he's having sex tonight - with someone else

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

"a break" was really just a coward's way of saying "breakup". He tells me to just wait and see and he will prove them all wrong.

 

Alright!

 

I was thinking, maybe he just wanted to have a fling with that girl for a change so he just told you that not to cheat on you.

 

Is ok, let the guy have his fun. At least he was honest about it.

 

And you got your wish of being skinny and admired by some other guy on your arm. Hey. Not bad.

 

And you got your fun as well .

 

Ariadne

 

Ps: Btw, have you contacted the other guy? That must suck though, you were really into him, and into the same things as well. I thought that maybe you should have told him that you read his emails and that's why the angry email.

[Mollyanna]

Is ok, let the guy have his fun. At least he was honest about it.

 

Can't believe he is willing to take a chance at losing me just to sleep with some girl who is a "friends w/ benefits" relationship. I had to laugh at that too. He told me she was mature enough to have an adult relationship without feelings getting involved. Then this morning he said she is calling him every other day saying how much she misses him. I got to say "I told you so". Women cannot have sex without feelings getting involved.

 

Ps: Btw, have you contacted the other guy? That must suck though, you were really into him, and into the same things as well. I thought that maybe you should have told him that you read his emails and that's why the angry email.

 

Heck no! No way would I get into the middle of that mess again. He hurt me more than anyone in my life ever has. We stopped talking in February and it is for the best. Sometimes I am pretty proud of that email!

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Women cannot have sex without feelings getting involved.

 

Oh, but that's what I've done all of my life! rofl

 

Sometimes I am pretty proud of that email!

 

Well, I thought you nailed it with that email.

 

But "he" wouldn't understand where that come from. Like you were calling him a liar for free, of sorts. So if he knew that you knew about the date with that girl etc then it would have made more sense.

 

Well, it was a shame it turned out like that, sorry Mollyanna

 

(I even cried when I read your posts)

 

Well, and this one now, don't mind that girl, she seems to mean nothing other than friend to him and if you are patient things can work out I hope.

 

Ariadne

__________________

♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

After I licked their wounds and made them feel better about themselves, they both married the next girl AFTER me.

 

Me too!

 

I just saw someone on TV wearing this T-shirt.

 

Maybe we should get one of those

 

Ariadne

__________________

♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥

[Mollyanna]

Hey,

 

After I licked their wounds and made them feel better about themselves, they both married the next girl AFTER me.

 

Me too!

 

I just saw someone on TV wearing this T-shirt.

 

Maybe we should get one of those

 

Ariadne

__________________

♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥

 

HOLY CRAP! rofl that is hilarious. I am going to find one of those shirts!

[Mollyanna]

So tonight I decided I was going to go out by myself and try to meet people. (i have been in this state for a year and only know 3 people besides him and his friends.) I stopped over at his house to have a couple drinks first. It was a little awkward this time. A couple of times I could tell he was going to hug me or kiss me and then he stopped himself. But when I left to go out, we still kissed and hugged and hugged and kissed this long goodbye. (and it wasn't me who started it) Then I only ended up staying out for one drink because all I could think about was how good it was to be with him and yet how much it hurt too. What am I going to do?? And why is he still kissing me? (not that I mind terribly much..., but I still wonder why.) I just left him this text message that says:

 

"How can it feel so good 2 C U and hurt at the same time? I've never met anyone like u. God I'm going to miss you."

 

What have I done? I'm so scared to get his response tomorrow, or worse - none at all.

[Mollyanna]

he called this morning but I didn't answer. Then he wrote a text message in response to what I wrote last night.

It said:

There is no reason 2 miss me because I have not gone anywhere !

 

My response: I might have to or I'll never move on. If I get everything I need from u, why would I look elsewhere

 

He then said: I will never be what u need or what u deserve

 

I wrote: I hate that you believe that. I see more in u.

His response: I deal in reality

 

Me: No u just don't believe in yourself. Read my letter again. See the guy I fell for. There's no one else who's made me write that. U r special. Everyday you say or do something that makes me cock my head and think - wow what an amazing personality.

 

Him: thank you

 

Me: you are welcome. now believe it!

 

Doesn't this all have such a romantic, soap opera-ish feel? It's no wonder I am addicted. How do I walk away??? Does this really sound like a guy who is playing games, or is he just confused?

[LaraV]

He then said: I will never be what u need or what u deserve

 

 

Sweety, you gotta pay attention to that. He's plain out telling you the answer to your question.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Does this really sound like a guy who is playing games, or is he just confused?

 

Who knows. Who cares.

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

Sweety, you gotta pay attention to that. He's plain out telling you the answer to your question.

I suppose that is why it hurt so much when I read it.

 

you are right. Why does love have to be this freaking hard?

[Mollyanna]

Hey,

 

Does this really sound like a guy who is playing games, or is he just confused?

 

Who knows. Who cares.

 

Ariadne

 

um, i guess I do

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

I mean, if the guy is cute and you are really into him, what difference does that make. Well, it doesn't much to me at that point.

 

Ariadne

[LaraV]

I suppose that is why it hurt so much when I read it.

 

you are right. Why does love have to be this freaking hard?

 

Molly - I know love can be very hard at times. I think its inherent nature is to be that way, but let's not leave out our own part in it.

 

Look, life is already filled with uncertainty, and I think this fact becomes pronounced that much more when someone we care so much about feels wishy washy about us. I know this because I went through a whole year of that. Now I wish I had been able to follow the advice I'm about to give you, but if love already is complicated, and already is uncertain (and what in life isn't?) there's no need to further aggravate it with our own actions. I understand (and can plainly see) that going cold turkey with this guy is very difficult for you. But, I ask you, isn't the horrible, excruciating pain of uncertainty worth maybe a super human effort on your part - of say - one week of just NO CONTACT with this guy? Just one week. Try it. See how it feels. OK, it will feel really bad. Granted. But once you're there, how about another week, and so on? See what happens. Gain strength in small cummulative increments. I predict he'll miss you. Clearly he will, because he obviously is attached to you, BUT (and this is what I want you to fully digest) it is also PLAINLY obvious that those feelings are NOT strong enough for him to be able to make a commitment to you. He even says himself that he thinks he'll never be able to do that. To quote Dr. Phil, how's that little piece of knowledge "workin' for ya"? Is all this drama worth it?

 

Sweety, you owe it to yourself to value yourself more. I *know* it's hard, but you owe it to yourself to make that effort.

[Mollyanna]

Sweety, you owe it to yourself to value yourself more. I *know* it's hard, but you owe it to yourself to make that effort.

Lara, I read your message early this afternoon and I cried. I thought about it all evening and make it through this one evening without texting or calling him. I do owe this to myself.

 

it is also PLAINLY obvious that those feelings are NOT strong enough for him to be able to make a commitment to you.

I finally met a man who really cares about me, doesn't lay his hand to me, doesn't scream or yell or even raise his voice, treats me with tenderness, and kindness, and tells me how wonderful I am every day. He's the first man in my life that I don't flinch from, don't hide my feelings from, and feel like I can trust. He says this has nothing to do with me, that if he was going to be with anyone, it would be with me. He is going through some stuff in his life that he has said make him not want to get close to anyone. He tells me that his feelings for me scare him. This runs through my head and I scream and cry and say how unfair it all is. But me contacting him every day isn't helping either of us, is it?

 

I'm going to give it a week, but I know he will call me if he hasn't heard from me by Monday. You are so right, I need to AT LEAST do this much. I need to get control. Thank You for your response. I am inspired.

[Mollyanna]

Day 2 and I am still on NC and still breathing.... damn this is hard

[LaraV]

I'm cheering for ya! Just one week - you can make it!

[norajane]

Day 2 and I am still on NC and still breathing.... damn this is hard

 

Good for you! I'm cheering you on as well!

 

I firmly believe you will feel so much stronger and so good about yourself at the end of the week when you see that you are fully capable of taking control of your life!! Bravo!

[Mollyanna]

Thank you for the encouragement. My best friend had a baby today and I picked up the phone to text message him and tell him. And then I asked myself - will he REALLY care or was that just my excuse for contacting him. I put the phone back down. I am going to a friend's house tonight and leaving my phone at home. If I can just get through our first weekend apart, I think I will be OK.

[Mollyanna]

I'm a loser. I drunk dialed. didn't leave messages, but I still called ..... what the hell???

[Pink Amulet]

Was your number displayed?

[Mollyanna]

YES, he called already this morning. I answered it... I told him about my night and about how some guy was hitting on me and said I look like Shirley Manson from Garbage. Guess I felt like I had to give him a jealous jab. He said he stayed in, but is going out tonight in Orlando with friends. So now I am jealous because he didn't invite me. This is stupid. Last night I was telling a story and this feeling of warmth came over me because I was reminded of him and how good he was to me when he could handle us being close. I told him that this morning and "I miss you". He said "I miss YOU". Then he told me to call him later when I get done surfing so I can tell him about it.

 

The guy I met last night was good looking and nice, but I just didn't feel it. How can I when I realize that I am in love. This is the first time I have said that. I have never even said it to X.

[musicman2386]

I wish I was able to give you good advice on this subject...since you gave me good advice on mine...but unfortunately I have never been in a situation like this so I guess I'm not as qualified as some to dish out advice. I guess the only thing I can say is maybe just pretend like you don't care even though you really do and play his game. Tell him that you've been going on dates and they've been going really well. This could potentially lead to two outcomes...he will realize that he really does want you after all (yes...guys are weird), or by pretending that you have moved on will actually result in you feeling better and moving on and finding someone who will treat you well.

[HopefulOne]

Thank you for the encouragement. My best friend had a baby today and I picked up the phone to text message him and tell him. And then I asked myself - will he REALLY care or was that just my excuse for contacting him. I put the phone back down. I am going to a friend's house tonight and leaving my phone at home. If I can just get through our first weekend apart, I think I will be OK.

 

I just went through over a week of no call, was difficult somedays!!! I however just messed up and texted him... DON"T DO IT.... DON"T DO IT...

[Mollyanna]

Hopefulone: What did you write???

 

I have decided I am not capable of NC, so I am instead going to taper it off. For one, I am going to see if I can turn text messaging off on my phone service.

 

musicman: he called this afternoon again and wants to have a date with me next week. I am guessing me meeting other guys DID make him a little jealous. I am going to keep doing it.

[Seimaden]

Yeah, I understand all this ... my situation is a real work of art, which has cost me a lot, but I'll save everyone the drama.

 

Mollyanna, the problem with this boy is that he's a sociopath ... and no, I don't mean he's psychotic, or evil, or he's out to hurt you (at least not deliberately). He would probably never physically harm you (let me guess, does he take any kind of martial arts tho'? ...).

 

The boy has issues ... frankly, he never will be able to have the atypical "normal" run-of-the-mill relationship. Sex is a powerful thing to him, and one person is not enough. He's not an addict per say, but it is an offshoot of being a sociopath.

 

And please keep in mind, I'm not using the word "sociopath" in a negative format. I'm not saying he's crazy. I'm saying he has a lot of deep seeded issues. I can almost garantee the boy was molested as a child, probably by a man, and probably by a relative (like a cousin).

 

I can say that it IS just sex to him ... he will have sex with as many girls (and, maybe even a guy or two) as he is able. The problem with this, is that even if the two of you got married, he would still want to.

 

It's not his fault ... it's a psychological problem. It's something he can't control himself. Therapy will work a little, but you would have to accept the fact that you will never have a calm relationship.

 

If you can handle that, it's okay ... and I mean that seriously. There are people out there who can handle a lot of things (and to be honest, I really am one of them). However, things will never be calm, things will always be stressful, there will always be uncertainly, jealousy, and pain. Depending on your attitude on things, and what you feel you can handle, you need to decide if you want to push for him or not.

 

You might just be able to land him, if you continued to push. And I don't mean that you should, or that it would even be good. I'm sure he's almost always been the dumpee in the past (with a few rare handfuls of him dumping someone). Yes, I do think you two could eventually be an item, but it's going to be far far far from anything you've ever imagined.

 

It's up to you hon, what you feel you can handle. Just always keep your guard up. Never let it down. If you can learn to leave with that and be okay, then you can keep pursuing him. If you can't, then ... you'll have to ween yourself off him.