dancehead Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I am sorry I would not normally post twice but I am having such a tough time. I think i should have posted this here anyway. Would you please follow this link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t93824/ for the full topic. But this is where i am right now: I really am in a mess. Right now I want to go round there and do some serious damage to that new man of hers. I just found out he moved in part time. I know shes cheated on him and I think I ought to tell him. (She will deny it plus he is so much of an gimp he will probably forgive her) This will be one way of ending the friendship I guess. I am sooo angry and hurt. I think you are all right i shouldn't have broken the NC because i can't shut off my feelings and be all happy and jolly about losing what we had and convert to 'friends'. Like oh happy days.... yeah right! I kept thinking that she and him wasn't that serious and everytime I find out stuff like this I have a shock, get hurt and feel insulted that the person moving in was not me. Like what was wrong with me?, she loves me or so she says. She says it was because I wasn't available but this guy was. She has given him, in a few months, more than I ever had from her in 5 years, this is the gut wrenching thing. How the hell can I forget this and be her friend? After all the love and years I gave that woman and effort I made, did she see it - no? She says I made hardly any effort to win her but this man did. Maybe I am just being stupid. I keep going through stages of acceptance of the situation and that fact this guy has taken my place and I'm ok visualising the future of the friendship how nice it would be to keep her friendship. And I'm ok with it. But when she tells me things that hurt eg about him, I can't handle it. Maybe in time I will adjust and accept it perhaps after I've moved on, but all I see now is anger and pain. Because I am contact with her I know exactly what shes doing and if he is with her or not. I won't make any contact with her while he is there i don't want her to use me as a pawn to make him jealous and I don't want him to be party to our chats, or for her to show him my texts. I just still can't believe she has done this to me. I know I you will advise no contact but shes such a friend minus all this and she doesn't want me to leave her, she needs my friendship too. its hard after so many years to let go of someone whom you are so close to, expecially more so when it feels like unfinished business, or the relationship that never really had the chance to have commitment then blossom and work and be happy, or fail and end in a normal way.. . not like this. I will be forever in limbo wondering if would have worked or not.And resentful that this guy got what I didn't. I so need to vent all this, thanks for reading this. Just a few words of wisdom may help me - anyone?
dominsane Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I'm no relationship expert, but I have some advice... You don't want to establish NC, right? Do you really love her, and do you want to be with her? You have to ask her if she wants to be with you or not. If she doesn't, and still wants you to be there for her, she has to put a stop to hurting you. You're still her friend, aren't you? People aren't supposed to hurt their friends. Also, you said that she gave more in a few months to this guy than she gave you in five years. Seriously, if she moved that fast with another guy, she's either extremely insecure, and really isn't over you, or she just didn't like you like you thought she did. If you don't want to take my advice, you don't need to. I really won't be offended. Just think about it.
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