the_alchemyst Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I'm uberly anxious again. Argh! I hate this feeling. I had been okay for the past week or so. Sure, I constantly kept thinking about him, but I managed to read enough books, play enough videogames, and watch enough anime to at least keep myself busy. Oh, and not to forget mentioning being on the internet 24/7. I was okay, more or less. But for these past 2 days or so . . . OMFG. I keep having dreams about him and I HATE that because I feel all shi*** when I awaken. I'm also finding myself constantly looking at my phone because I know he's not going to call, but I guess I just want to hurt myself by asserting what I already know. I've driven by his house once or twice in the middle of the night because lately I just CANNOT sleep! So I take my car and drive past there, only to see his car not there--he's probably out partying. I guess I just want to see that he's not there so I can come home and resume my tear-fest. And I just can't stay still. I'm constantly running out of this dinky studio to the liquor store to buy whatever. Either that or I just hop on the freeway, with no direction whatsoever, roll down the windows, blast the music so that my ears hurt, and speed off like a maniac, wasting money I hardly have enough of on gas for no good reason. For the past few nights I have ended up in LA and San Diego. Ok. WTF. I got lost last night because I'm not all that good with the freeways, and there are just so many of them around here. Why am I in San Diego? And I go way too fast on the freeway--think over 100. Sigh. Sometimes I'll be listening to some stupid bastard song and I'll start crying as I'm driving. And then I'll forget to take my medicine. And then I'll tell myself that I don't care about the stupid medicine. And then I'll do stupid things like I did last night--I tossed the bottle of pills on the road and now I don't have any anymore. More waste of money. Oh, and then I want to tell my parents that they suck. Self-absorbed mongrels, they are. I'm all dying and they are "too busy" with their own dramatics to pay attention. Sometimes I wish I had brain failure instead of heart failure so that these endlessly streaming thoughts could just STOP. Jesus. I feel so unhappy.
Chinook Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Christ almighty I really wish I didn't know what you're talking about but I could have written this post myself. I'm so sorry you're in this hell Alchemist. Really man, I am so very sorry.
KittenMoon Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 :( Oh man A- are you having anxiety/panic attacks? Probably not good for your heart. Hell, I'm having them and I'm healthy and I know how much they are tearing me down. Try to calm down. Take your meds. (when you can get more anyways) Oh, f*ck it none of this advice really works. But you're getting self-detructive. Slow down the car, don't drink, etc. You need an obsessive hobby. SOmething extremely time consuming. Got any casinos nearby? Hit the penny/nickel slots and go nuts. Or take up voodoo. Or geneaology. Haha- uh-oh, this stuff is starting to sound a little nuts huh? Really- penny slot machines- very distracting.
KittenMoon Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Christ almighty I really wish I didn't know what you're talking about but I could have written this post myself. I'm so sorry you're in this hell Alchemist. Really man, I am so very sorry. Oh dear. We need a "Chicks in Hell" club. Alchy, Chinook, myself- and where's 2020 and fabulousgirl? Descent into madness....
scrybe74 Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 (shake shake) get a hold of yourself! Whew....glad that's over... San Diego? I don't know where you live but that's like a 3 hour drive from LA....you must have driving for awhile. I don't know the story behind it all but you're gonna be alright. When you run out of little busy things to do (like ...oh...say....drinking/anime/internet) maybe you should focus on a project that will take awhile (learn to play the guitar ((I've done that....still learning but it settles me)) take a class (great way to make new friends) start running everyday (amazing how it clears your head and heart). Another option (extreme) is to get a second (or first) job just to keep yourself busy for a few months. (another way to meet cool people) I became a waiter once - it lasted for about 8 months or so but it was really fun. Hard work but I met a lot of nice people and had a great time. Just some suggestions.... Now....on to other important matters.... I've watched a grip of Anime the last few weeks (my gf and kids are out of town for a few weeks) and I'm getting frustrated with some of the crap I'm getting. Any suggestions or recommendations?
Chinook Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I became a waiter once - it lasted for about 8 months or so but it was really fun. Hard work but I met a lot of nice people and had a great time. I think I've just found my solution. I'm going to apply for a bar job in the evening. I'm strapped for cash and lonely. I work during the day, second job... feckit. Who cares. Great idea (Oh and A isn't running anywhere at the moment... not without a Doc's say so)
scrybe74 Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Sounds like a good idea. Let us know how it works out. I could imagine it would be fun. And you'd have extra money to spoil yourself with. A' needs a doctors note to go running??? (dazed and confused) oookaaaay.. .... I must be missing something here.
KittenMoon Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 A' needs a doctors note to go running??? (dazed and confused) oookaaaay.. .... I must be missing something here. She has a bad heart condition... to top off all the other stuff.
scrybe74 Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 She has a bad heart condition... to top off all the other stuff. Ooops....sorry. I didn't know. Well A'....no running for you. But guitar maybe? (acoustic).....just a thought.
KittenMoon Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I swear- writing class! My class and now my group has got me writing again- I'm a couple chapters into my novel now! Besides my friends, its probably the biggest thing working to distract me... it even does occassionaly.
amaysngrace Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I'm sorry Alchy. I don't know about you but if I were in your predicament, I'd go do something I've always wanted to do. Sell what you can, take the cash, pack a bag, and GO. XO
Chinook Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I swear- writing class! My class and now my group has got me writing again- I'm a couple chapters into my novel now! Besides my friends, its probably the biggest thing working to distract me... it even does occassionaly. You're not going to believe this, I have a novel that I shelved years ago. I may just take that down and dust it off. Keep these ideas coming. (and I'm really going to bed now, night you guys!)
Author the_alchemyst Posted July 22, 2006 Author Posted July 22, 2006 Thanks guys! Oh, I'm not drinking alcohol. I can't buy any yet, which I think is a good thing, or else I'd be dead drunk 24/7. I just go to buy slurpies. Yeah, I know, I know: Err . . . But you're right. I do have to slow down. Driving like mad like that helps a bit, though. Makes me feel like one with the wind. Those are some crazy suggestions, Kitten! Not old enough for the casinos, though. Poo. But Voodoo sounds good. In fact, I already know who to use as my guinea pig. Thanks for the idea! Sigh. I've tried writing, but most of whatever I try to write quickly turns into emo garbage. Maybe I should just jump off the roof and hit my head hard enough so that I can pass out for at least an hour. Yea, that should calm me down. Or at least break my foot so that I can't drive anymore. Thanks for the suggestions, scrybe! But as the ladies already pointed out, I can't really do anything that requires much physical activity cause then I start staring at death in the face. Waitressing sounds cool, though. Do I have to have balance, though? Cause I suck. Anime: Omg. I know loads. What kind of genre do you like? Currently I'm watching Sailormoon cause I'm a dummy like that.
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I'm uberly anxious again. Argh! I hate this feeling. I had been okay for the past week or so. Sure, I constantly kept thinking about him, but I managed to read enough books, play enough videogames, and watch enough anime to at least keep myself busy. Oh, and not to forget mentioning being on the internet 24/7. I was okay, more or less. But for these past 2 days or so . . . OMFG. I keep having dreams about him and I HATE that because I feel all shi*** when I awaken. I'm also finding myself constantly looking at my phone because I know he's not going to call, but I guess I just want to hurt myself by asserting what I already know. I've driven by his house once or twice in the middle of the night because lately I just CANNOT sleep! So I take my car and drive past there, only to see his car not there--he's probably out partying. I guess I just want to see that he's not there so I can come home and resume my tear-fest. And I just can't stay still. I'm constantly running out of this dinky studio to the liquor store to buy whatever. Either that or I just hop on the freeway, with no direction whatsoever, roll down the windows, blast the music so that my ears hurt, and speed off like a maniac, wasting money I hardly have enough of on gas for no good reason. For the past few nights I have ended up in LA and San Diego. Ok. WTF. I got lost last night because I'm not all that good with the freeways, and there are just so many of them around here. Why am I in San Diego? And I go way too fast on the freeway--think over 100. Sigh. Sometimes I'll be listening to some stupid bastard song and I'll start crying as I'm driving. And then I'll forget to take my medicine. And then I'll tell myself that I don't care about the stupid medicine. And then I'll do stupid things like I did last night--I tossed the bottle of pills on the road and now I don't have any anymore. More waste of money. Oh, and then I want to tell my parents that they suck. Self-absorbed mongrels, they are. I'm all dying and they are "too busy" with their own dramatics to pay attention. Sometimes I wish I had brain failure instead of heart failure so that these endlessly streaming thoughts could just STOP. Jesus. I feel so unhappy. hunni you need to get yourself out of that house...no matter what the reason or where it takes you...a holiday, stay with a relative...doesnt matter if they're not close...think of yourself..., a job even if its one night a week, a hobby, a pet?....just something to focus on that'll bring you happiness. I'm so sorry to hear about the heart failiure hun *hugs*
KittenMoon Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Not old enough for the casinos, though. Poo. Damn. I'm telling ya- NY state- casinos- 18& older. Yay native americans! Sigh. I've tried writing, but most of whatever I try to write quickly turns into emo garbage. Write about a guy who leaves a girl that's seriously ill. Publish it. Become famous. Make him feel like sh*t for the rest of his life... Maybe I should just jump off the roof and hit my head hard enough so that I can pass out for at least an hour. I already did this. They made me get a CAT scan. Didn't knock the ex out of my head either. Currently I'm watching Sailormoon cause I'm a dummy like that. Omg, LOVED Sailor Moon back when I was 14 or so. The early one where Nephrite dies? Cried...every..time! Now I look back and I'm like.... all those little girls and those older guys.... :sick: Haha.
Teacher's Pet Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Hey A... I know how you feel about the dreams. Last night I had a dream which really wasn't about my ex, but it was more about losing things close to me...missing chances on things....... I woke up about 5am almost crying.... I'm a mess, too. About a week or so ago, my mother actually wanted to give me money so I could spend a weekend by myself in Atlantic City....... I couldn't believe she actually offered something like that, but I refused. I just wasn't in a "travelling" mood (it's about a 2 hour drive for me.) I know you are hurting, but please...don't do anything destructive.... who else would I go to see Slayer with if something happened to you?!?!?!?!?!? I haven't slept well in weeks. I fall asleep at my desk like twice a day. My depression is really starting to effect my whole life now, and I HAVE to stop it. I'm forcing myself to pursue my hobbies more (working out, playing music, writing comedy), and even let my friend (female) convince me to let her and her girlfriends take me out for my birthday on Sunday night. Me with a bunch of chicks. This should be pathetic! I guess the key is to always create something to look forward to. I'm switching jobs soon, going into my old profession (bartending), something I'm GREAT at and always made lots of money and had LOTS of fun..... I'm even answering personal ads on the internet... who knows....maybe I'll find someone to help me erase...what's her name..... :) Hang in there, sweetie. I'm pullin' for ya. PM me if you need to talk, ok? -tp
Author the_alchemyst Posted July 22, 2006 Author Posted July 22, 2006 Damn. I'm telling ya- NY state- casinos- 18& older. Yay native americans! Dammit. I always get jipped. And now I think I picked the wrong state the visit. Oh jesus. Sigh. Write about a guy who leaves a girl that's seriously ill. Publish it. Become famous. Make him feel like sh*t for the rest of his life... I'm sure my crappy life (at the moment) is good material for a novel. Maybe I should. Maybe I should use his real name too. And include a picture. Yeah, that sonofabi... Not a bad idea, actually. I already did this. They made me get a CAT scan. Didn't knock the ex out of my head either. It didn't? Blah. Maybe I should go for two floors. Wait. Maybe not. Omg, LOVED Sailor Moon back when I was 14 or so. The early one where Nephrite dies? Cried...every..time! Now I look back and I'm like.... all those little girls and those older guys.... :sick: Aw, I still love it. I'm a sucker for it. I used to be Sailor Mars, you know. And hey! Nothing wrong with older guys. Not grandpaw old, though. Too limp. I've always wanted to date an older guy, actually. Maybe Tuxedo Mask. Oooh.
KittenMoon Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Aw, I still love it. I'm a sucker for it. I used to be Sailor Mars, you know. Me and my friend had our own made up names. I was Sailor IceFire, she was Sailor Angel.... we really needed boyfriends back then:lmao: :lmao:
Teacher's Pet Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I used to love Sailor Moon! If you look close, you could see panties! Ugh... I need a girlfriend. lol
alphamale Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Me and my friend had our own made up names. I was Sailor IceFire, she was Sailor Angel.... we really needed boyfriends back then ...apparently so . Did you guys have pet-names for your vibrators? "Sailor Angel, meet my new friend Slick Willie!"
KittenMoon Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 ...apparently so . Did you guys have pet-names for your vibrators? "Sailor Angel, meet my new friend Slick Willie!" Not giving you any spank material, alpha..... you'll have to use your imagination.
scrybe74 Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Thanks guys! Oh, I'm not drinking alcohol. I can't buy any yet, which I think is a good thing, or else I'd be dead drunk 24/7. I just go to buy slurpies. Yeah, I know, I know: Err . . . But you're right. I do have to slow down. Driving like mad like that helps a bit, though. Makes me feel like one with the wind. Those are some crazy suggestions, Kitten! Not old enough for the casinos, though. Poo. But Voodoo sounds good. In fact, I already know who to use as my guinea pig. Thanks for the idea! Sigh. I've tried writing, but most of whatever I try to write quickly turns into emo garbage. Maybe I should just jump off the roof and hit my head hard enough so that I can pass out for at least an hour. Yea, that should calm me down. Or at least break my foot so that I can't drive anymore. Thanks for the suggestions, scrybe! But as the ladies already pointed out, I can't really do anything that requires much physical activity cause then I start staring at death in the face. Waitressing sounds cool, though. Do I have to have balance, though? Cause I suck. Anime: Omg. I know loads. What kind of genre do you like? Currently I'm watching Sailormoon cause I'm a dummy like that. RE: Anime....well....lemme see.....I dig samurai stuff (samurai x, samurai champloo) i like quirky stuff too (ranma 1/2 etc.) I really love anything with a little action, love story and drama mixed in (a little humor too) like Now and Then, Here and There (highly....highly recommended). I'm currently looking for a good story with a female lead. If she's kick-ass then awesome. Not much into the cutesy stuff though. I try and stomach it but it always makes me feel like a 13 y/o girl..... Anyway....what the last Anime that really knocked you socks off? (Mine was Here and There..../Samurai Champloo)
AriaIncognito Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Oh dear. We need a "Chicks in Hell" club. Alchy, Chinook, myself- and where's 2020 and fabulousgirl? Descent into madness.... Can I get in on that list? :-) Men suck LOL Jennifer
KittenMoon Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Can I get in on that list? :-) Men suck LOL Jennifer You're in! P.S. Regarding Anime: Cowboy Bebop is very awesome
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