What do I do?

[heartbroken1234]

Well, this is a long story... I am a 22 year old male. So, I met this girl about a year ago to this day. We had class with each other at a school in Ohio the year before, but really never talked. Then, it turned out we had both transferred. So, when we saw each other on the new campus, it was like a crazy attraction initially and we started talking. I even told all my buddies that day that I would marry this girl. It turned out she had a boyfriend, but I hadn't found that out until I was already interested so I kept pursuing her and we ended up getting together after about 2 months or so.

 

The next 9 months of our lives were just amazing. I basically had moved in with her and lived in her apartment during school. We rarely ever fought, and I'm not exaggerating, it was amazing. Obviously the relationship was very serious with both of us saying I love you and wanting to spend our lives together. Every now and then towards the end she'd mention that I wasn't paying as much attention to her and that I had become distant, but each time she'd say that, I'd reassure her with my words. Granted I do realize I should have done more with my actions, but like I said, we never fought, so I didn't think anything was a real big issue. So summer came and I had to go home to work.

 

So she started to feel as if "she didn't have a boyfriend" but I was only gone 2 days and then came back whenever I could. Obviously we'd still talk on the phone each day. Well, we went on a cruise with my family 2 weeks into summer, regardless all the fighting, and the cruise went better than imaginable... We got back from the cruise and she had kind of changed and started saying I didn't need to visit as much and rumors were she and her brother's best friend had started hanging out a lot. Obviously I confronted her about that, as well as my friends, and she demanded that we stop, because nothing at all was going on.

 

Obviously they kept hanging out so I kept saying stuff. Yeah, she felt it was an issue of trust, but now, 30 days later, I turned out to be right. The girl had been hiding it this whole time. I found out the worst possible way, because I snooped through a message of her's, which was terrible of me, but I just knew she was lying. Obviously I called her out, and she just was very emotional and claiming to be sorry and such a bad person, but now is "seeing" the kid. They have already been intimate and I'm sure they still they are. What was she thinking? How could she do that to me? I thought what we had was so special, but that quickly after she breaks up with me she's already in a relationship and being intimate with someone else.

 

The other thing about the 30 days where she's saying they are just friend, she's getting mad and upset at me for doing things and getting mad at me because she said I had "moved on" all the while she's being intimate with this other kid. I don't know what to think and would really like some advice from mainly girls.... I don't want any guys responding, because no I'm not the type of guy who will just go sleep with a random girl to take my mind off the girl I love. HELP?!?!??!?

 

At this point, I'm just trying to get her to meet me and talk in person to sort some stuff out and for a type of closure maybe. I don't know, we haven't seen each other in over a month, so I'm hoping her seeing me will spark back some feelings for her towards me, even though she already with someone. By the way, she's only 21... Please help and thanks...

[heartbroken1234]

Also, this whole time we were apart and her saying they were just friends, she's telling me she loves me, all the way up until her and that guy sleep together...

Also, just today, we talked outside her door for about an hour. She still wouldn't answer anything I had to ask her... such as: Do you still love me? Do you still have feelings for me? So, you honestly would rather be with this other guy? All she ever answers is I don't know and that she doesn't wanna talk about it "right now". Her saying "right now" is happening a lot. I mean, is that her trying to drag me along and keep me interested? Also, when I got home, she IM'ed me and apologized that she didn't answer more questions and said how she just didn't feel like talking about it today. Making it seem like we would again soon. Personally, I don't think I should talk to her and make her realize she can't drag me around like this. I just love her so much and would do anything to be with her, so it's hard. I don't know, please help me out with some words of wisdom or something...

[rickenbacker]

Heartbroken1234, my story is a long one (have not posted it here yet) but suffice it to say 4 months ago I was put through the exact same thing as you were, so I can feel your pain. When I read your post, the way this girl treated you is VERBATIM the way the girl I knew treated me. The situation was a little different because we were friends for a long time and then when her separation turned into a divorce, I was completely kicked to the curb. I knew this girl for over 3 years and while there were issues in our situation, we got along very well the vast majority of the time. On New Year's, I got the "happy New Year's" call, and on Valentine's, I got the "happy Valentine's day" TM to my cellphone.

 

She went away on a trip in mid-February, for work reasons, and even had me look over some of the materials she was going to be working on during the trip. Then, at the end of February she started picking more fights with me over smallish stuff and we'd go through extended periods of not talking. In March, we got together a few times, but it was becoming more at my insistence than hers - though she was plenty nice every time. Then, after seeing a movie together (we had a great time during the movie), she lectured me in the car afterwards that she was feeling a little different toward me. Since I knew she was having a lot of stress in her life, I bought her a massage as a gift, and gave this to her. As part of our interactions, I was always keeping up on the things she was doing with her kids, and right about that time, her kids had gone to a talent show at their school. So, I'd asked her how the talent show went and she wouldn't respond.

 

At the same time, though, she was posting all sorts of stuff on her online blog, yet her emails to me were fewer and further between. At the time, I attributed this to the stress she was having in her life with the divorce. Then, I questioned her on it via an email....and the response I received was unbelievable, it basically said "you need to go meet someone else, I can't be here for you because of the stress of my situation, so stop harassing me". So, I sent her a couple firm emails after that, saying I couldn't believe her actions and that she shouldn't consider me a friend.

 

Then, in late May, I ran into her in a restaurant here, and we briefly talked and I said I couldn't understand what happened to her.....and she told me she'd met someone else and couldn't lie to them by being in touch with me, and thus I needed to be kicked to the curb. Then, early this month, I ran into her in the gym we used to frequent, and said hi to her and she said "I'm here with someone else" implying that I needed to hit the road and leave her alone - and indeed I saw her getting into her car with some guy.

 

Obviously, this new person had come onto the scene right about the time when she started picking fights with me, and it seems she's now so enamored with him that I was shown the door. She acts like she doesn't even know me now.

 

Bear in mind this is someone I used to talk to on a daily basis, and we shared so much about our jobs, her kids, her frustrations with her ex-H, and life in general. She even told me many times that she liked my company a lot more than that of her girlfriends because I was a lot more straightforward - going so far as to say she wanted me to be a part of her life. Then, it all went to nothing, and it felt very very strange. Difficult to understand how someone that was in contact multiple times a day is now completely gone and could care less about how it's made me feel. A lesson I learned here is to not believe everything people say.

 

This situation has left me badly hurting, even now, 4 months after it happened, but I'm trying to cope with it and I can feel that I'm slowly recovering. Just like your feelings for the girl you describe, I felt the same way about this person. My advice to you is to move forward and not look back, because say you did convince her to come back to you, it would only be a matter of time before she would do this again to you and you would be begging again. If she's to come back to you she needs to do it on her own accord, and the only way you can facilitate that (and get on with your life) is to cut her out of your life completely - just disappear entirely. Trust me, this is the only way, I know it's incredibly difficult but it is the only way.