Drawing the guidelines2

[30something]

I have to admit I'm surrprised by the first two responses.

 

Don't you guys think it's ok for someone in a serious relationship to have a friend of the opposite sex? Or is it because they want to spend time alone with them?

 

Frienships are to be valuable, should a frienship end because your in a relationship?

 

Do you really feel that there must be more to it?

[arthropod98]

there were 2 points you made that make this a problem in my eyes. first, why do these people need "alone time" together?? second, you know for sure that he / she finds the other person attractive . . . what the hell?!!

 

i don't know if you're referring to YOURSELF here, or your partner, but imagine the reversed situation . . . how would the other partner feel then?? come on, a relationship is about sharing things with your partner, why can't THIS be one of those things?? it just doesn't make sense to me.

I have to admit I'm surrprised by the first two responses. Don't you guys think it's ok for someone in a serious relationship to have a friend of the opposite sex? Or is it because they want to spend time alone with them? Frienships are to be valuable, should a frienship end because your in a relationship? Do you really feel that there must be more to it?

[ParadiseMan]

Look , do what the hell you want. We stated the obvious but you go ahead and marry this guy and find out for yourself after you've had 1-2 children and he runs off with this "friend" of his and leaves you to trake care of the children. Then and when you have reality slap you in the face then you may want to listen to the experiences and observations of those that are giving advice.

 

Been there , done that, got the T-shirt and the hat. So miss, you just ruin your life with this person or break it off now. Tonight.

 

If this guy really loves you he'll understand. Then you'll go thru a little hurting, he'll talk you into taking him back, you will, he'll still keep dating this other person.

 

Tonight. End it for your peace of mind.

 

Find another marrying kind of guy. Enjoy your life. Or get a male "friend" of your own and see if he understands then.

I have to admit I'm surrprised by the first two responses. Don't you guys think it's ok for someone in a serious relationship to have a friend of the opposite sex? Or is it because they want to spend time alone with them? Frienships are to be valuable, should a frienship end because your in a relationship? Do you really feel that there must be more to it?

[Ed]

Don't you guys think it's ok for someone in a serious relationship to have a friend of the opposite sex?

 

I think it's OK...with qualifications.

 

Or is it because they want to spend time alone with them?

 

Occasional time alone should not be a problem. What kind, how much and where is it spent is the key.

 

Frienships are to be valuable, should a frienship end because your in a relationship?

 

No. But the friendship will have to change to accomodate the other commitment...if there is going to be one.

 

Do you really feel that there must be more to it?

 

I feel there is more to doughnuts than flour, yeast, grease and sugar. But there isn't! Until you eat a few.

 

There is more to life than any one thing alone. Friendships have to coexist with all other relationships. It is up to every individual to work out who, what, where, when and how to spend their time with other people or alone.

 

Anything in excess will be damaging to something else. Even if it's eating too many doughnuts.

[yes]

do u have any guy friends who u find attractive n told yr bf that u do? is he okay with it?

I have to admit I'm surrprised by the first two responses. Don't you guys think it's ok for someone in a serious relationship to have a friend of the opposite sex? Or is it because they want to spend time alone with them? Frienships are to be valuable, should a frienship end because your in a relationship? Do you really feel that there must be more to it?

[Katherine]

Well, I want to clarify...it's all about the amount of time spent with a friend, and the fact that the time is spent alone. I am not saying that your partner is cheating; not at all the case. Just that something has to give here, does this make sense? Their friendship can go on, but it needs to change given that one of the friends is now in a serious, committed relationship. This change might hurt the female friend. Or it might hurt your partner...I don't know. I think friendships are important, but I also believe that friendships with the opposite sex are often charged with other feelings.

 

For example, one of my closest friends is a guy who currently is in the process of getting back together with his ex...I was the one who talked him through all the rough times, cheered him up, made him laugh. We'd spend time together while they were apart. But now that they are back together, I know that our friendship will change On Saturday nights we won't be chatting the night away to avoid the blues of being alone. If anything, I am the one who has backed off -- making sure that he has no distractions to work on repairing this relationship. Because it can just can awkward...and this doesn't mean cheating...it can almost mean the same thing as a sister/brother relationship. These relationships have to change too when someone becomes a member of the family -- everyone has to adjust. And it works out. But things do change, they do progress. Hope this clarifies and helps you come to grips with this issue...it is a little tricky.

 

I have to admit I'm surrprised by the first two responses. Don't you guys think it's ok for someone in a serious relationship to have a friend of the opposite sex? Or is it because they want to spend time alone with them? Frienships are to be valuable, should a frienship end because your in a relationship? Do you really feel that there must be more to it?