confused423 Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 We my gf and i broke up. But instead of feeling sad i was overjoyed. It was almost as though i liked her friends and familiy more than i did her. I consider myself a nice guy and girls always find away to bring me home. but the problem is that when things turn for the worst i usually feel like i cant get out of the relationship because ive become so aquainted with her life. It seems like every break up ive been through i always feel this sence of freedom, like whichever woman im with always has this power over me. Theres got to be something im missing i keep choosing the type of women that never works out and when the next one comes along i have no idea what id be looking for as a warning sign. And another thing, its been quite a few relationships in for me, and im tired of the flings, ive never been able to hold a relationship for longer than six months, and the three that have made it were ruined because they were long distance. Im more than reluctant now to go into another relationship if i dont think i can make it past 6 months... one more thing, how do you get over feeling that youve worked so hard to make things work that now when your forced to move on, you dont want to because its pointless to open yourself again if it wont end well... its only been a week since my relationship ended, so i might be a bit negative but thats how i feel... any help advice critisism would greatly be appreciated.
Chinook Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Woah! We're not here to criticise you! Firstly, might you have just jumped from relationship to relationship without really taking stock of what you want from them...? Secondly, long distance relationships are usually problematic without the complete 100% commitment from each partner. As far as I know (from the few friends who have done this anyway) when a relationship starts with the distance already present, it doesn't work out. If it starts and one partner has to move, it has a better chance of working out as long as the move or distance is temporary I think. LDR as a way of life I don't think suits alot of people. Some people get along fine with it and for long periods of time. But some people find it frustrating and hard and it puts an unhelpful strain on the relationship. Thirdly, think about the sense of relief you feel at the relationships ending. What is it exactly that you're relieved about...? What issues were dragging you down..? In my experience what happens when we feel this sense of relief is that we too wanted the relationship to end but in fact weren't willing to be the one who took the responsibility. What happens in this scenario then is that each individual retreats and the situation becomes intolerable until the point where one of the partner's takes action and ends it.... leaving the other partner relieved that it's over. Think about this because it may be that you're going into relationships too quickly without really getting to know the person first and you're giving your commitment before you really know what you want from that person. HTH
dominsane Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 The thing is, you're probably so concentrated on trying to make your relationship last, that you've become stressed, so when it's over, you're relieved that you don't have to concentrate most of your time on the relationship. First, you should be looking for someone you like, when you lose interest in the person, and like her family and friends more than you like her, you know something's wrong. My opinion is that you're just trying to take a relationship and make it last, without really getting to know the person. First things first, date. Many people. Find someone that you like and try it out with them. If it doesn't work out, don't feel bad. There's someone out there for everyone. You'll find your someone sooner or later. Just give it some time.
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