DuRaS27 Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 So 3 months ago my first girlfriend broke up with me after an 8 month mostly long distance relationship because she honestly didn't think I liked her that much. Other reasons included that I just didn't treat her that well. I got really, really upset, and stopped talking to her for a week. Then eventually she called me, basically said she wanted to get back together. However, there was another guy in her life at that point. She started hanging out with me and him at the same time. Anyway, since then she's basically been stringing me along, but this guy that she's been hanging out with she doesn't consider to be her boyfriend, but she does like him very, very much and he's actually in love with her (at least he's said he is, which is very common for this girl). So a week ago I had this conversation with her where it looks like I'm definitely going to get a second chance. This guy she's been 'dating' is not going to the same college as her (which is nearly 5 hours away). I am going to the same college as her. When she leaves, she's planning to be single and to not get into a long distance relationship with this guy. Three possibilities: 1. She just 'naturally' gets back with me because we're hanging out so much at college (a given since I'll be the only one she knows there). 2. She misses this other guy SOOO much that she calls him and tells him she wants to be his girlfriend (or it happens if he visits her one weekend). 3. She decides she doesn't want me and doesn't really miss him much. She's not making any decisions about me or about this guy maybe for a week, or even a month. Now what can I do? I was thinking about three different things I could do in hopes that she'll get back with me: 1. Stop talking to her before we go to school. Last time she visited the school and I wasn't there (nor talking to her), she missed me so bad she called me like 10 times and told me how much she loved me (and this was 2 months after we broke up). Basically, I'm talking about administering NC when I know she'll need the contact the most. Which makes sense, but I'm so afraid it'll backfire somehow (she'll find a new friend up at school, or get really mad at me) and I'll have ruined my opportunity to get back with her. 2. Try as hard as I can. Give her presents, make her things, and write her poetry, stories, and do everything I can think of. Throw parties with cake, streamers, balloons, everything else! Show her that I truly love her. 3. Do basically nothing. Hang out with her when she wants to hang out. Try to have fun, and if something happens, then it happens. (basically the same philosophy she has right now.) So what does everyone think of my situation? What choice of those last three do you think I should follow?
Author DuRaS27 Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 64 views and 0 replies... Does anyone want me to clarify something or need more information?
Clouseau Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Hmmmm... your option 3 sounds best... but it's late here so I'll need to sleep and get back to you!
Diver012 Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 It doesn't sound like she knows what she wants. If you dissapear, then she comes running after you. You stop and turn around, she runs the other way. I would take option #1, but not for the sake of winning her back, NC is about letting go and moving on. If she does come back after this, then make sure its on your terms, not hers. after all, she broke up with you.
norajane Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Option 1, because you don't need a b**ch in your life who's going to string you along and play one guy off another. She's going to reach college and move from one guy to another...do you really want to hang on to someone who treats you so poorly? Go out and meet a girl who wants only you, and is eager to be with you. I know you won't follow this advice, so still go with option 1. Option 2 will make you look like needy/clingy/pushover doormat guy. Option 3 will have you sitting around watching her go out with strings and strings of other guys.
johnnytable Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Option 1 is the only way to go. Option 2 is pathetic. Option 3 is just stringing yourself along. Put effort into somebody that wants to be with you.
Author DuRaS27 Posted July 25, 2006 Author Posted July 25, 2006 Okay, well I said she dumped me because she THOUGHT I didn't like her much. The truth was, I WAS very luke-warm about her. She sensed this and realized she didn't want to end up married to someone who didn't like her all that much. I mean, there were times I even admitted to her that I wasn't that passionate about her. For our last couple months together we'd been having many conflicts about things until finally she told me she wanted to break up. She was my first girlfriend and I made a huge mistake. I guess I thought I need experience with other girls before I settled down. Except I wasn't the one to break up--when she broke up with me was when I finally started appreciating her. Once we broke up, I realized all those special things she used to do for me meant a lot. When I went home and she wasn't on the couch to cuddle with while we watched TV, I broke down. When I realized she'd never be there for that again, I really broke down. It isn't as if now that I can't have her I want her more than ever; many mistake this for that. Rather, I just miss being in love with her and all those great things that came with it. I'm so afraid that I'll never be able to find a girl like her that will just do anything for me like she would. But I guess when I really think about it, it was the fact that she'd do anything for me that I exploited that was a huge part of the reason we broke up. I guess I'm just venting. But that second option to me looks pretty good because I mistreated her while we were going out and took her for granted. Fact is, I know that our relationship wasn't perfect and there are few that are perfect. I also know that once her and I get back together I'm going to remember all those things that made me not like her so much--including the fact that she was my first everything and I want to be with other girls before I settle down. But for now, I feel like she's the one for me, and she's the only one I ever want to be with.
norajane Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Okay, well I said she dumped me because she THOUGHT I didn't like her much. The truth was, I WAS very luke-warm about her. She sensed this and realized she didn't want to end up married to someone who didn't like her all that much. I mean, there were times I even admitted to her that I wasn't that passionate about her. For our last couple months together we'd been having many conflicts about things until finally she told me she wanted to break up. She was my first girlfriend and I made a huge mistake. I guess I thought I need experience with other girls before I settled down. Except I wasn't the one to break up--when she broke up with me was when I finally started appreciating her. Once we broke up, I realized all those special things she used to do for me meant a lot. When I went home and she wasn't on the couch to cuddle with while we watched TV, I broke down. When I realized she'd never be there for that again, I really broke down. It isn't as if now that I can't have her I want her more than ever; many mistake this for that. Rather, I just miss being in love with her and all those great things that came with it. I'm so afraid that I'll never be able to find a girl like her that will just do anything for me like she would. But I guess when I really think about it, it was the fact that she'd do anything for me that I exploited that was a huge part of the reason we broke up. I guess I'm just venting. But that second option to me looks pretty good because I mistreated her while we were going out and took her for granted. Fact is, I know that our relationship wasn't perfect and there are few that are perfect. I also know that once her and I get back together I'm going to remember all those things that made me not like her so much--including the fact that she was my first everything and I want to be with other girls before I settle down. But for now, I feel like she's the one for me, and she's the only one I ever want to be with. I knew you wouldn't follow my advice to find a girl who wants only you and who is eager to be with you. You were thinking about marriage after a mostly long distance relationship you'd been in for only 8 months? At your age? With your first girlfriend ever? That's insanity, and disaster waiting to happen. She's been stringing you along for a while now, and playing you against the other guy she's seeing (whom she'd started hanging out with at the SAME TIME she started hanging out with you...you have NO idea if she'd been having sex with him at the same time she was seeing you). You will find another girl. You haven't even tried! You're in college - open your eyes and take a look around at all the wonderful girls that are there. Instead of moping around about a girl who doesn't want you, you could be cuddling on the couch with a girl who is crazy about you. I repeat. Option 2 will make you look like a doormat/wussy/loser. She will know she has you wrapped around her little finger, and she'll jerk you toward her when she wants attention, and will push you away when she's met someone else she'd rather jerk around.
Author DuRaS27 Posted July 25, 2006 Author Posted July 25, 2006 No, you have that wrong. She did NOT start hanging out with this guy at the same time as me. She started hanging out with him as a friend a few months before we broke up (almost always with a group of friends from her college). She is a very loyal girl and I trust that she never cheated on me. Anyway trust me, this guy is not good looking enough for her to have cheated on me with him while we were together. We were in an exclusive relationship for 8 months.
norajane Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 I re-read your post, and now I understand. It's been about 3 months that she's been hanging out with both you and the other guy.
Recommended Posts