violet_21 Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 My boyfriend of 4 years had an affair. I suspected it for a few months after increasing secrecy with his laptop and cellphone. I also found a strange photo on his camera of a girl sitting in our garage wearing his ugg boots in a short dress. I KNEW. He flipped out and denied it, saying it was his moms friend. Last night I finally broke into his hotmail account and caught him redhanded. Basically, he met a girl from an online service called plentyoffish, thru a profile which advertised for friends and was not sexualy overt. Somehow it became sexual and he had sex with her 3 or 4 times. He then realized it was a mistake and broke it off, and she became kind of nuts and started driving by the house etc. Shortly after I moved in, and watched as my bf lost 20 lbs, was constantly sick and short tempered. I just knew it. He was constantly afraid of me finding out, or her coming to the houes and confronting us. She didn't, but.. Ater I broke into the email I woke him up at 6 am, screaming my head off, smacking him with photos of her i printed from his email. He denied it again this time saying, i have never seen her before, etc, does he really think i am that stupid?? Well i told him that and a few hours later he admitted it to me, after I tried and tried to have him be honest. He said he was afraid of my reaction, was sorry, loved me and wants to start fresh. I admitted to him I joined eharmony and adultfriendfinder once or twice as an ego boost, having ppl reply to my photos etc. I however did not meet anyoen or cheat on him. So, he wants a fresh start. I was wondering if anyone has advice on how to deal with a situation like this. I want to move past it but I am shocked, upset, confused, dissapointed... feel like a fool. I love him but I am afraid it will happen again. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Ladyjane14 Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Violet, I think you'd do well to review your previous threads. This guy has NEVER treated you right. Unfortunately, he's been pretty much your only experience in romantic love. Unlike alot of other folks who have both positive and negative romantic experience... this is all you've ever known. I know you love him, but honey believe me when I say.... there are BETTER men out there. Don't you think you deserve one?
silktricks Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 What LJ said. Find someone who is honest, loving and will treat you right.
RecoverMe Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I think you said trying and trying to have him be honest. You can't be honest for him, he has to make his own choice to be honest or not. Which is how I would put it to him in a non-threatening way, b/c as long as he feels it a threat he will keep lying. I would say "I expect honesty and I need to know the person I am in a relationship with is honest to me and that I can trust him. Then either you move out or ask him to move out. Be very clear about your boundries and let him know how much it hurts you. Be as calm and level as you can. I know it is extremely difficult, and I totally feel your pain and frustration dealing with a lying SO. If he is worthy of you, he will figure it out and level with you the way you need hime to. If he doesn't then hopefully over time you will come to realize that he wasn't worth your time or your love. I know it's hard when you love someone. Believe me, my husband treated me this way when I confronted him. It's something about these guys not liking confrontation and they revert to immature beings about just telling the fing truth. Hope this helps, good luck!
Heavenseventeen Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 You had to beat the truth out of him...what more needs to be said. The only reason he is sorry is because he got caught. A real man would not cheat. A real man would confess to cheating. You need to stop asking for compliments of your online pictures, get out there and find yourself. Become a new woman. In time, you meet someone much better.
Recommended Posts