violet_21 Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 My boyfriend of 4 years had an affair. I suspected it for a few months after increasing secrecy with his laptop and cellphone. I also found a strange photo on his camera of a girl sitting in our garage wearing his ugg boots in a short dress. I KNEW. He flipped out and denied it, saying it was his moms friend. Last night I finally broke into his hotmail account and caught him redhanded. Basically, he met a girl from an online service called plentyoffish, thru a profile which advertised for friends and was not sexualy overt. Somehow it became sexual and he had sex with her 3 or 4 times. He then realized it was a mistake and broke it off, and she became kind of nuts and started driving by the house etc. Shortly after I moved in, and watched as my bf lost 20 lbs, was constantly sick and short tempered. I just knew it. He was constantly afraid of me finding out, or her coming to the houes and confronting us. She didn't, but.. Ater I broke into the email I woke him up at 6 am, screaming my head off, smacking him with photos of her i printed from his email. He denied it again this time saying, i have never seen her before, etc, does he really think i am that stupid?? Well i told him that and a few hours later he admitted it to me, after I tried and tried to have him be honest. He said he was afraid of my reaction, was sorry, loved me and wants to start fresh. I admitted to him I joined eharmony and adultfriendfinder once or twice as an ego boost, having ppl reply to my photos etc. I however did not meet anyoen or cheat on him. So, he wants a fresh start. I was wondering if anyone has advice on how to deal with a situation like this. I want to move past it but I am shocked, upset, confused, dissapointed... feel like a fool. I love him but I am afraid it will happen again. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Outcast Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 So you're saying you took up with a guy who cheated on his wife with you and you're asking if you should trust him after he cheated on you? Ever hear 'if they'll do it with you they'll do it to you'?
Curmudgeon Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Ever hear 'if they'll do it with you they'll do it to you'? Methinks Milady has A serial cheater on her hands! Zounds! The rascal should bhe driven from the kingdom.
Author violet_21 Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 well thanks. that helped me soo much.
THX2000 Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 well thanks. that helped me soo much. It sucks that wasn't the response that you wanted to hear but sadly it sounds like the truth. If the guy cheated to be with you it really should come as no surprise that he will cheat on you. Kick his ass to the curb and find someone that will treat you right.
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 well thanks. that helped me soo much. I don't know what kind of advice you're looking for. The fact he cheated on his wife, after saying vows and making promises to her shows now who he is. He's done the exact same thing to you that he's done to his now ex-wife. Sadly, if you think he's worth it, if you love him enough and want to try again, INSIST he go to couples therapy with you and work on the relationship. I guess I don't see how you could trust him 100% after his past and his recent behaviour. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering if he'll cheat on you again? Take some time for yourself and decide what you want. Try to be objective and not just listen to your heart. Talk to your friends and family too. Good luck.
Outcast Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I'm sorry to sound harsh, but married men who cheat are no prizes because they've already broken promises they made to women they loved. As with anything else, once you've done it the first time, if you aren't truly bothered by what you've done, it's highly likely you'll do it again. Most of the women hanging on to their mm and hoping to end up with them would suffer the same fate should they get their wish, unfortunately.
quankanne Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 what should you do? Get into couples counselling, but be very aware that if you "won" him as a married man from an affair y'all had, his whole idea of relationship is already skewed, and it's not going to change just for you. No matter how much love he feels for you, he's got some fantasy in his head that because you cheated with him, it's okay if he snoops around on you while he's with you. From what you shared in your post, it sounds like you don't really trust him anyway. frankly, I'd run. Fast and far away.
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