass over a modest girl like you for someone more available, then he's told you what his priorities are in a nutshell. It sounds like you see the dating scene as a competition between you and other women for the attention of men. I don't know if that's the right perspective to have, if you're looking for a serious boyfriend. There's a reason most people want and do find their long-term partners through friends/family/coworkers, instead a cold approach by a stranger. Lindya is right, of course. There is no good reason to view these other women negatively. You may believe they are pushing the bar lower, but do you really want the kind of men they tend to attract? You do not need to compete with them, unless you want to play their game. I assume you're looking for a long-term partner. You've got your own set of standards of behavior, isn't that good enough? A man worthy of your companionship would realize you were different from the rest, if he's mature enough for a serious relationship.
norajane Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 Probably because that particular guy wasn't interested in a long term relationship, or that he wasn't interested in a relationship with you in particular, so he moved on. It's not an either 'nice girl' or 'easy girl' choice. The choice is either you or not you. (And by that I don't mean that there's something wrong with you; just that he didn't think you were right for each other).
alphamale Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 but why a guy would pass up something that could be good long term for something that'll only be good for a night. because he want's sex...and he wants it now. the male urge to spread his seed is quite powerful. almost as powerful as the urge for women to buy shoes.
westernxer Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 Don't you know the rules? F*** the easy ones, marry the nice ones.
stoopid_guy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 the male urge to spread his seed is quite powerful. almost as powerful as the urge for women to buy shoes. C'mon now, nothing's nearly as powerful as a woman's urge to buy shoes. My daughter's first word was "shooos." (running for cover)
lindya Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 Don't you know the rules? F*** the easy ones, marry the nice ones. There you go, phyrespryte - westernxer'll marry you. Problem solved!
westernxer Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 There you go, phyrespryte - westernxer'll marry you. Problem solved! My parole officer said I can't leave the state.
lindya Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 My parole officer said I can't leave the state. Yet again, red tape bars the road to happiness. Nobody said that the things worth having would be easy....
alphamale Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 My parole officer said I can't leave the state. well, they must at least let you go to Vegas, right?
burning 4 revenge Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Condemning others who succeeded in getting what you wanted is a comforting short term ego defence measure - but it doesn't help you grow and develop. I think it would honestly be helpful to you to try as hard as you can to put your ego needs to one side and consider what some of this girl's positive qualities - beyond being "sexually easy" are. That's not an easy thing to do in respect of a rival, and if you can't do it you're certainly not going to be alone. If you can, though, try to be a bit objective. So she may be faster to act on her sexual drives with a new guy than you are. Does that mean she's worthless? Perhaps in your eyes that does make a person worthless. It doesn't necessarily follow that this guy sees things the same way that you do, however. He might, of course....but on the other hand, he may have seen qualities in this girl that he admired and found attractive. Maybe she was "easy" in other ways. Easy to be around, easy to talk to, easy to get along with. Perhaps she and the guy won't have any kind of long term relationship. It may well be that neither of them want one just now. I don't know any of the nuances of this situation....but it probably pays to have more to offer a potential partner than simply the fact that you don't sleep around. I think you should focus on developing who you are rather than who you believe yourself to be better than....and without meaning to pick at you, the wording of your post suggests that you do see yourself as being superior to this other girl. That kind of mindset won't necessarily encourage other people (including guys) to warm to you. and i always took you for the nice girl
tinktronik Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Condemning others who succeeded in getting what you wanted is a comforting short term ego defence measure - but it doesn't help you grow and develop. I think it would honestly be helpful to you to try as hard as you can to put your ego needs to one side and consider what some of this girl's positive qualities - beyond being "sexually easy" are. That's not an easy thing to do in respect of a rival, and if you can't do it you're certainly not going to be alone. If you can, though, try to be a bit objective. So she may be faster to act on her sexual drives with a new guy than you are. Does that mean she's worthless? Perhaps in your eyes that does make a person worthless. It doesn't necessarily follow that this guy sees things the same way that you do, however. He might, of course....but on the other hand, he may have seen qualities in this girl that he admired and found attractive. Maybe she was "easy" in other ways. Easy to be around, easy to talk to, easy to get along with. Perhaps she and the guy won't have any kind of long term relationship. It may well be that neither of them want one just now. I don't know any of the nuances of this situation....but it probably pays to have more to offer a potential partner than simply the fact that you don't sleep around. I think you should focus on developing who you are rather than who you believe yourself to be better than....and without meaning to pick at you, the wording of your post suggests that you do see yourself as being superior to this other girl. That kind of mindset won't necessarily encourage other people (including guys) to warm to you. L. your post , while very well read, leaves me with the lingering question as to wether you in fact are the easy girl in question. :p Just a joke , but that is how it read to me. My ? to the OP , it may be the type of guy you are going for , or your age group of men. How old are you?
Trimmer Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 This is the 2nd time I've been passed over for an easy girl. And I just want to know why. Not so much why I wasn't chosen, but why a guy would pass up something that could be good long term for something that'll only be good for a night. why?????? My question to the OP: how do you know that she is "easy" in the first place? Who filled you in on this information, and how reliable is it? And specifically what does "easy" mean in her case?
Walk Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I used to get passed up all the time for the "easy" girl. And by easy, I mean she'd had 15 sex partners in the 4 years I knew her. Last I heard, she was on her 3rd husband now. However... she really could make a person feel like they were the center of her universe. She'd make you feel like you two had known each other for years, even if you just met. She was also a touchy feely kind of person. Within minutes of meeting a guy she wanted, she could be sitting in their lap. Or hugging on his arm. I stole a few of her traits and faked a few I didn't have. I'm NOT a touchy feely type person, and that really hindered me in dating. A lot of the signs of interest are non-verbal, and I was so reserved that although I was asking them to go out with me, I wasn't showing it. I figured out that I had to initiate everything, even physical contact, if that was what I wanted because most times I just confuse the heck out of men. Maybe you do the same? Even though you asked him out, maybe you're reserved enough that you're unintentionally sending conflicting messages?
superconductor Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 She was also a touchy feely kind of person. Within minutes of meeting a guy she wanted, she could be sitting in their lap. Hmmm... what's her number?
lindya Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 L. your post , while very well read, leaves me with the lingering question as to wether you in fact are the easy girl in question. :p Just a joke , but that is how it read to me. Haha! I'm in a moral dilemma here. To refute would suggest that I want to morally distance myself from a particular group of women, and I'm not sure I want to bite that bait On the other hand, I would like to make the point that it's possible to have respect and empathy for a person without necessarily adopting the lifestyle they've chosen.
Author phyrespryte Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 Maybe you do the same? Even though you asked him out, maybe you're reserved enough that you're unintentionally sending conflicting messages? I think that's probably it. I'm not a touchy feely person until I feel comfortable with a person. And usually if I'm really interested in someone I get even more shy with them.
Author phyrespryte Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 My ? to the OP , it may be the type of guy you are going for , or your age group of men. How old are you? I'm 24 he's 23, the last guy was 26. Maybe I am going for the wrong type of guy. Probably. Looking back they both had similar personalities. But then it could just be that I'm a cold person.
Author phyrespryte Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 On the other hand, I would like to make the point that it's possible to have respect and empathy for a person without necessarily adopting the lifestyle they've chosen. This morning I realized that I shouldn't be mad at her, but him. And yes, putting her down isn't right and I was just being jealous. But at that time...saying that she's alright meant that I'd have to admit that there's something wrong with me.
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