digitalsushi Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 i've been dating a man for just over three months now and have practically moved into his house. in january he broke up with a woman he'd been with for about 10 years, but assured me he was ready for commitment and a relationship. one night we went to bed started to make love when he slipped "i love you". shocked at this, i consulted a friend and she advised me to sit on it for a few weeks and ignore it. a few weeks later he went to the USA for a business trip. he was always text messaging my phone with: "i love you", "i wish you were here" "when i come home i'm going to spoil you", "i miss you". after he came back, we made love and he told me he loved me during sex. a few weeks passed, we made love and he told me he loved me during sex again. i was getting upset at the fact that he would only tell me this during sex. also during this time he was talking to his ex girlfriend about "money" e.g having phone conversations (no idea if he was actually seeing her in person). lately all the spoiling me and promises he made didn't happen and finally when i woke up this morning and he told me about a dream with zoe (that's right, we go by his ex's first name now) i lost it and started to cry. i was relatively upset all day. in the afternoon he told me he was going for a walk. i told him that i was sorry for the fact i got upset - but his reply was. "i've had a bad year and i really don't want to have to deal with your emotional problems, i don't have to, i've had enough problems with what happened with zoe (his ex)" then he left. after this he organized to have drinks with friends and went out, suggesting that i go home and that we would talk about this tomorrow. i asked if we were breaking up and he replied, no. i understand he isn't really in love with me, if he's only saying it during sex and doesn't care when i'm upset. so tomorrow he wants to talk. i have switched my cell phone off, because i have a suspicion it's a break up talk. anyone have any idea what his problem is? is he not that into me? should i walk away right now and not speak to him again, so at least i have some self-respect and the upper-hand, or should i hear him out?
Heavenseventeen Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 First of all, switch your mobile/cell phone right back on. You could be missing important calls from important people. It is clear what his problem is. He is immature and heartless. He was clearly not ready to be in another relationship, but he used you as a distraction anyway. He is not considering your feelings at all, so why should you consider his? He might say two different things: 1- Honey, I'm sorry for the way I acted. It was rude. I didn't mean it. Will you forgive me? 2- Honey, I'm sorry for the way I acted. But I am not ready to move on yet. I am still in love with my ex. I personally would hope for number two, but would enforce it either way. He needs time and space to get over his ex. Maybe after he has had thinking time, and detached himself from her, you could think about trying again- but this time he needs to make sure that he is ready. You need time and space to find your inner self. No one deserves to be used like this, so you need to raise your self esteem. Just talk to him and stand up for yourself.
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