NightsDarkRose Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Im 19 and am involved with a 37 yr old married man...someone who works with me....the thing is, im not a slut, or a tramp and i wasnt raised to do something like this....and i never expected to find myself in that kind of situation....i only had one sexual partner in my life and i havent even slept with this person yet, but i feel its leading there... at first i was just really flattered because so many women at work are after him and he sought me out...but i was soooo attracted to him and even tho he flirted i never thought in a thousand yrs he would ever do anything...it was like a harmless fantasy...then he made his move and i was so taken by suprise. i dont even understand it myself...my friends all think its weird cause they think hes waaay to old [no offense to anyone over 30} but i feel like a teenage boy with out of control hormones when im near him. i dont know what to do at this point, i kno its wrong and i should be disturbed that hes even interested in me..i mean, his daughter is almost my age. i posted it this to get unbiased advice...and a male perspective on whats going on his head. im not a homewrecker...im just confused at this point.
stoopid_guy Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I hate to say it, but this guy's after nothing but sex. No offense to you, but the life experiences of a 37-yo compared to a 19-yo are so dramatically different that lust will probably be the only thing you have in common. It sounds like the guy is after sex with someone too young to know any better, someone easily impressed and manipulated. Stay away from him.
petunia Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I think stoopidguy is right. Not that there's anything wrong with sex and lust, it sounds like that's not your style. That said, a few moments of sex that feel good will lead to emotional pain of knowing there probably won't be a relationship in it for you. At the same time, there are plenty of couples with large age gaps, but right now for a 19 year old and 37 year old it's like the age gap is magnified. Once you hit your mid twenties it's not as bad, but I guess the point is this guy's intentions, and no, they may not be good. Hope that helps and good luck to you!
stoopid_guy Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 right now for a 19 year old and 37 year old it's like the age gap is magnified. Once you hit your mid twenties it's not as bad Exactly. There's a big difference between 19 and 25. At 19, you're barely out of high school, your views of the world are more idealistic. At 25, you've been on your own for a while, your priorities have changed dramatically, your views are more realistic.
alfagrl Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 You may be too young to remember him, but all I have to say is -JOEY BUTAFUCCO.
NightsDarkRose Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 its just i dont know that if i decide to sleep with him, if he would want to continue having a sexual relationship or if he will just lose interest? does that make sense? he bought a house in staten island and he said hes moving in august but hes keeping his apartment here in brooklyn...that hes going to just rent out the basement apartment...for a hang out or whatever...and that we could hang out there. i kno i kno im a big idiot.....its just soooo hard to resist him and i feel like i want to sleep with him....but like i said, i dont know that for him if it would be just be a one time thing cause he got what he wanted or if we would continue sleeping together. whats your opinion? oh hahahahahaaha yea i remember joey buttafucuo...that thought has actually crossed my mind at one point and i was truly disturbed...but honestly....this guy is so gorgeous! whats actually almost as disturbing is that he has a 17 year old daughter...who works part time at this coffee place across the street from our building and ive seen her....do u think that makes him kind of like a pedophile? am i really sick in the head or is he?
norajane Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I think stoopidguy is right. Not that there's anything wrong with sex and lust, it sounds like that's not your style. That said, a few moments of sex that feel good will lead to emotional pain of knowing there probably won't be a relationship in it for you. At the same time, there are plenty of couples with large age gaps, but right now for a 19 year old and 37 year old it's like the age gap is magnified. Once you hit your mid twenties it's not as bad, but I guess the point is this guy's intentions, and no, they may not be good. Hope that helps and good luck to you! Um, the problem really isn't the age difference. It's that HE"S MARRIED. His intentions are no good because HE'S MARRIED. There's nothing wrong with sex and lust; what is wrong is that HE'S MARRIED.
norajane Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 but like i said, i dont know that for him if it would be just be a one time thing cause he got what he wanted or if we would continue sleeping together. whats your opinion? If you have sex with him, yes, eventually, he will lose interest...when the next naive 19 year old walks into his life and into his 'love shack' in Brooklyn. He's MARRIED - his primary interests lie with his wife, and, apparently, cheating.
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 im not a homewrecker... If you don't want to be a homewrecker then do not allow something to happen. He is only looking for one thing. I'm sorry and I don't mean to sound mean, but the fact he is married, has a 17 year old daughter and you're 19, old enough to BE his daughter as well - Doesn't look good. Do you believe he'll dump his wife and be with you? Do you want to be the other woman, be second best and be his booty call when he feels like extra attention? Giving him an ego stroke?? The guy is 37 years old, he knows better. Just look at the news with Christie Brinkley's husband. He hired a young lady to work with him, started having an affair with her. They got busted, and now she regrets it and wishes it never happened. She said she didn't think, she didn't know the damage it could cause... See, that is where you are. You can't look far into the future and see what the consquences of YOUR actions will be. Find a single guy, closer to your age who isn't married or have kids. Go google Christie Brinkley and read about that story. Read about the 18 year old girl who has made the biggest mistake of her life.
NightsDarkRose Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 lolol love shack....your absolutely right....i kno its wrong, and it makes me feel bad to think that you can marry someone, and have to worry about your husband hooking up with young girls...what a ego blow it must be for the w. it kind of makes u never want to get married at all or die young... i came really close to sleeping with him but i stopped myself, even though all he has to do is look at me and i want to attack him...and he comes off as soo sweet and gentle and soft spoken and makes me feel soo good about myself in one way, even though my rational mind knows hes a cheating a**hole whos NOT a nice guy, that its just a facade. and i work with him too and i keep saying to myself "ok im gonna just ignore him or avoid him" and it works for about 2 days and then it starts all over again. i wish i could just be the type to sleep with him and get him out of my system but i dont think i could...and id be sooo embarrassed to being seeing after that at work.........
Outcast Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Here's what you get to do for fulfilling your selfish desire to have sex with someone else's HUSBAND: Hurt the wife. Of course she'll find out. Women aren't idiots. So you get to help destroy her trust in her husband, and possibly in men. Hurt his daughter. Again, how would you like it if you found out your dad slept around on your mom - with someone your age? You could possibly also make her - somebody YOUR age - distrust men forever. So for your little horniness, you get to hurt some other folks and, very likely, get badly hurt yourself. For heaven's sakes just masturbate!!!!!!!! Go have a crush on a single guy. This is going to screw up your life and the lives of people who never did anything to you. Could you be proud of yourself for doing that?
NightsDarkRose Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 oh i know he would never leave his wife and i wouldnt want him too,...im not in love with him,..and maybe this makes me sound like a bitch or hard hearted, but im not really all that interested in him as a person...im just really attracted to him and i think, to look at myself harshly and admit this about myself, its also an ego boost for me. i just have to dump a really big vat of ice cold water on my head...and get over this somehow...or just run way from him at work so i dont see those sexy little glances....
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Why ignore him? Why not TELL HIM that he's married and you're NOT into sleeping with married men? Take it a step further and tell him that if he continues to flirt with you, you'll mention it to his wife. Trust me, THAT will get him to back off. Though, I doubt you would say anything to him in that nature...I think you're too closed minded and have blinders on to see how innocent flirting and maybe even fooling around could lead to complete embarressment and devastation in your life - Let alone for his wife and daughter. Imagine this: Your own father. Flirting openly and leading a young girl on, close to your age. Wouldn't that make you mad? Not only at your father for flirting with someone else and wanting to have sex with them, but wouldn't you feel resentment towards the girl? Like, Hello! YOU know he's older and married, has a wife and kid...WHY would you STILL pursue MY dad, knowing that??? Think about it...Really think about it.
NightsDarkRose Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 he got caught once before,...and she stayed with him. i guess because she loves him..and since i dont, i have the chance to walk away more or less unscathed if i dont sleep with him, where shes in in for the long haul. and yeah he may a dick, but i dont want to be one with him... which is whats been stopping me so far...its only when he kisses me that common sense goes out the window...so im just gonna have to avoid that...
Outcast Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 its also an ego boost for me. I will NEVER understand this. Men are horny creatures. It's a common saying that a man will screw anything that doesn't run fast enough and yes, I know it's a broad generalization and that many men aren't that way. But still, men are horndogs so that one wants to sleep with you is no big deal. Of course he does! Whoop de do. He wants to polish his knob in your vagina today, somebody else's tomorrow. He's already been caught doing it before. He'd love to sleep with bunches of women, I'm sure, but most have enough self-respect to not spread for a guy just because he's interested. Because they already know it's not flattering at all. It's just male.
NightsDarkRose Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 i should tell him that, and i havent cause i didnt want to give up the attention, and because i guess the whole idea seemed really exciting at first, but then it just got all serious and then i WANTED to sleep with him and it got out of hand....i know i have to nip this in the bud before i make another mistake, its just really hard when someone effects you in a certain way....all u think about is that moment and its so easy to forget everything else.
norajane Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 he got caught once before,...and she stayed with him. i guess because she loves him..and since i dont, i have the chance to walk away more or less unscathed if i dont sleep with him, where shes in in for the long haul. and yeah he may a dick, but i dont want to be one with him... which is whats been stopping me so far...its only when he kisses me that common sense goes out the window...so im just gonna have to avoid that... You don't get to walk away unscathed - you lose your self-respect. And for the rest of your LIFE, you will have to live with the knowledge that you messed around with a married guy. Consider this: one day, you will meet a wonderful guy that you fall in love with. You're either going to have to lie and hide your past from him (and hope none of your friends tells him), or tell him the truth and risk losing his respect, probably his trust, and perhaps the love of your life, all because of some temporary ego boost. You also may not walk away unscathed medically. If he cheats on his wife, who's to say he always uses condoms? Do you really want to risk herpes or HPV for some married guy?
Outcast Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 There's nothing exciting about becoming someone's bit on the side. It relegates you to a second-class citizen. Not good enough to be seen with him out in public. Not to be visited on special occasions. Hidden, secret, skanky. It's not exciting or glamourous - it's settling for crumbs and half (or less) of a relationship. No woman who respects herself would accept such a pitiful situation.
NightsDarkRose Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 i havent spread anything, and i do have self respect. i dont know what your angry about that u feel need to start attacking me. and why is it always ok for men to want to sleep with people but if a woman just wants to have sex it suddenly makes her a whore? its a double standard that im so sick of....i posted up this thread not to get attacked by someone i dont know but as a place to some unbiased feedback and to express my feelings...and u have been very nasty previously in your posts and i still didnt get nasty with u back because i respect the fact that you have a right to your opinion, but your last one was really uncalled for.
NightsDarkRose Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 u know i actually didnt think of that...i figured he'd be cleaner because hes married...which now in retrospect seems like a really retarded idea...lol who knows what he could have....thx for that.
Outcast Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I'm not angry, nor am I 'attacking' you. I'm saying this is true of ANYBODY who does it. I've said it to a zillion folks before. I'm trying to get you to see what you're doing from an outside point of view and see that there's nothing 'exciting' about it. I'm trying to shake you out of all your cloudy images of what affairs are and understand there's nothing pretty about them before you get into one and find out for yourself and end up sad and feeling like hell because you've been treated so badly. If I saw you running off a cliff and wanted to save you, would you want me to whisper 'oh dear, you might not want to do that' or yell LOOK OUT? Well this is me yelling LOOK OUT in hope that you'll not run right off the cliff and get smashed on the rocks below.
norajane Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 and why is it always ok for men to want to sleep with people but if a woman just wants to have sex it suddenly makes her a whore? its a double standard that im so sick of....i posted up this thread not to get attacked by someone i dont know but as a place to some unbiased feedback and to express my feelings... I think you're missing Outcast's point. No one is saying that if a woman wants sex she's a whore. Everyone is saying HE's the whore for cheating on his wife. However, you might want to consider that double standard; that is how some people will see you and think of you if you go through with this, regardless of whether you think the double standard is right or not. You aren't getting attacked; you're getting the unbiased feedback from people who are tyring to help you see what you would be getting yourself into if you don't step back.
NightsDarkRose Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 i said i would walk away unscathed if i DIDNT sleep with him. not if i did.
justagirliegirl Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 outcast, I like how you put it! Of course every man wants to sleep with us when we're hot and they are horny for us. It certainly isn't an ego boost because frankly who wouldn't want to sleep with me! I guess there is nothing wrong with women having casual sex just to bang some guy and get off. Problem is this guy is an old pervy married letch looking to bang naive young teenagers. The power lies in that we can be so very selective at who we let between our legs.
NightsDarkRose Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 the truth sucks,...but thats the good thing about threads like this.
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