Guest Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Men, if you're in a new relationship and very happy. How often do you think of your last g.f.? (esp. if she dumped you) If the girl you are with is much "better" for you, you are happy, but never received "closure" from your previous ex...and have had NC for a year.....how often would the EX cross your mind. (remember..you are in a new relationship(7months) and very happy.
fireflywy Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 How bad was the ex? How bad was the breakup? How long was the relationship? I figure that if I was the person dumped, I followed Loveshack advice, had no contact, healed, and had faith that what people said about "someday you'll find the right one and be happy and that my past relationship will be just a memory" then chances are I might still think about the ex. However, because I had found something better and more fulfilling in my life I wouldn't be pinning after the ex any longer or looking back with rose colored glasses and fond memories. I personally think that we look back on our ex's and think about them because we're either angry, lonely, or we miss them. We think about them during coping because we're angry at what they did or because we miss them and we're lonely. If a good relationship comes along that is better then the one we had before and we've had the chance to heal and truly move on, I probably wouldn't think about them in a romantic light or even much at all like I used to. I wouldn't be angry anymore (because i've accepted it's end and healed), I wouldn't be lonely (because I have someone wonderful in my life), and I wouldn't miss them (because I have something better.) I know that when someone new enters my life who was better to me than the ex, I didn't think about the ex as much and if I did, it was because I had thanked my lucky stars that I had found something better. (I hope I reach that point someday) On the reverse end of that, if I had dated someone who was a total jerk, I've thought about someone who I had a positive relationship with to give me perspective that I didn't deserve what I got in the current one, and that I could do better. (of course, the people I thought about during my darker times, were people who truly cared about me and who I didn't have a horrible ending with) Make any sense? That's just my opinion.
Poboy Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Men, if you're in a new relationship and very happy. How often do you think of your last g.f.? (esp. if she dumped you) If the girl you are with is much "better" for you, you are happy, but never received "closure" from your previous ex...and have had NC for a year.....how often would the EX cross your mind. (remember..you are in a new relationship(7months) and very happy. its a very general question and is dependent on the person & the earlier relationship on whether how strong the connection was for the conditions u have said , i would say - it should be Rare
blind_otter Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Obviously I am not a man. But I had to bite. I thought about one of my worst, most awful ex's that I hated the absolute MOST the other day. Then I was like, woah. Why am I thinking about HIM? I hate him. I hadn't really thought of him much, except when he called for months and months and months after we split up. I think you always remember people you spent a long time with. But if you're happy in your current relationship, usually you remember your ex fondly, but acknowledge that you are glad the relationship is over and you have moved on.
Guest Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 its a very general question and is dependent on the person & the earlier relationship on whether how strong the connection was They were on a "second chance". They dated over 6 yrs. ago, he left her (she was controlling, materialistic, snobby) He went for the 2nd chance because he said he "always wondered if he made a mistake" During the 2nd chance he did see that she changed those old ways for the most part, but had replaced them with worse traits....(lying, sneaking around hiding things from him) He found an email she wrote to her last b.f. in which she was saying some very unkind things about him in it...she also told her ex b.f. that she "missed him". She did not tell the current that she was in contact with the ex, or that she was unhappy with him etc...etc... They broke up. He became obsessed. (he claims because he had never been burnt like that before, had someone leave him...(she left him, he was willing to forgive her...but she chose ex b.f. #1) He has had NC for over a year. I think it's half by choice, but half because she wouldn't answer his call anyways...(due to him being obsessed in the end/said some harsh things to her) He said her "pride" would keep her from contacting him and/or taking his calls. But, he doesn't care to contact her and if she DID contact him , he would tell me right away. So, with this history (he had also said, that despite her snobbyness etc...they had a "strong connection" that he doesn't even understand...he "doesn't even understand" why he was sooooo devastated over their break-up when he sees full well what type of person she really is etc.... So....would you be thinking about this girl on a regular basis if you are in a really good/healthy relationship now?
Guest Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Obviously I am not a man. But I had to bite. I thought about one of my worst, most awful ex's that I hated the absolute MOST the other day. Then I was like, woah. Why am I thinking about HIM? I hate him. I hadn't really thought of him much, except when he called for months and months and months after we split up. I think you always remember people you spent a long time with. But if you're happy in your current relationship, usually you remember your ex fondly, but acknowledge that you are glad the relationship is over and you have moved on. Right. We all think about past relationships...in one way or another like you said, but I am curious about how often when IN a happy relationship. It must be ALOT less.....I am female so I only can speak for myself..I didn't know if it was different for men...... still not sure. hmm.....my instinct says, once they "find a replacement" especially on that is much better for them, they would not think about the ex hardly at all. I wonder also if there is a difference if the EX was more your Physical ideal.....than your current?
magichands Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Men, if you're in a new relationship and very happy. How often do you think of your last g.f.? Who?
a4a Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Who? That is correct if indeed you are well over them. I fondly think of my X's about the same way as the guy who collected my cash behind the counter when I got gas last night. No feelings.... they were just there. History.
norajane Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I wonder also if there is a difference if the EX was more your Physical ideal.....than your current? I'm a woman, so can't give you the male point of view...but I think guys are more likely to think of the exes whom they were really into but who dumped them or hurt them or cheated on them, and less likely to think of the exes that the guys dumped. Getting dumped has a longer-lasting impact on the ego. For me, I'm more likely to think of the exes I loved...the ones I was in a long term relationship with. The rest just kinda fade away. I don't think of them often, but when something reminds me.
Yamaha Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 That is correct if indeed you are well over them. I fondly think of my X's about the same way as the guy who collected my cash behind the counter when I got gas last night. No feelings.... they were just there. History. Love your new pic, a4a. What a women!!
In Sync Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Damn! Its hard for our egos to accept that eventually we become nothing more that a blip in our ex's mind...but the flip side is they too will eventually become a blip.
Moai Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 When I am not in a relationship I don't think of them at all. There are too many potential Gf's around to have time to think of them. When I am in a relationship I think of them just because my GF will ask, or we'll do something similar that reminds me of an event shared with an ex. But it is like thinking of a doll or an actress, I guess. No emotion attached to it whatsoever. That may be because I never loved any of them. At the time with a couple of them I thought I was in love, but now I know I wasn't. Looking back, I didn't really even like them very much. And I went out with one for five years. It's funny the emotional lies you can tell yourself,
In Sync Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 When I am not in a relationship I don't think of them at all. There are too many potential Gf's around to have time to think of them. When I am in a relationship I think of them just because my GF will ask, or we'll do something similar that reminds me of an event shared with an ex. But it is like thinking of a doll or an actress, I guess. No emotion attached to it whatsoever. That may be because I never loved any of them. At the time with a couple of them I thought I was in love, but now I know I wasn't. Looking back, I didn't really even like them very much. And I went out with one for five years. It's funny the emotional lies you can tell yourself, I'm framing this post for those occassions when I start foolishly wondering about the ex.....
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