MendedWing Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 One of the ultimate questions is whether it is worth giving a person a second chance, sometimes 3rd, and 4th....I too have been asking myself the same question lately about my husband since he left me went and got another girlfriend, and now says he wants to leave her and come home. This is simply my perspective on a personal situation, This is how my parent's lives have unfolded. My mother was an alcoholic, and cheated on my father a couple of times throughout their marriage. It was definately a relationship with alot of problems. They went through at least 7 separations that I can think of, one of which was for a year, yet somehow they always managed to believe that their love was too deep to give up on, and got back together. They spent 20 years together, and then my father was to be stationed in Korea for a year (military man who was gone alot) without being able to take the family. Within a couple of months after he left my mother met another man (she has NEVER been able to handle being alone), and when my father got wind of it in Korea (I'm assuming from one of my siblings), he rushed home half way through his assignment in hopes of saving his marriage. He only had 2 weeks off, and then had to go back to Korea. The two weeks were fabulous. My parents spent every waking moment together, and the day before my father was to leave, feeling very confident that he had won her back, he asked her if she could promise him not to see the other guy again after he left. And, my mother, knowing herself entirely too well, could not make that promise to him. So, finally after 20 years of marriage, my father called it quits and filed for divorce. Fast forward now another 15 years. My mother spent 14 years with the man she was seeing at that time, completely faithful to him (because he never left her alone, she had no reason to look elsewhere), but he was older than her and passed away about 7 months ago. My father was remarried, had another child, and his wife has also since passed away. So, my mother decides to initiate contact with my father again after all these years...and like nothing had ever happened, they talked for hours and shared so many fond memories, cried over their lost love, and how they had wasted their lives not being together. They now live in different states and have no intent on making the move to get back together, but I do believe that they had a love of a lifetime, even with all the faults. My mother still crys her heart out over my father and my father still says, "if only she could have made me that promise". I do believe that even though my parents ultimately divorced and went their separate ways, that there is definately hope in sticking with your heart and giving 2nd chances. I think if circumstances were different now, my parents would have been back together again already. I don't want to be them in 20-30 years, all alone, and regretting that I didn't try hard enough with the one person who really mattered to me.
mariJane Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Gawd that was damn sweet, thanks for sharing, huh. yeah i wish my crush would read that. ****.
mariJane Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 huh it let me say damn but not f--- lol amen to your story though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MrPot Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 You have a point, but it's really unfortunate that your mother couldn't remain faithful. That's just not right. I think their separation was probably a good one and they really should be looking for other people right now. Your mother needs someone to be with her all the time and your father belongs with someone more free-spirited.
Author MendedWing Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 That's just the thing, my mom never had a problem being faithful as long as she wasn't left alone for long periods of time, and my dad is now retired and a homebody. They are two completely different kinds of people from who they were years ago, but I think they have become now what they always wanted and needed in eachother before. They are okay with the current situation, but I think that it just goes to show that when people question whether to take a person back, they usually ask themselves whether they want to be 50 or 60 years old and find out they wasted their entire lives with the wrong person...but just the same, I don't want to be 50 or 60 and regret not giving myself or the other person the chance to be with the RIGHT person. If you truly LOVE (with all your heart, like I do) then you should know whether the 2nd chance is the right thing to do or not. Can you picture your life without that person in it? Right now, it is everything I can do not to go with rope and a gag, and tie my husband up, throw him in the back of my car, and make him come home, because I KNOW that he belongs here with me. I can't even dream of living the next 20 years without him in my life. That's why I know that this separation is nothing more than a speedbump in our relationship, the affair with the new girlfriend is completely forgiveable to me, and think that it will ultimately make me a better wife to know what his breaking point is and what his needs are. My only need is him.
Guest Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 My older sisters husband cheated on her, she filed for divorce, but he begged her to take him back, and she was deeply in love with him, and said he was "the one". They slowly rebuilt their relationship back over the next year. Everybody truely believed that he was sorry, and regreted what he had done. He worked his butt of making it up to her, telling her that she was the only woman he wanted to be with. Well a few years down the road he cheated on here again, only this time she didn't find out right away. By the time she did find out he had already contracted HIV and transmitted it to her. It is absolutely foolish to take back a cheater. If you love someone, truely love them, then you wouldn't cheat on them to begin with. A cheater is only thinking about themselves, not their significant other. And I don't see how you can possilby think your mother loves your father. If you love someone you don't constantly cheat on them. I'm sure the only reason she wants your dad now is because he previous guy passed away. It has nothing to do with love. She is terrified of being alone. If your dad didn't show an intrest in her she would cling to another man claiming how much she "loves" him.
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