Sinistervixen Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I know this should be apparant. But i think im confusing somethings. Can i have some ideas? I equate them. I dont have sex until im in love. but im afraid that he isnt doing that.
norajane Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Would he be with you if you weren't having sex? If so, then there's stronger reason to believe he loves you too. If sex is the primary connection between you, then it's probably just sex for him, not love.
blind_otter Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I know this should be apparant. But i think im confusing somethings. Can i have some ideas? I equate them. I dont have sex until im in love. but im afraid that he isnt doing that. Not everyone does that. In fact there is a subset of humans that takes pains to not feel eomtinal attachement when they have sex. As NJ said, if sex is the primary reason he's hanging out with you, there's your answer. here's an idea. Ask him to go without sex for a month, and just spend time with you. So you can be sure. If he suddenly finds random excuses or is "busy" then you'll have a concrete answer that is not based on conjecture.
JamesM Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 In simplest terms, sex is selfish, love is giving. To put that into perspective, if you don't want sex and he does, then love (on his side) would say," I will wait until you are ready because sex is an expression of my love to you." (On the other hand if you were married and you said "No sex" then this would be selfish on your part. Love would say that I want to satisfy your needs, too). If he says that he has to have it, or will go elsewhere, and is not patient trying to understand that you want more than just the physical in a relationship, then he is not showing love to you, but he is trying to satisfy only his urges. This is why it is good to wait for sex until after marriage when you are committed to one another. Prior to marriage it is good to build up a relationsip that is based on friendship and emotional connection.
Guest Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 In simplest terms, sex is selfish, love is giving. To put that into perspective, if you don't want sex and he does, then love (on his side) would say," I will wait until you are ready because sex is an expression of my love to you." (On the other hand if you were married and you said "No sex" then this would be selfish on your part. Love would say that I want to satisfy your needs, too). If he says that he has to have it, or will go elsewhere, and is not patient trying to understand that you want more than just the physical in a relationship, then he is not showing love to you, but he is trying to satisfy only his urges. This is why it is good to wait for sex until after marriage when you are committed to one another. Prior to marriage it is good to build up a relationsip that is based on friendship and emotional connection. Good thoughts, but, unless he's posted in the wrong forum, I think she's the OW having an affair with a MM. For that reason, I'd say it's more likely that it's just sex for him rather than love.
magichands Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Lack of sex can lead to frustration, and lack of love can lead to heartache.
stoopid_guy Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Sex is an action, love is a feeling. It's probably better to compare lust (another feeling) with love. When you love someone, you want to make them happy. You want the best for them. You want to give them pleasure. Their happiness makes you happy. When you lust for someone you want to have sex with them, probably because you find them attractive. Lust and love are seperate feelings, but not mutually exclusive. I dont have sex until im in love. but im afraid that he isnt doing that. Entirely possible, men don't tie lust and love together as strongly as women do.
Tony T Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 Sex is screwing and love is when you get screwed in the process of making your way to screwing.
owcanbhppy Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 i look at it this way, do you love the person, care about his/her happiness, even if what makes him/her happy doesnt line up w/ behaviour you desire from him/her. (not to be mistaken w/ inconsiderate behaviour towards you).
Author Sinistervixen Posted July 23, 2006 Author Posted July 23, 2006 Yes i think it is two things Love and lust. Yes he is willing to do anything i want, even if that means do nothing. He desires me, it makes me feel loved. That is where im messed up. I havent been desired in years. I believe he loves me. But i think he has his lust tied up in it too, so its...diluting...it. Since he has made his decision to stay with her, his compliments are starting to sound flat. So i think i am...well im feeling different.
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 He desires me, it makes me feel loved It's based on a false action. Not with all men, but some men - Sex is just sex. Most women don't feel that way, so that is your confusion. Don't mistake him having sex with you, as love. I'm sure he cares about you, alot. But, not enough to end his marriage and start a new life with you. His choice to stay with his wife is your answer. If you continue seeing him, you're bringing alot of pain your way. Don't stay second best. You deserve love and happiness! You just aren't going to get what you from your MM.
WithOrWithoutYou Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Love is caring about someone else as much as or even more than yourself, and wanting to be with another persion (yes, even if not having sex with them at the moment) more than anything. Sex is sometimes confused with love, because people in love often have sex (or "make love") as a way of expressing how they feel about one another. Sex is not love, it is a physical act. A very pleasureable physical act, yes, but still, just a physical act. You can have sex with someone you do not love (or perhaps only love as a friend) and enjoy it very much, but in my experience it is always better with someone you are in love with (romantically).
Outcast Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 And the problem with having sex with people is that sex creates bonding, especially for women, by setting in motion some chemicals in their systems that are designed to bond them to their sex partners.
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