Im involved with a married woman and I have fallen for her

[tharealestone1369]

I have been seeing this woman who is married and we have been dating for 4 months now... I met her through myspace. The day I met her I didnt expect anything to come out of it other then a friendship. We ended up hitting it off and I knew she was unhappily married. A few days later we ended up getting together it just kinda happened and im so glad it did... Anyway the guy who she is married to is her high school sweetheart and they been together since she was 16. She is now 21 and They have a 2 year old son... They got married back in september of 2005. but For 2 years now he has been abusing her both mentally and somewhat physically. She married him because she was still in love with him and she was hoping he would change. She has only been involved with one other guy besides me since they been married and that didnt last long at all just a few weeks. She wasnt serious about him like she is with me. Im the first guy she has been serious about since she has been with her husband... Shes tried to be affectionant with her husband before she even met me. But he wasnt having that. He doesnt show her any kind of love or affection and he has just want to have sex with no foreplay before and no cuddling after. She eventually stopped giving it up to him... Since me and her have been together I have given her so much love and affection more then he has given her in 2 years. She has given me just as much... Im in love with her and she told me that she is in love with me. She told him that we are just friends and she has even said to him that i have a girlfriend. I dont know if he really believes that or not. He has joked with her and called her a cheater or said your going out on a date with david arent you... I dont know if he really thinks that or not but i do know that He is jealous of me she told me so. He has said to her I dont know why you stay and put up with me I dont deserve you. But yet he has been trying to win her back... Like last friday night he told her were going out on a date because you always go out on one with him. He also told her that he wants her to dress up for him since she always does for me. He knows that she is not in love with him he aught to know thats not going to change... He has been getting mad at her alot here lately because she goes out on her nights off to be with me. Last night she told me that he put a guilt trip on her and told her that she is abandoning him and her son for me to be with me. So that mad her feel bad and guilty. She doesnt know what to do... He is wrong about her abandoning her son though. He claims she put me before her family which is not true She puts her son first. He is right about her putting me before and abandoning him. Hes also right about not deserving her and hes so stupid that he doesnt realize that its over and she is gonna leave him eventually. He can try to be romantic all he wants but its too late. I mean come on you gonna treat your wife badly for 2 years and you expect her to forgive you and to fall back in love with you. He needs to get real. I have been so happy since I met her and I love & care about so much. More then he does now and perhaps more then he has ever had. I would do any and everything I possibly can for her. I also adore her son and he really likes me alot. all I know is Shes worth waiting for... I dont want to lose her I told her last night that I dont want her to end it with me. She said its not the same anymore she is in love with me but the passions not there as much as it was. Ive told her like a week ago that if he did find out about me and her that we would put us on hold and I would not find somebody new and that I would wait for her... My friend told me that he probally already knows but he just aint going to say nothing or do anything about it because hes afraid he would lose her completly... Rather he does know or not I feel that perhaps now if we have to go ahead and put us on hold anyway then thats what will happen because thats better then us losing each other forever. I dont want that to happen I dont want to lose her. I love her too much... Well anyway im through and I would really like to here what y''all opinions are and if you would give me some advice I would very much appreciate it.

[ridingthebulls]

If the guy is an abuser, do you have any idea the kind of bad situation you are putting her in, in case he finds out of the affair?

She never should have married in the first place. She needs to divorce before this thing continues..

[Sup]

It may cause HER death, as well as YOURS!

[JamesM]

Let me put a different spin on it...

 

He abuses her....per her.

He is jealous of you...per her.

You are the second one she has cheated on him with, but only you has/does she love...per her.

She doesn't dress up for him...just you....per her.

Her husband doesn't love her, doesn't do foreplay, doesn't treat her right...per her.

 

And on and on it goes.

 

Oh I understand. I was with a women (pre marriage) who used me the same way. She loved me and would leave her bf. She quit smoking for me. She did alot of things for me...except leave her bf. She loved me and not him. Guess what? She stayed with him. I am sure that I was a good pawn in her game to get his attention back. I now look back and am grateful that it didn't go farther for me, and I hope for her sake that the relationship lasted.

 

My advice is to get out of this relationship and move on. She has one of two motives that I can think of now. One, she is angry at him for what he has done, and is trying to get back at him. Secretly, she hopes he will come back to her and love her. This adulterous affair is a means to get back at him. Two, she "loves" you and wants a relationship with you, but doesn't want to leave him...cause why hasn't she done it yet? You will add a third one...that she loves him and will eventually leave him. I challenge you to look through this Board and see how many married men and women say that to the person that they are having an affair with.

 

First, if she is abused, he will come after you. Or worse yet he will abuse her more because you are with her.

 

Second, she has cheated twice in a committed relationship...no, in her marriage...within eleven months. I hope you truly don't think that you are more special that she will not do this to you when the going gets tough...and it will. Can she go eleven years with you without cheating? Please look at this relationship through the eyes of reality. Your relationship came as a result of a broken promise...how can it continue in total honesty?

 

Third, you say she puts her son first? What would his opinion be of his mother for her actions of cheating on his father and trying to break his family apart? Would he rather have her put that energy used in your relationship put to better use in trying to bring him what he would really want....his father and mother happy together again?

 

Fourth, she is the victim here...per her. I am not going to question all of the details, but she "hoped he would change." Why has she given up after less than one year of marriage?

 

These are many thoughts and questions that I would think about if I was in your position. I have fallen hard for girls that were not right for me, and I am thankful that they did not work out. Twice I was "in a relationship" with a girl who was cheating on her then boyfriend....I know what does that make me? No better than you. That is why I am telling you this...from experience.

 

If this relationship is truly love (and yes, I question that), then I suggest that you give her room to make up her mind. After she has...if she will...divorced, then and only then should you start up a relationship with her. But remember, analyze yourself and decide if you are so special that she will not cheat on you.

 

I am not trying to be harsh or judgmental, but having been in your position, I feel that I must pass along this warning.