Teacher's Pet Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 It's been 31 days since my breakup, and 25 days of NC.... I'm really, truly going out of my f'ing mind. Everyone I know has been pointing the exact reasons why she wasn't right for me, and they are 100% correct, but........ I just can't stop thinking about her. The fact that I missed seeing Bon Jovi the last 2 nights (not a big deal, really, it was the "togetherness" that mattered) really hurt. (We had tickets for both shows...I bought one pair for her birthday, she bought me for mine coming up....) I know she's been with at least one other person since breaking up with me, and just the thought of her being with another man really hurts, especially knowing her very sexual side. As wrong as it is, I truly feel like she's "cheating on me", in the sense that for some reason, I know one day she's going to come back. I know, I know, I'm holding on to nothing, but I know how her mind works. Eventually, she'll pick up the phone or text me and tell me she misses me. 90% wants to say "GO F*** YOURSELF" to her, but the other 10% of me truly loves her, and that's what is killing me. I'm really having a hard time functioning (sleeping, working, eating) through all of this, and even though I have some good days, the last couple of days have been so bad. I wish either A) She'd come back to me, we'd fix EVERYTHING and go on with our lives together, or B) I'd just stop hurting 100% and completely erase her from my mind, or C) Something will "click" in my mind and I'll realize I was wasting my time with her. Problem is, I don't see any of the above happening, no matter how hard I try...... I'm glad I found this place, and I hope I've been able to be strong (or appear to be) for the great people I've met on here, but honestly, I'm not doing so great for myself. I've had too much loss in my life to be able to really cope with losing someone I actually thought was "the ONE", something I've NEVER thought about any woman I've ever dated before........ Today is another day, another challenge. -tp
Tsiehta Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 That "click" happened for me recently, 6 weeks after breaking up. I still care about her, but I realize that it would never have lasted anyway. Plus, the anger toward her is finally coming out. Hang in there. It will happen for you too.
2020vision Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Something will "click" in my mind and I'll realize I was wasting my time with her. I would opt for this option if I were you. But, beware since there are no options that our hearts and minds really give us, you have to make these decisions happen. right now, you need to look at the facts and really let go. It has only been 31 days, and not even a months worth of NC (which is the only thing that really counts IMO.) A "click" just does not happen for most people, you have to want to get over this and stop thinking of the past. I know this is hard since we cannot control our thoughts, for the most part. But, no one said this was going to be easy, its up to you to make it count. If you were to take a look at some of my threads from when I first joined LS, it should be encouragement that you too can and WILL move on from this. I never thought I would, but I am well on my way to complete and total recovery. It is all very new to you right now, but it will slowly start to form in your mind that she is not coming back. It did not work out for a reason, there is someone out there for you who really is "The One". Best Wishes 2020
KittenMoon Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 A "click" just does not happen for most people, you have to want to get over this and stop thinking of the past. I know this is hard since we cannot control our thoughts, for the most part. But, no one said this was going to be easy, its up to you to make it count. Amen- I keep hoping for a click but it hasn't happened. It probably won't. It's a challenge every moment to try to keep control of your thoughts- let me tell you that I fail far more than I succeed. So I guess it comes down to time, time, time. Try to remember that.
bendit Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I would force yourself to confront reality. In this case, force yourself to comprehend that your gf had a new guy almost before she hung up the phone on you for the last time. I would force yourself to confront the idea that she is sleeping with someone. That she could so easily move from sex with you to sex with him. What does this say about her? What does it say about her level of commitement that she had for you? Why isn't she here on LS asking for support? The answer is that she wasn't as invested in your relationship as you were and is probably not giving it a second thought while you are buckled over in pain. In fact I would wager she probably had almost NO investment. Anyone who can move that easily to a new person never had an emotional commitment in real terms. Sure they will tell you they did, but they really don't. Deeds not words. I think you are lucky that she is staying away from you because if she came calling again, I am sure you would go back. Please don't. Please keep up your great NC. Even after knowing that another guy is getting all her sexual favors, you would take her back. You have invested incredible power in this person. You would take back someone who devalues you and disrespects you. Why? Why would you take her back? For sex? Use your right hand, or if you are a lefty, your left. Sex isn't worth it man. If you took her back she would do it again to you. She would realize you are weak and can't resist her, and she will keep pushing the edge of acceptability, until you are complete mush and unable to act like a man. There are plenty of women out there who WILL invest in a relationship with you. They won't pretend. Yes I say FORCE yourself to think of the unthinkable. Think about what she is doing to the other guy and him to her. Maybe this will allow you to start seeing the reality that she is gone and in some other man's bed, and that you don't want a women who would do that immediately after dumping you. Maybe thinking about that will get you angry enough so that you can begin to let go of this mirage and get on a path to find a person who deserves a nice guy like you. You don't need a person like your X who can so easily move to another. Get angry man so you don't go back for more misery. Because misery is all you will ever have with her. regards
AriaIncognito Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I have to say, I agree with Bendit on this one. And you know I love ya TP, and we've had several PM conversations about this and why she wasn't the one. Unfortunately, I also know that all the hearing "she wasn't the one" stuff doesn't mean sh*t when your heart is holding on. I know because I harbor hope, albeit getting smaller by the day, that my ex and I have a shot. Keep on doing what you're doing, the fact that you've gone a month NC almost is amazing, and you're only going to get stronger with each day. Focus on you now. I know you're looking to make some changes in your life, career wise, so let that be your focus. Sometimes, we just need something to put focus onto, to lose a little bit of focus for something we lost. Keep your chin up, and keep going strong. You're going to make it out of this, and so am I :-) Come out this weekend to the events with the group we're in...it'll help to be social... Jennifer
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