I thought wrong..and I feel like I'm lying to myself (I need some serious assistance)

[flickster42490]

man...I feel so down today...well, here's what happened...I met this girl, Francesca, about a month ago while I was invited to play with the pittsburgh youth symphony DC tour (I'm 16, live in DC area and she's 17 and lives in Pittsburgh area)...anyways, we struck up this great friendship in about three days...that's all we had...and i thought...something more as well...it turned out I was wrong...we were having this great email relationship (she's down at a music camp in NC, by the way) and in which she told me about a couple times that she missed me and that I was there with her...I was cautious at first and didn't send anything confessing the real way I felt about her...( she's basically my dream girl...think of renee zellwegger's character in Jerry McGuire...loyal, beautiful, and sweet) but after a while with the encouragement of my "advisor" friend, I sent her an email basically saying the following after she said that she wished I was there with her and afterwards asked me if that was painful to read. So, I replied:

"no it's not painful at all to read your letters and I wish I was there with you too. ; ) I know what you mean, about it being hard to explain. I wish you were here with me sometimes too. And don't be afraid to tell me anything, I'm always here..."

it's not bad is it? I mean, it's subtle...not to far out...but anyways, to get to the point, she basically said that it wasn't the meaning that I thought it was...I WAS DEVASTATED...truly...I let my heart out on a journey with that email and it turned out that it fell over a cliff or down a waterfall without any parachute... ...so i just basically denied everything...did that fairly well, and rambled on about everything...but now, I feel absolutely awful for the following reasons...1) The future for us looks as bright as a 25 watt light bulb 2) I feel like I totally f***ed up our very good and true friendship and finally, 3) I lied to her...but my feelings for her was a point where I loved her so much that anything that makes her happy, i would try my hardest to be happy about whatever she was happy about...or try to make her as happy as possible...so basically, I gritted my teeth and forced my hands to write this phony email back just rambling about stuff and denying everything...I feel so bad...any hope for our survival or mine at least???