Brittanyjean06 Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I sometimes feel if my ex would talk to me or tell me how happy he is, I could let go of things. I haven't spoke to him in a year ( his choice ) . But I feel all nc is doing is putting all these questions in my head? I meen I guess It'c commen sense to know that he is happy and he probaly won't come back. Not that I would ever get back together with him. I guess I want that ego boost of things not going well for him and his girlfriend. Even though the only love he has for her is control. I meen It's not like I am doing the Nc, he is. Will time still heal all wounds even if there is that " what if " stuck in my head Don't you ever feel like Nc is just going to put all these wrong assumptions in your head causing false hope?
2020vision Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 IMO, you have to almost control your thoughts during NC. Its pretty much necessary to get these self destructive thoughts out of your head. And, as you pointed out, I don't think you need to hear it straight from the horse's mouth that he is happy with his new g/f... I guess I want that ego boost of things not going well for him and his girlfriend. Even though the only love he has for her is control. I know exactly what this feels like. But, this is not caused by NC and it will not solve anything to break NC....this is something that you have to get out of your head. You are devoting way too much time/thoughts to this guy if you are still thinking like this. He is not thinking of you in this way,if at all, so I would suggest that you really concentrate on letting the whole thing go. With my experience, YOU have to let the relationship go before NC can really work. Its up to make it work for you, its not easy. -2020
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 True! But he could be!!!!!!! I'm jk. I will just read your qoute over and over again and put in verbaly abusive. I love oprah I guess with Nc you have to put in alot of effort inorder for the Nc to become a good thing.
trebon Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Ive been having on and off weeks of no contact (her choice) and I've found that it only began to help me if i took it as final and began to slowly pack up my emotional baggage in my time. The evil thoughts will tear you up for a while but one day you will manage to see past them and the time that Nc gives you to do that is the blessing. take care.
Guest Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Here's a question Brit..(and for my own curiousity) What if a friend of yours spoke with him. What would make you happier to hear? A) He is still with the new girlfriend and going on a year with her OR B) They are no longer together.
fireflywy Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I just wish that someday she would speak to me again. I feel that if she did, as bad as it sounds, that it would be a bit of a validation to me. If she spoke to me, it would mean that she didn't truly believe all of the these things she labelled me with. I know better and it should be sufficient for me, I know, but its still painful to me. At the same time, I'm also scared to speak her because I don't know what she would say to me. So I don't... Enough of my weirdness today...
Moai Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 NC is only difficult if there are residual feelings. That's why it is tough at first and then gets easier. And easier. My sister swears by "Fading Fast" by the Go-Go's. She says when she feels like breaking NC she listens to that, and the feeling goes away. It's a good song either way.
2020vision Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I will just read your qoute over and over again and put in verbaly abusive. I love oprah I don't always like Oprah, but a friend introduced me to this quote . And I did the same thing I put in "verbally" as well. I guess with Nc you have to put in alot of effort inorder for the Nc to become a good thing. Exactly. While it is beneficial if you just don't talk to your ex, you still have a lot of thinking to do in order to get to full recovery.
In Sync Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 NC is beneficial when rock hard effort is made to maintain it. It's detoxing. It's a radical relationship diet...sure you can stuff your face with chocolate cake, diritos, pepsi and crap day after day but after you decide to quit taking in all that junk because its no good for you...look how difficult is it to maintain that diet and remove that junk from your temptation. So you can break the diet by taking a tiny slice of cake or eatting that one chip....and before you know you're back with those extra pounds and you wonder why I can't I get slim? These ex's were the junk food of our lives.
bendit Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Brittnay, I think 2020 hit it on the nose. You have to let go. You have to meet NC halfway. And you are still holding out hope even after a year. Yes its true that you haven't spoken to him in a year, but contact is more than just speaking to him. I recall that you had quite a setback a few weeks ago when you did some Internet spying and it hurt you. Now how much contact have you been allowing over the last year? ALL contact. Brittnay, its not NC that's the problem here. Its CONTACT. The people that have really really been NC and healed, are here SUPPORTING and helping and GIVING. NC healed them! It is a miracle cure. Unfortunately, its the medicine that NOBODY wants to swallow. Brittney, let go and heal! regards
LaraV Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 It is a miracle cure. Unfortunately, its the medicine that NOBODY wants to swallow. regards This is SO true. Oh so painfully true. I was not aware of the difficulty until yesterday when more than anything I wanted to call my ex. I honestly had a panick attack, and not picking up that phone was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Hell, I can't even erase him from my phone yet! The cure, I'm sure, will set us free, but oh how excruciatingly painful it is to take it.
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 It is really difficult to take in! and to go through this process. But we all have to go through it. Thanks for the advice, I always end up posting a thread about once a month for advice. The hope that is out there is knowing I will get over this, yes of course I'll get through it but there are those what if I don't get over this. Might take another year or another year after that But It's all worth it isn't it Yes I did have set backs, but I allowed myself those set backs which I shoulden't have. I really am trying. Thanks everyone:)
Yamaha Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I think it might be time to start going out with others as it sometimes is hard to forget an ex until you find someone you like even better. NC is a good tool to help you cope but being involved with other things and seeing others when the time is right is usually the best remedy. I am not telling you to jump back in the dating Frey but at some point you need to start on with your life and dating and having fun is a good way to begin.
KittenMoon Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Brit- I still maintain this isn't totally about your ex. You're getting over an entire difficult stage of your life where you did things you've since realized weren't good for you. Including taking his sh*t. Maybe you can try to tell yourself it's not just about HIM- he was just an itty bitty piece of it, the lousy piece that you couldn't control because he was another person. Anyways... still waiting for you to be on here talking about your new beau....
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 I guess its not just him. But just my past that is hurting me? that he contributed to. haha that would be the day, for me to come here asking for more advice on my new beu can't wait Thanks:)
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