Deeko Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Okay, this is my first post, so let me introduce myself. My name is Randee and I'm 21 years old. ]I've always had a problem where I think of things and think so deeply about things that often times, my mind starts believing them and I have to just think about things from every aspect until it decides to leave my mind because I get sick of dwelling. Since I was born, I've been a worrier and it's nothing new. I get an idea in my head and obsess. I have been with my current boyfriend, Jeremy, for what is going on a year come September. I have been a very happy camper and he seriously is the greatest guy I have ever and probably will ever meet. This is the longest relationship I have ever been in, and while I pray to God everynight that this will last, about 2 days ago now, I have become very depressed about us. I'm insecure, I admit it. I have often wondered if he'll give me the "lets just be friends" speil and while I don't think he would, it's hard because that's how my last relationship ended. I'm always afraid he is going to break up with me and it's terrible. It's like I keep preparing myself for the worst all the time and that's just how I am. I've always been very happy about him though and the thought of him brings a smile to my face and makes the day better. Two days ago while at his house, he was talking about the future and it didn't sound like I was part of it by a few things he said. Automatically, it's like my switches went off and it's like my mind just gave into my doubts. There is a huge wall put up, and I don't understand how my feelings could just CHANGE like that if it was my actual feelings or my fear. I'm praying that this is just a stupid phase and just a dumb idea that will pass because I don't want to be without him! I think I may have subconciously after all this time distanced myself and for my own sake, am trying not to be so attached. He has never given me reason to be this way though and that's what scares me. I don't believe things change overnight, but like I said, when I get something in my head, I have to dwell on it until it is no longer there. More than anything, I wish I could go back to how I felt a few days ago when I was happy and hopeful about us. Lastnight I woke up several times having panic attacks and I keep crying. I feel really guilty for him that I'm even having these thoughts. Like I said though, hopefully sooner rather than later, it'll pass and things will go back to normal. I hate my brain! If anyone has any positive advice, I'd very much appreciate it!
Guest Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I have the exact same problem as you. I love my boyfriend with all my heart, we've been together 7 months and its my first serious relationship but not his. He recently planned to go away for christmas but he didn't mention me in his plans at all, which made me think weather he was serious about us. If i have any thoughts in my mind, i think of them over and over until things or feelings are sorted. I can't help thinking that he will leave me. We are going on holiday in August and part of my mind thinks he will dump me after this, and that thought is constantly in my head and will be until i know the answer. The only advice i can give you, is too relax! I know its easier said and done, but crying will just make things worse, believe me i have been there done that. If your still having doubts about your boyfriend, then sit down with him and talk about whats worrying you, then maybe your mind will be put at ease. Sorry if my advice isn't very helpfull, but i know what your going through x
Author Deeko Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 Wow- it's really nice to know I'm not the only one and reading what you had to say, it sounded like something I'd say! I had the hardest weekend, questioning myself on if I loved him or not and I came to a simple conclusion: If I was so distressed about how I was feeling, I did love him or I wouldn't even care enough to worry like I was! Lastnight I had a breakdown and it really just got to me. I'd look at him and "feel nothing" and all this other negative stuff, which I don't care to relive. I called my mom from his house and started crying to mom. She told me I needed to talk to him because I couldn't go on with this because it was tearing me up and it wasn't healthy. I told her exactly when I started feeling this way and she told me it was because I was scared. The feeling all came about when I had this realization last week that I'm always with him and I just thought "now what? What happens from here?" I think that thought scared me because it felt like we were at the end of the road. Mom told me she felt the exact same way when she married my dad and that things do get better and only better and that feeling will go away. I went and talked to him, and of course was crying like you wouldn't believe. I told him what was wrong and how I was afraid we would get bored with eachother and he told me he loved me and that wouldn't happen and this and that and after my crying and talking, I did feel somewhat better. I told him how I got scared and put up a wall and he told me to not worry about something that isn't there, but worry about other things, bigger things and that I shouldn't be worrying about us if we weren't having any problems, but to rather worry about us when we did have problems. I eventually calmed down and felt really good, but of course, that gloom is still hanging over me. Maybe I just don't have enough to occupy my mind. Maybe I just keep pushing him away so I don't have to deal with hurt. Whatever it is, I pray it will go away and it just scares me that I ever had these thoughts in the first place and I think more than anything, I dwell on what I was thinking and for that, I can't move forward. I hope things for you and your boyfriend work out, and if you ever need to talk, I'll be here to listen. It sounds like we are in the same boat.
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I thought I was the only crazy one out there. I make assumptions and instead of knowing the truth, I make it up out of belief that what I make up is true. I than begin to worry constantly about what if that happend, what if so and so did this . We all do it. You have to calm your self down when thinking these thoughts, rather than thinking you know. When I acted in this way it only caused my now ex to get extremely mad and ingore me for a while. I came off as crazy I guess? Calm down its normal and its its a sign of insecurity, majorly. Have some confidence in your self. What is making you so insecure? people or your self?
Author Deeko Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 I guess it's a girl thing to just get so insecure we can't take it. It's nice to know I'm not the only psycho
Guest Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Hi again! After a lot of crying about my boyfriend, my mum phoned him, which upset me even more because she interferred in our relationship! She asked him if he was serious about me. It annoyed me a lot because now my boyfriend feels he can't come to my house any more because of my mum. Things have calmed down, and i've got the reassurance that he loves me, as he told me so So hopefully things are on the up, and on holiday we are sure to sort things out for sure. Take care x
Author Deeko Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 That's funny your mom called him! My mom wanted to talk to Jeremy lastnight as well! I told her I could do it and she really was wanting to talk to him and tell him what I've been going through but I wouldn't allow it. Ahh! I hope your vacation with him goes well. It's funny because while Jeremy and I were still dating, we went on vacation to Disneyland and I didn't know if we were "official" or anything just yet at that point. We had only been seeing eachother for a little over a month, and he came along with my sister and I. Ah, very confusing, but maybe I'm just the one who makes things more confusing with my corrupt way of thinking.
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I guess it's a girl thing to just get so insecure we can't take it. It's nice to know I'm not the only psycho I think it is a girl thing. haha have you seen the previews for " My super ex girlfriend" When the girl slammed the glas window just reminded me of how crazy girls can be. Guys bring out this side of us in relationships. Sides when I feel like I could have took a bat to his car and set his house on fire. Not really the norm. lol
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