littleladyofgold Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 The thing is, I am attracted to mm(men who you are not supposed to have). When I'm in clubs or wherever, I usually go for the married men. If they are drunk, I will try to get them to want to have sex with me. I will rub up against them or touch them etc. And when we have sex, I will get on top of them and ask them if they want me more than their wife- things like that. And usually the guy will get even harder and start touching my breasts and tell me that they want me as I bounce up and down on them. WTF is wrong with me how I can have this stuff turn me on and not feel too bad afterwards? That is just the tip of the mess though. I've had a couple men come try to get back at me because of their guilt. They blame me for the affair. Usually most of them were kind of horndogs though anyways. They can suck my breasts etc and talk badly about their wives one minute and then later blame me for the breakdown of their marriages. Anyways, I changed my number several times to avoid those losers plus the men who want sex more than three times- after screwing them twice i lose the drive to want them again. On many occasions with various men, we'd do our foreplay and lovemaking for the sometimes first and many times second time in their beds at home to add insult to injury. I've had some of my most intense orgasms in such situations. I feel sometimes like a serial homewrecker and at times feel bad, but it doesn't stop me from doing it again. Plus some of these men would show me pictures of their kids which were so adorable, but that didn't/doesn't stop me.
Outcast Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 You need to get counselling to find out what's at the bottom of this. There's a bunch of possible reasons that you do this but you need a profesional to help you sort out which one applies to you. You can't keep living like this.
Tony T Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 You are a sex addict in a special category. You have sex with men only three times and married men are the easiest to get rid of, usually. You have sex in their marriage bed to achieve your finest orgasms. You do this time after time with no intention of staying with them past three sexual encounters...that's an addiction babe. It is also a deep fear of emotional intimacy. Almost all people who are attracted to those who are married do so because subconsciously they know it is safe because it won't go anywhere. The collateral damage that will be caused is insignificant compared to the immediate and short lived gratification. There are also people who are addicted to heartbreak...yes, that's what I said. The get into relationships knowing full well their hearts will be broken. Their comfort zone is hurt...and that is sad. You have some psychological issues that require professional attention. Then again, if all this makes you very happy there is little doubt you will not seek help until one of these men's wives turns a .38 revolver to your head, pulls the trigger...and misses. It happens!
Yamaha Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 Great post Tony T and right on the money. It is a challenge to get a MM away from his wife and you like the challenge and it also turns you on. You need counseling to find out the whys.
owcanbhppy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 this behaviour is extremely dangerous & selve destructive. i agree with the others, get to the whys of the desires. just a reminder that strangers can be dangerous (beyond the dangers of stds). wasnt it ted bundys w or gf that figured him out & helped convict him? married doesnt always mean settled, & im grateful for you youve not been alone w/ a violent psycho, but its still a risk every time. (also risk of violent psycho wife if one finds out). pls get some help, there is no shame in that & the stigma has been washed away as ppl learned it takes more courage to ask for help than to continue to hurt themselves. best of luck & healing to you.
lindya Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 I'm having a really hard time believing that this post isn't just a wind up. Nonetheless, it seems reasonable to assume that someonein good emotional health wouldn't post something like this...either in seriousness or as a joke. Assuming that your main problem is the one you're presenting: When I'm in clubs or wherever, I usually go for the married men. If they are drunk, I will try to get them to want to have sex with me. I will rub up against them or touch them etc. And when we have sex, I will get on top of them and ask them if they want me more than their wife- things like that. If a man says that he does want you more than he wants his wife....what does that mean to you? Does it mean that you're special, or does it simply mean that you're okay? Would the fact that a man, in the heat of sex, says "yes, I want you more than I want my wife" be the evidence you need to believe that you're okay? Or do you keep doing this because somehow none of the evidence you're ever presented with rings true? Often, people who need to feel significantly better than others, are driven by an underlying fear that they are neither special or even just okay. That fear can manifest itself in all sorts of destructive, conflict-creating ways, resulting in the person becoming further alienated from other people. As Outcast says, anyone functioning on the level you've described probably would be best seeking counselling....not only to improve her emotional health, but as an aid to addressing behaviour that could end up getting them into all sorts of undesirable fights and wrangles.
Guest Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 You cannot be for real. I personally think you have serious self esteem issues here. First of all why do you need reassurance from married men. Married men will say anything to get sex. Because they know you are vunerable and sex sickened woman so , to do their bussiness and to gain satisfaction , they will use you and say anything to get pleasure. Because they do not respect and think of you as sex providing machine , can use and throw you whenever they want to. Second, you may find that this interesting not until you catch all sorts of diseases . Third, is your life worth living. For a second look at yourself and picture yourself dead. Think of all the things that you have done in your life with yourself and others. Will you be proud of yourself for what you have done , and how much pain you have caused to others. When you know what your are doing is wrong ,why do it and waste everybody's time here.
owcanbhppy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 um, guest, you are the one wasting ppls time here. perhaps you took the wrong exit & didnt realize what forum your posting on. theres a bw forum to, which im willing to bet is what you are. ppl dont engage in the self-destructive manner she had the guts to post about, w/out a serious underlying issue. this is a support forum, obviously, you need one to. go find the right one for your problems.
lindya Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 um, guest, you are the one wasting ppls time here. perhaps you took the wrong exit & didnt realize what forum your posting on. theres a bw forum to, which im willing to bet is what you are. ppl dont engage in the self-destructive manner she had the guts to post about, w/out a serious underlying issue. this is a support forum, obviously, you need one to. go find the right one for your problems. There are various potential reasons for someone writing a post like the first one on this thread. The obvious one is that it's genuine, and the poster is trying to identify reasons for her behaviour. Second possibility...she's a betrayed wife who wants to portray the other woman in a destructive manner, or is torturing herself with fantasies of what she thinks cheating looks like. Or there's the possibility that she's neither a betrayed spouse nor a woman who has slept with married men...but just gets some strange pleasure from encouraging betrayed partners to believe that the other woman's sexual enjoyment is increased by the man's betrayal of his wife. Sex in the marital bed, men showing her photos of their children, men speaking badly of their wives. It's kind of like she's tried to squeeze in every possible type of betrayal into that post. I can't see how somebody would be able to admit all the things that were described in that post without making some reference to other aspects of their life. Making some reference to (for example) the sort of upbringing they had. The poster comes across as far too one-dimensional in her life and outlook to sound authentic. That's why I think that whilst the writer may well have some problems, what she's presenting on this thread is fictional. We give people the benefit of the doubt a lot on this forum, but sometimes bull**** smells so strongly that you can't ignore it....particularly when that bull**** might be very hurtful towards other people who read it.
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 You let yourself get involved with MM because it's safe. You don't have to have a "real relationship" and you have nothing to lose. All the fun in the world, and no committment. Fantasy, not real life. What is sad is, you don't consider ANYBODY else but yourself by involving yourself with a MM. His wife or if he has kids. Imagine YOUR OWN FATHER screwing around like that with another woman. DO you think your mom would be happy? Get some help, you sound kind of messed up.
Galaxy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 Sex in the marital bed, men showing her photos of their children, men speaking badly of their wives. It's kind of like she's tried to squeeze in every possible type of betrayal into that post. Sure, but it is COMMON for cheating men to do some and many times all of the above. There ARE people who are like that, no matter how much you guys don't want to believe it. Actually there are lots and lots of women who are attracted to just MM. A friend of mine gets hit on moreso now than he did when he didn't have a ring on his finger. And usually they never seek medical help either, but at least this woman can tell she's got a problem. Only it's going to be hard trying to get off in a normal relationship when she is used to all the excitement and forbidden fruit to feel good and climax. Sounds like she gets bored easily too.
lindya Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 Sex in the marital bed, men showing her photos of their children, men speaking badly of their wives. It's kind of like she's tried to squeeze in every possible type of betrayal into that post. Sure, but it is COMMON for cheating men to do some and many times all of the above. There ARE people who are like that, no matter how much you guys don't want to believe it. It's not a case of not wanting to believe it. I'm well aware that human beings often behave in a less than ideal or sometimes blatantly cruel manner towards eachother. Common as it is for the types of betrayal - and the behaviours attached to/arising from them - to occur, it's also not uncommon for people to troll message boards in the hope of inciting strong reactions. For reasons I already mentioned, the initial post here strikes me as an example. If you don't agree, that's fine....but I'm going to trust my instincts on this one.
Guest Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 I went through a MM phase. I didn't have sex with most of them (though I did have two very short flings), but, for a while, MM were the only men I was remotely attracted to. The flattery, the flirting, and the attention were an ego boost for me. I think, though, as someone here posted, it was more that I saw these men as safe. I knew that we wouldn't end up together, and nothing serious could come of these relationships, and most importantly, that these men would never ask me for everything I had to give because they didn't want it or couldn't accept it. That meant I never would have to reveal all of myself to them, and I would never be in a position where I had to give of myself, certainly not everything. I labeled it fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, fear that if I did give everything, I would get hurt. It was fear that if a man got to know me fully, that he would ultimately decide he didn't want me and then I'd be devastated. Where did this come from? I think from being in a very long term relationship with a man who ultimately wouldn't commit. It did bad things to my self-esteem. I thought there must be something wrong with me that if a man who knew me better than anyone and who professed the deepest love still didn't want to commit to being with me forever. I got over my MM phase when I started feeling better about myself. It took a few years, but I'm very happy in my life now and my relationship with my guy is icing on the cake.
Author littleladyofgold Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 Well last night I went out after I made this post. It was around 10:00 PST when i posted and i left around 10:30 and tried for once to just go home with a normal guy and it was so boring. So I then hooked up with another taken man again (this time engaged and father to 2) and we did it in his car. He is supposed to see me again today around 8. His fiance and his kids are at her family's house for a week because one of her relatives is in the hospital. easy to tell someone to see a "psych" or whatever when you have the money for it or the insurance to cover it. Let me know of some free counselling. Otherwise, it's not that simple.
tinktronik Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Littlelady, You are using only yourself . These men meet you one night and you have sex with them ? How much easier could it get? I dont know where you are but many times you can get free counciling if you don't make much money. Are you married? And what exactly is it that you think you recieve from these encounters?
lindya Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 easy to tell someone to see a "psych" or whatever when you have the money for it or the insurance to cover it. Let me know of some free counselling. Otherwise, it's not that simple. Neither is the process of going through counselling simple. It's not a case of a counsellor waving a magic wand and fixing all your problems - whatever they might be.... You are the person who has to take responsibility for working to identify and address root problems that are making you behave destructively. The counsellor is simply a skilled person who guides and assists you through that process....and if you can't be bothered seriously considering the advice and guidance you're getting on this thread, why would it be different with a counsellor? As for people letting you know about free counselling... You're perfectly capable of researching that yourself. This is a support forum, not a nursery.
simona Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Well said guys. Littlelady, I do not want to be mean to you but you sound like one of those who do not want to change. Nevertheless, here are a few tips that may help you. Take a minute and look at yourself. Then ask yourself " Is this a normal behaviour?" Well you already know that it is not. Do yourself a favour. Stop seeing these married men for a while. Be strong and discipline yourself.Remember if you really want to change and be sober it has to come from inside. A doctor or a counsellor can only help you and tell you what to do , but you have to be ready for it. My feeling is that you seem to like what you are doing and asking others for help. Well you got to stop yourself for a week . Engage yourself in other activities. Life is not all about sex. Sex is something that two people in love do. Love yourself for god Sake. Love your body. Be strong and take it from there. Well there are lot of interesting things that you can do for pleasure. Read a book, spend some time with your friends. The behaviour you are describing is very dangerous . I had a friend who was having relationship problem and she told me that meditation helped her. Maybe you should try meditation to cool your mind and body.
Guest Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I think theres more to it than meets the eye. I think deep down inside there are some other serious issues that are going on with this poster besides being addicted to MM and frequenting clubs and posting here is a cry for help. The real danger in posting to this message board for her is that is that she won't really be able to get the help she so desperately needs. For that she will have to run the risk of exposing herself as was suggested by talking to someone near her location who can help and support her. I am not sure that she is ready to do that as of yet. That can be a very difficult and painful step but nontheless it is the first step on the road to healing.
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