Response to Ed's response

[Krista]

There were fallings out. The way we are now is the last time I saw him I snubbed him, because of past lies. I don't want to be like that. I want to see him and be able to say hello. I want him to know I don't care about what he did in the past and am over it and want to be friends again. I miss him. Anyways thats why I'm not sure if I should call. He's never home and always busy, should I call him at work or is it weird to still have his old work numbers? If I don't call it might be months till I see him again. We hardly bump into each other, thats not to say never. I think he might have a girlfriend and might think I want him back, how do I prevent this, I just want to know him again and as it stands now be friends, although I don't know where the wind will carry me in any aspect of life.

[Ed]

Whether you should contact him or not depends on how things ended with your last contact.

 

You said you snubbed him. What do you mean by snubbed? Did you tell him to leave you alone and not contact you anymore? If you are the one that cut off contact, then you should be the one to initiate any further contact.

 

If he asked you not to contact him anymore, then you should respect his wishes and leave him alone, unless or until he decides he wants to be in contact with you again.

 

All in all, people that break up and cease contact with each other did so for what one, the other or both thought was a good reason. In most cases it's better to leave it that way, move on and don't look back. If, by chance, you happen across each other again, you can deal with it at that time.

 

No matter what happened in the past, you really need to figure out why you want to talk to him again. You obviously think you will somehow benefit from it. What do you expect to get from it?

[Lilly]

If I've got this straight the last time you two saw each other things ended 'badly'.... he believes you have a grievance with him. Correct?.

 

If that's the case then I've been in your shoes with an ex. I did contact him again and told him I forgave him, wanted to be friends. It's worked out, we aren't close buddies or anything (don't want to be) but we catch up every now and then, have a coffee, have a laugh and chew the fat. Not saying this works for everyone, sometimes it's best to just let things be... but we had a lot of history between us and we still care about each other as human beings.

 

In both your posts you said you want to contact him with only the intentinon of being friends... yet in both posts you also indicated that you haven't ruled out anything more, should things go down that path. I think you really need to examine your motives for contacting him again a bit closer, be really honest with yourself. Often when we are feeling a bit lonely our minds wander back to the intimacy we once shared with someone... and we want it back. You really need to be at a point where you know NOTHING more can ever happen between you again, amen, before you contact him again and for the friendship to work.

 

How do you prevent him thinking that you might want him back? By being clear with yourself first that you really don't want him back, doesn't sound like you are - which I guess is why you're thinking he'll think that. He WILL pick up what's on the back of your mind, believe me, he will.