LaraV Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 One day up, one day down. A few hours up, a few hours down. It amazes me how I can go through the entire stages of grief in one day. Be fine in the morning and be in shambles by the time I go to bed. Yesterday, for the first time since the break up over a month ago I got that anxiety-ridden urge to just call him and say hi, and just be able to hear his voice. I wanted to run the two blocks' distance to his office and just show up and ... and then what, I thought? What possible good would come of it. But the urge was so overwhelming. I didn't know what else to do so I spent half an hour in the bathroom at work crying. I hate seeing myself like this. I am so independent and strong and lately I'm just this puddle of pity and misery. And I feel so bad when I get irritated with my family or friends for trying so hard to help me. But I just can't help it. They remind me that it's not a reflection on me, and I know it, but break-ups ARE personal. They are incredibly personal. It's not the world he broke up with, it's ME. I was not the one for him. Someone else will, but not me. And I hate it. I hate that. I hate that such a decision was imposed on me. But I understand him, and I know I have to respect his wishes. If he had to go, then he had to go. But I just feel so miserable. And I also hate the fact that I have to see him one more year for grad school. How do you face someone that's rejected you? I wish I could just be invisible. I want to just hide under a rock, but I can't. But I am so terrified. I just wish I never had to see him again, even if it kills me to just think about it. Sorry, guys, I just need to vent...
2020vision Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I know how you feel. Unfortunatley, almost everyone here on LS has been rejected at some point, so don't feel alone! I happen to know the feeling quite well, it was hard for me to accept the fact that I was not "the one" for my ex. Especially when he would tell me I was. You have nailed the idea though, when you get dumped its a huge blow to our ego and thats probably the hardest part to deal with. As your family and friends have pointed out to you I'm sure; just because you were not the right match for him, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, remember that. I wanted to run the two blocks' distance to his office and just show up and ... and then what, I thought? What possible good would come of it. But the urge was so overwhelming. I didn't know what else to do so I spent half an hour in the bathroom at work crying. I hate seeing myself like this. I am so independent and strong and lately I'm just this puddle of pity and misery. Congratulations for realizing that it will not do you any good to see him or talk to him, and sticking with NC. I am sorry that you are feeling so low, but it seems that you have a good head on your shoulders and will be over this sooner than you think. Just know that there is someone out there who will truley love you and think of you as "the one". Hang in there! Best Wishes, 2020
trebon Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 You are a strong person and it WILL work itself out - I personally promise that you will be over this faster than you ever think you will be. The fact that you are able to stick to NC is fantastic and will be key. I am still running back and opening wounds - but im a glutton for punishment! Your are lucky to have a great support base in your family, they will understand if you vent at them or just loose it - they can see you hurt badly and they will be there even if you are short with them. Much better than any other relationship support wise, even if they dont give you the words you want to hear every time. There are good people out there and you will find your one in the end. In the meantime make the most of your friends and family. It does get better! Good luck
Author LaraV Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 You are a strong person and it WILL work itself out - I personally promise that you will be over this faster than you ever think you will be. The fact that you are able to stick to NC is fantastic and will be key. I am still running back and opening wounds - but im a glutton for punishment! Your are lucky to have a great support base in your family, they will understand if you vent at them or just loose it - they can see you hurt badly and they will be there even if you are short with them. Much better than any other relationship support wise, even if they dont give you the words you want to hear every time. There are good people out there and you will find your one in the end. In the meantime make the most of your friends and family. It does get better! Good luck Thanks, Trebon. I can't wait 'til I get there. Though I know I have a looooong way to go before then. It's only been a few weeks, and I have all of next year in grad school to see him around. And that's going to be a b*tch.
trebon Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I dont know if it'l help, but I made myself 2 cds - One for helping me fight the temptation to break NC and one for wallowing and sobbing my heart out. Both are useful in thier own times and places. It may help, may not, I just thought Id put it out there for you! I feel a real similarity between our situations so please keep me posted and i'l try and help you as much as I can!
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