Not sure where to put this? Interacial, work, triangles?

[Guest]

Hi all,

 

I joined this group to gain insight into things that are going on around me. The long and short of it is that I became very close to a black woman at work and then I became very deeply infatuated with her. This is the first time I have become attracted to a black woman, I wish someone had told me what I was missing :-)

 

I didn't tell her right away, and I knew she had become very interested in a guy at work who happens to be married. So I try to be supportive but it's tearing me apart. The guy is actually a nice guy and we get along well

 

So I finally told her and confused the crap out of her. She wanted to just be friends because she has these deep feelings for him but thinks I’m a great guy but just friends. But then we did couple stuff. We hung out, went to dinner, we madeout/hookedup like crazy and she really likes me (She was never with an Asian guy so we are each other’s first) but here lies the rub.

 

She has been totally honest with me. She really likes this guy and has built this whole fantasy around him (he’s a white guy, we’re a regular 90’s Benetton commercial in one f**ked up triangle).

 

According to her I’m one of the greatest (not the greatest obviously) guy she ever met. I’m sweet, supportive, handsome (I think I’m average but it’s nice to hear), I make her feel safe and protected, I make her feel good, I'm a great kisser with magic hands, and I make her laugh. But, he has that certain something that makes her wild. How the hell do you fight that?

 

I’m all these great things but he has something that is unidentifiable that trumps all that. I should mention that he’s been with several women in our company but she doesn’t care about his past, he’s married but is unhappy (I knew he was unhappy for a while so it’s no line). He’s actually a really good guy who has been totally supportive of my career and me so it’s hard to be mad at him though I am.

 

It finally came to the point that I decided that the only way to resolve the situation was to tell him, find out how he feels, and let her decide. So I forced the issue and she spoke to him.

 

Needless to say, it didn’t go my way. He’s very interested in her; he knows about me (except the intimate stuff), they both don’t want to hurt me. We are all concerned about the work situation as none of us can just leave and I am in a world of hurt.

 

I’ve always taken a while to recover after a breakup and I didn’t have to see my exes. (Though we were not a couple, I feel a profound sense of loss and an incredible heaviness). But not only do I have to see her 5 days a week (For the last several months we’ve seen each other everyday and were on the phone for hours and I will miss that) but also I have to work with the guy she rejected me for. And of course he has to be a really good guy and not some jerkoff and I have some guilt for hating him. What did he do that I wouldn’t do? She’s wonderful, sweet, sexy, smart, and beautiful but boy do I dislike him right now. He’s in the place I want to be in.

 

Every time I see her I long for her, I think of my loss and what might have been. She makes it harder because she wants us to remain friends and feels my anger is unfair because she has been honest with me. Every time I see him, I feel anger, guilt, and wonder what they are doing. I can't concentrate and I can't focus. I feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t want to go to my friends so here I am. I really don’t think there is anyone who can say anything or do anything but it does feel a little good to write about it.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Craig]

He isn't a good guy, he is a manipulative serial cheater putting up the image of a good guy.

 

She isn't a catch either. She has a fantasy about a married co-worker and presumably would act upon it if given the chance. That doesn't sound smart, respectful, honest, wonderful or beautiful.

 

You're mad at this 'really good guy who has been totally supportive of your career' because your intuition (subconscious) is telling you that he is a jerk in sheeps clothing. He hasn't been honest so much as manipulative, setting the stage for his serial cheating to continue. Oh poor boy, he has such bad marriage no wonder he cheats. He isn't interested in her for anything except a temporary fling and then she gets flung back into the 'pool' of vaginas with all his other conquests.

 

Neither of these 'people' are good for you. Both will eventually hurt you.

 

You haven't lost anything so much as won freedom from a crazy situation, you've been saved a world of hurt by her rejecting you for a married man.

 

Everyone wants to remain friends huh? LOL. It isn't going to happen. The best thing you can do is be polite and respectful and move on with your life. And for your sake get out into the real world to find the love of your life, don't do it at work.

[burning 4 revenge]

i worked with my ex-gf and she left me for another guy at work. she even would give him head in the parking lot when she was still officially with me. everybody knew about it and it was a source of great humiliation. at first she tried covering it up, but in the end she just admitted it and pursued him right in front of me. she even told me she still loved me more, but lusted him.

 

i had to leave. i couldn't focus. i was so full of rage, it was like the adrenaline was suffocating me. i'm getting angry writing this. i'm still full of rage everytime i think of that arrogant selfish bitch

[Guest]

He isn't a good guy, he is a manipulative serial cheater putting up the image of a good guy.

 

I think you may be right but I have known him much longer then I've known her. He's always been helpful and has backed me in several project arguments/debates. So I still see him as a nice guy but then there is that history with him and other women at our company. I wish I could buy what he has.

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Guest]

i had to leave. i couldn't focus. i was so full of rage, it was like the adrenaline was suffocating me. i'm getting angry writing this. i'm still full of rage everytime i think of that arrogant selfish bitch

 

Sorry to dredge up that stuff for you and for myself I think leaving is the best thing but is just not viable right now.

 

Thanks