Guest Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Hey, i have been going out with my girlfriend for 9 months now and there has been nothing but problems this last month. The reason it really all started was becasue her paretns found her birth control and said we werent allowed to see eachother anymore. After that we both just started sneeking out at night and whenever they werent around. And we would see eachother almost every day but just for an hour or two at a time. When we first started this month, we agreed to stop having sex for a while casue that was what put us in that situation. One night we came close to having sex but stopped ourselves in time. the next morning she told me that she wasnt sure what she felt anymore. She didnt know if she loved me and didnt know what to do. We decided that we would keep it a friendly relationship for a bit and then maybe it will start getting romantic again. After this we decided to have sex again, but just leave feelings out of it. Today after we had sex. she enjoyed it, but now she told me that the spark is all gone. that she isnt excited anymore when she sees me or anything. She asked if i would be ok with an open relationship and i said that it wasnt a good idea. i cant put myself into a position where either of us are trying to stay together while fooling around wiht others. I told her that and it just started a fight and wasnt helpfull at all. I still love her now and want so much to be loved by her again, but i dont know if she ever will want me back or if i should bother trying. She tells me she still loves me and cares for me, but she still has no spark for me. I wrote a letter to her parents asking to be allowed to see her again, hopefully that will work, but even if it does, it wont fix our spark problem. What should i do. do we stay together and hope for the best, do i let her see other guys and just not care, or do i do the hardest thing possible and let her go so she can be happy again however she wants. thx for helping out, im just so overwhelmed with this situation.
magichands Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 After this we decided to have sex again, but just leave feelings out of it. Great idea! So... was it like a game of chess?! Whose idea was that??!! She tells me she still loves me and cares for me, but she still has no spark for me. Sounds like you are a friend. Nothing wrong with that - but you clearly want more. I wrote a letter to her parents asking to be allowed to see her again, hopefully that will work, but even if it does, it wont fix our spark problem. It's her spark problem, really, isn't it? It's all very well writing a letter to her parents - but you have already been going behind their back!! I think you just need to give her some time out to think things over. It doesn't sound like she's burning with a lover's passion. And I really don't think there is anything you can do about it.
Keith1234 Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 it was her idea to start having sex again. i dont think it really changed anything doing it. we never had a problem with it. right now i do feel like i am a friend but ur right i do want more than that. i know she still loves me tho. we talked some more. but she wants to have this open relationship still. and i dont see how she could want to go have sex with another guy. She says its so she can get hte spark back for me. Does this make any sense?
magichands Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 it was her idea to start having sex again. I meant, the leaving your feelings out of it bit. Whose idea was that? and i dont see how she could want to go have sex with another guy. She says its so she can get hte spark back for me. Does this make any sense? Makes perfect sense to me... NOT!!!! That statement is to keep you hanging on while she goes off and has some fun.
Keith1234 Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 she wanted to leave out feelings. and yea thats exactally what it seems like to me. she jsut wants to screw around and leave me at home to come back to. what do i do.
seamaid Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 My guy and I have been together for 9 months too and though we've had many ups and downs, we're still as strong as ever, if not stronger. Your girlfriend may be bored and tired of the stress of sneaking around. I know I had gotten pretty fed up with staying at my bf's place all night after work only to drag my butt home at midnight so I would make my curfew. I started resenting him for having it easier, and for things like personality differences, but each time I caused a fight about it and nearly broke up with him, I always came running back because ultimately, he made me happier than anything. Plus, I am shy and do not want to look for a new guy and start all over again. I'm not likely to chase after temptation. I consider myself really lucky to have someone like him, even if he isn't "perfect". I do love him, and his patience, support, maturity, and adoration of me ensures that I never fall out of love with him. Point is, my guy always comes first, and I respect him too much to think seriously about other men while in a relationship with him. If she's suggested having an open relationship, it means she wants something to change and she's almost given up on it happening with you. Try to have a calm, unemotional discussion with her about what she wants. Does she want excitement? Does she want less stress? Does she want someone she can really talk to and click with? Does she want to be single again? Maybe you can provide it for her, or maybe you can't. A relationship should be balanced and both parties should feel satisfied for it to work. Hopefully, you two can find a middle ground of shared goals and desires and work it out.
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