SUMMER 1969 Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 If you have a man or a woman in your life and you take some time apart from One another then there is NO reason that he should be sleeping with another woman.. I don't care how upset he is... I think that maybe you should sit back and think about why you would want to be with this man.. This is going to sound harsh.. but, if this man loved you, he would not be sleeping with another woman! No questions there.. No One deserves that kind of treatment.. Good Luck
Author Mollyanna Posted July 26, 2006 Author Posted July 26, 2006 This is a case where you have developed a dependency on another individual, and on drama, to the point that withdrawing from "it" gives you intense pain. In my book that is addiction. You have an addiction. He called twice today, once this morning before I left work and once after I had returned home. One minute he says he didn't do anything wrong because I knew all along he didn't want to be in a serious relationship and this is exactly what he was trying to avoid - hurting me. I got some guts and told him off and he hung up on me. The second call, he is really down. I can barely hear him and he is suddenly saying how unbearable it is for him to think of me crying and hurting over him. He just wants me to hurry up and come home so we can work through this. Suddenly for the first time, he starts blaming himself. For 2 days he has went on and on about not doing anything wrong. Now suddenly he sounds like he is going to cry and he says he is ****ing everything up and can't do anything right and this is why he is afraid of love. I suddenly start worrying about him and trying to make him feel better. And then wham - I feel the addiction to drama you were talking about! Just like him, I go from angry and mad at him, to crying and feeling sorry for myself. And the instant he felt a little guilty, I started to feel better. I hate that I feel better because he is hurting now. Hate that about myself. But tonight I feel stronger and think I can face the world alone again. I AM addicted to him. He brought me out of a really bad place when I met him. I had cut off the world and promised myself I would never love or trust anyone again. I will be honest and say I doubt I will end contact with him permanently. I need to see him when I get back and get some closure. Then I walk out. But I think I will be back to check on him and he will do the same. You may think I am foolish, but one day I would love to have him in my life as a friend.
Author Mollyanna Posted July 26, 2006 Author Posted July 26, 2006 I think that maybe you should sit back and think about why you would want to be with this man.. I am doing that today. And the reasons are confusing me. He has a lot of issues. I always seem to go for the guys with the problems and I try to help them work them out. I get them ready for the next girl. I have had this happen twice where the guy fought a relationship with me because he wasn't ready, was too hurt from his past. After I licked their wounds and made them feel better about themselves, they both married the next girl AFTER me. I hadn't realized until just now that I am in that cycle again. poor poor ex, why can't he say I would never hurt him. If I show him kindness and love and selflessness, he will learn to trust again. NOPE didn't work before. can't believe I was doing it again.
jerbear Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Mollyanna, I know how you feel. I have noticed that I'm the last guy they date before they get married. So I either mellow them out or give them a taste of the married life. aka boring?? The women I have dated knew I am ready to settle down and my plans. Some even sought me out for that reason. You can say I was a trial BF before fiance stages. Sort of the BF before the one. oh well...
Ariadne Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Hey, I've been reading alllll of your posts lol. I've found them the most amusing. I spent hours yesterday. The thing is that I went through some string along situation myself, and then I got cought up in the story with your X. I mean, the previous X (the newly divorced with the three kids), the last I read was that you sent him that letter where you told him off (because you found out he made a date with some girl and cancelled a date with you), and then that you had started talking to him again... and? Did "he" get married? After saying that he didn't want a relationship so much!? And this guy now is just like the other, is like he is saying the same words all over again. Strange how things work out. And you seem like such a nice, fun, smart, girl. I just don't get it. I'd imagine guys would be standing in line to marry you. Well, good luck with this one now, and hope that things can get worked out and that he is understanding of the compulsive calling, texting, etc that freaks most guys out (I'm like that too). Bye now, Ariadne
Author Mollyanna Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Ariadne: That is so funny that you read ALL of those posts. Glad to hear someone thinks I am funny when all I felt like was CRAZY. Here are some answers to your questions. I mean, the previous X (the newly divorced with the three kids), the last I read was that you sent him that letter where you told him off (because you found out he made a date with some girl and cancelled a date with you), and then that you had started talking to him again... and? Did "he" get married? After saying that he didn't want a relationship so much!? He gets married in 2 weeks. Right after I told him off, we did start talking again, and sleeping together. Then I went to Florida for a vacation with a friend and when I came back I found out from a mutual friend that he had slept with someone else. We were completely broken up at that point so it didn't mean TOO much to me. But 2 weeks later I found out that he was having a relationship with this girl now - AND she was my worst enemy, a girl who had actually broken up another relationship a couple years earlier and who had been chasing my X the whole time we were together. He is marrying HER. I went into a deep depression and moved to Florida to get the heck away from the drama. I swear it was the only way I could cope. For the first 7 months in Florida, I closed myself off to the world. I thought I was dying. Then I met this new guy... and the pain starts again... And you seem like such a nice, fun, smart, girl. I just don't get it. I'd imagine guys would be standing in line to marry you. Thank you so much for saying that! I wish I could tell myself that. I have a knack for cleaning guys up and putting them back out on the market for other women. Isn't it crazy what we put ourselves through for love? Today I feel strong and want nothing to do with any of these men. I don't want to cry anymore. Hope you are well and thanks so much for your response.
Ariadne Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Hey, Omg! You won't believe how many times I've been checking up this forum to hear back from you. That is so funny that you read ALL of those posts. Glad to hear someone thinks I am funny when all I felt like was CRAZY. Oh, you have no idea how much I can relate to you. Is like every single post of yours is something I could have written myself! And yeah, I also think I'm crazy most of the time. You won't believe the things that I have done for love. Things that nobody else does or thinks of doing. He gets married in 2 weeks. Oh noooooooooo!!! {{{Mollyanna}}} I can't believe it! I really really thought that he was falling deep for you. You guys seemed to have such a deep relationship filled with soul shearing moments And when he told you that he didn't want to be falling for you etc and then you said that you had started talking marriage, I thought that he was in. Wow. But 2 weeks later I found out that he was having a relationship with this girl now - AND she was my worst enemy, a girl who had actually... Oh noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! That sucks!!! OMG. What a nightmare! I'm so sorry. Can you believe that? I'd never imagine something like this had happened. I went into a deep depression and moved to Florida to get the heck away from the drama. I swear it was the only way I could cope. For the first 7 months in Florida, I closed myself off to the world. I don't blame you. I tend to go for the sleeping pills myself Thank you so much for saying that! I wish I could tell myself that. Oh, you are welcome. I meant that, too. Boy, how unlucky can we get... Well, at least you seem to be doing well in your work etc. I got fired because of some guy and haven't worked in months, and I don't want to. But you seem to be able to handle work and even get into it. So kudos for that. Hope things can be worked out with this guy. Have you heard from him yet? Good luck with all and thanks for the update, Ariadne
Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Regardless of the circumstances, sometimes things happen for a reason. But knowing how we feel, it is uncanny to even think or enduring more pain and thank goodness resolve finds an end to the unthinkable. We must be strong, and find ourselves doing what is right, to follow down the wrong path to deceive will create more drama and bad karma. Doing what was inevitable sometimes balances the books. To 'go there' when we have been there and taken from another will find constant unheavals and unnecessary interuption. I believe the trials of ending a r/s in any regard both must be correct in their manner, stature, and most of all decline all opposition that creates negativity. I'm all for moving on in a decent respectable manner. No more pain. It is ridiculous to continue in a way that only abbreviates the results. Time to grow up so to speak. Pain vs passion is a highly misunderstand mannerism. Hurting or stealing the heart passion or desires of life within or without will result in guilt or tragedy. It goes no where. We live and learn. Hopefully we can brave the storm and realize out mistakes. i certainly have. The regrets are deeply felt. And the pain that was given. Or taken. No more. Take care of one another, and peace be with you all.
Author Mollyanna Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 Ariadne: This recent guy has been calling all week twice a day and texting me at least once a day - more if I write back. But I really believe all he wants is a friendship with me. He knows a lot of issues from my past and I think he worries about me a lot. I am not going through again what I did last year. I will not get back with him. A friendship is still possible though. As for the X from last year, yes all of that seriously wounded me for life. In one of our last conversations, this past Feb, he told me that it had nothing to do with me, but more to do with timing. He said he just needed to get over his ex-wife and unfortunately I was the rebound girl. He also said that I put up with all his crap and the more I did, the more he knew he could get away with. When he first got with my enemy, it was just for sex. Like I said, she had been chasing him for many many months. One night she caught him... He tried to get me to stay in the game too. But because he had been with her, I was disgusted with him. I lost all respect. (she got around all over town). It took that to make me let go of him. I said goodbye. 3 months later they were living together. They are both a mess. I have heard so many stories about the two of them. They will ruin each other's lives. Sorry to hear you lost your job. Work is all I have sometimes to keep me sane. But it is rough. When I go through this stuff, I tend to let things slide a little and people are very disappointed in me, but because the rest of the time I work my ass off, they cut me some slack. But I won't be employee of the year anytime soon... How is your love life? Tomorrow when I get some time, I will go read all YOUR posts.
Ariadne Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Hi, I will not get back with him. A friendship is still possible though. Well, that's good, you can keep him for friend and go to the bars etc. He said he just needed to get over his ex-wife and unfortunately I was the rebound girl. Yeah, but why go with that girl that you didn't like? Out of all people. That sucked. But, ah well. Maybe they'll be miserable together. But it is rough. When I go through this stuff, I tend to let things slide a little Yeah, that's what I did too but they caught up How is your love life? My love life sucks more than yours. At least you have a chance... Ariadne __________________ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥
Author Mollyanna Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 It's not a chance I want to take though. Why? So he can hurt me again? So I can cry for days AGAIN? I swear I cried for 12 hours on Saturday. I would literally fall to the floor and sob uncontrollably. I was having suicidal thoughts. I did not eat for 3 days. I made myself completely sick. I am starting to feel better now and able to function and I never want to get to that point again. Right now I feel like being a commitment phoebe myself. Maybe I should just have sexual relationships with men without the strings attached so I don't get hurt. No emotion, no crying, no hurt feelings
Ariadne Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Hey you, It's not a chance I want to take though. Why? So he can hurt me again? So I can cry for days AGAIN? Yeah, that can be tough. But if you see him again..... I swear I cried for 12 hours on Saturday. I would literally fall to the floor and sob uncontrollably. I was having suicidal thoughts. I did not eat for 3 days. Dayum you. I am starting to feel better now and able to function and I never want to get to that point again. Well, good you are feeling better. Sometimes a good cry is good too. Maybe I should just have sexual relationships with men without the strings attached so I don't get hurt. No emotion, no crying, no hurt feelings Yeah, that's what I'm doing now with some guy. Ah well. Ariadne
Author Mollyanna Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 He called this morning and I didn't answer. I have wanted to call him back all day, but REALLY... why? Why do I want to hear his voice so I can get upset again? I'm just really really lonely now. But the weight I lost during this week makes me look better, so I am smiling thinking maybe some hot guy will pick me up the next time I go out. I think i will just stay in the house for another week, lose more weight, and then hit the ground running again. I would love nothing more at this point than for him to see my looking good, with a man by my side, admiring me. Oh I can dream, right?
Ariadne Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Hey, He called this morning and I didn't answer. Alright! I have wanted to call him back all day, but REALLY... why? Yeah, well... Why do I want to hear his voice so I can get upset again? Ugh, his voice I would love nothing more at this point than for him to see my looking good, with a man by my side, admiring me. Haha... sounds like a plan. Oh I can dream, right? Yeah, always dream. Later, Ariadne
Kirlin Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 **** if i was you id do the same thing see how it felt for him ****in ******* it must be so harsh and upsetting for u to no whats going on at that time
Author Mollyanna Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 if i was you id do the same thing see how it felt for him Yeah... I had that chance Friday night. I went out with my friend (his best friend) and she took me somewhere and introduced me to another guy. We got pretty wasted and I ended up making out with this guy! He was trying so hard to have sex with me, the poor thing. But I wasn't even interested in him at all once the alcohol started wearing off... My guy texted and called me over and over again all night. We had stopped at his house to pay back some money the friend owed him. He kept telling us come back and hang out with him. The next morning (from which I still hadn't been asleep), I left my friend's house and went straight to X's. I was sick as a dog and he was the only thing I wanted. (plus he only lives two streets away from where I was.) He took care of me, was mad at our friend for introducing me to the guy who he doesn't like and doesn't think would be good for me at all. He was also angry because she let me get so drunk in my mental state right now. He drove me home and brought my car back to me last night. He brought food over and made me eat a little and spent the night. We talked a lot about us right before bed. He held me all night, but it was nothing sexual. He made it clear to me that we were not going to have sex. OK... so I know this sounds completely messed up to some of you that I even saw him. But I care about him and he is so gentle and caring with me. I have never had anyone treat me that way, not even family. We are going to be friends, just not see each other as much as we did when dating. He does still consider this a break, not a break-up. He expressed over and over again how much he enjoys being with me but if we are together right now, it will never work because he doesn't have his **** together and I need to get help for my depression. So that is the plan. He knows (obviously) that I am not waiting around on him. Man was he ever jealous!!!!! I loved it!
Ariadne Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Hey you, He held me all night, but it was nothing sexual. He made it clear to me that we were not going to have sex. Oh no! What a pest! Well, in time... in time... Good luck there and glad to hear you had a good weekend, Ariadne
Author Mollyanna Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 yeah it was kinda cool, except for the hangover! I felt really good all day today until about 3pm. I can't seem to do anything but sit here and wait for that damn phone to ring. (he said he would call me today, his idea...) I just want it to ring. I don't want to answer it. Isn't that funny? I want him to call so I can not answer it? what a game....
malibu Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 i know the feeling. i thought i was the only one who would wait for the phone to ring only to decide not to answer it. then kick myself later in the day for not answering when he called. its like you just want to know that your on his mind or that he wanted to talk to you. its a vicious cycle thats hard to break
Author Mollyanna Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 yeah, you would think I would leave the house so when he does call, I won't be here to answer it. But noooo, instead every time the phone rings I jump to see if it is him. And fall into dispair when it is someone else... And to make it worse, I sit and wash "Hope Floats", a really sad movie that makes me cry. As if I don't do enough crying already. I was half tempted to call the guy I met on Friday, just for some attention, but I really don't want to use that guy that way. I wouldn't want it done to me.
Kirlin Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 awweee that sounds so romantic atleast he carees that much about you holycrap my bf wouldnt do that nice of things ur one lucky gal hes a keeper
Author Mollyanna Posted August 1, 2006 Author Posted August 1, 2006 awweee that sounds so romantic atleast he carees that much about you holycrap my bf wouldnt do that nice of things ur one lucky gal hes a keeper lol I suppose I should take that as complete sarcasm. Well, for 2 days I sat in this house depressed. Last night I call him and I am upset, not about him - just this stupid depression in general, hating my life and all that... told him I can't seem to get anything done but work and sleep and have nothing to look forward to. We talk for a half hour and he invites me over to sleep there and just talk and cuddle. Of course I go. He is wonderful all night and even when things started to get a little sexual, he made sure to stop it. God knows I didn't have the power to. He said he didn't want me to feel like **** about it in the morning and to hate myself or feel like a whore. I took it as rejection last night, that he just didn't want me, but he again reassured me this morning that he indeed did want it but it isn't time for that yet. I told him I missed being with him and he said he misses me too and it isn't forever, that we will be together again. I wish I knew what it would take to make that happen.
sickkitty Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 Thats what my ex said to be but i dont believe he is ever coming back i saw my ex last monday and he couldnt stop complementing me and hugging and kissing me, but i think its just a way for them 2 keep u sweet! Dont give ur hopes up like i have coz it will give u more heart ache in the future, holding on 2 some one is the worste thing u can do believe me thats what im doing now and it hurts like hell. i wish i could follow my own advice. All the best to u x Amanda xx
Ariadne Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 Hey, It reminds me of that other ex of yours, when you spent like two months as friends and cudding at night but no sex (but then things changed). He is wonderful all night and even when things started to get a little sexual, he made sure to stop it. Well, at least things started to get a "little sexual," let's hope three is a charm. Hang in there, good luck, Ariadne
Author Mollyanna Posted August 1, 2006 Author Posted August 1, 2006 It reminds me of that other ex of yours, when you spent like two months as friends and cudding at night but no sex (but then things changed). The simularities between that relationship and this one are not lost on me. This guy gets very angry when I compare him to the old ex though. Also I have told him about these boards and what people tell me - that people tell me to run from him and that "a break" was really just a coward's way of saying "breakup". He tells me to just wait and see and he will prove them all wrong.
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