stevensgirl Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I started dating a man about a year ago, At the time we started seeing each other he and his ex-wife of 2 years(who cheated on him many times and even admitted to me that was the reason she wanted to end the marraige) were also seeing each other. He informed me that he and his ex-wife had been sexually active on and off, since their divorce, there was a possibility that they might get back together and that he wasn't ready for a committed relationship. We continued to see each other and for the most part saw each other every day. Once we became intimate I told him that if he were to sleep with her again that we would end that part of our relationship, he agreed. I would go to his house nearly every evening, because he has a small child and the child lives with him it was easier for me to go to his house. Most evenings between 10:00 & 11:00 p.m. I would have to leave because she would bring their oldest son back to his house from work and even though she knew he was seeing me, he was trying to keep us from running into each other so as not to cause any problems. Occasionally he would ask me not to come by because he had to meet with her to do things such as help her with her taxes or to discuss the kids. One night, about 3 months into our relationship, I called him to tell him I was on my way over and he told me that he couldn't see me because he was too sick, I decided to go do some shopping and low and behold he walks in a few minutes later with his ex-wife. I was devestated that he'd lied to me. He explained it away by saying he needed a case of oil for his car and she called and asked him to meet her there. About a week later, after leaving his house around 11:00p.m., I had a sneaking suspision that something was going on so I drove past his house around 2:00a.m. and sure enough found her car in the driveway. The next afternoon when he got off of work I showed up at his house and asked him if he had slept with her the night before and his reply was "as a matter of fact I did, but I never wanted to hurt you". He also told me that they'd been sleeping together the entire time we'd been seeing each other and that he thought I meant if he slept with her not to sleep with me the same day. Absolutely in love with this man I chose to forget that it happened. Now, 8 months later we live together, are in a committed relationship and are even talking about getting married. Though we do have some sexual activity, about 1x a week, sometimes less than that, I have to pretty much beg for it and get turned down a lot. Sometimes he will keep me out until very late at night and by the time we get home he HAS to go to sleep because he has to get up very early for work, almost as if he is avoiding ant sex with me at all.For this reason I have begun to wonder about the night 8 months ago when he had his overnight guest. I can't understand why if he has such a low sex drive, he needed to be sleeping with both of us. I brought it up to him and he got angry, he says it wasn't cheating, I say it was. I know he isn't seeing her at all anymore because he goes to work and comes straight home. My problem is I can say that since the first time we were together intimately I haven't touched another man, but I can't say that about him and I am still not only hurt but angry as well. He says I need to get over it and the only way to do so is for me to determine if it was cheating or not. Is it cheating, and is it forgivable???
littlekitty Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Yes it was cheating. I can't understand why you even took him back? He was sleeping with his ex-wife the whole first part of your relationship and you accepted that? I wouldn't have done. You deserve better than that, surely? I find it strange that he was able to have such an active sex life only 8 months ago and now he can't....? Something smells fishy...?
Spiderman Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I agree with LK, something seems odd here & yes, 100% cheating. Quote: are in a committed relationship and are even talking about getting married This does not sound like the ideal footing for a marriage. I can see you getting hurt further down the line. Quote: I brought it up to him and he got angry, he says it wasn't cheating, I say it was. I know he isn't seeing her at all anymore because he goes to work and comes straight home. The basis of a good relationship/marriage is being able to talk to one another, he should be able to reassure you , make you feel secure if needed. He sounds like he doesn't care less about your feelings and just wants to brush his wrong doings under the carpet. Quote; I was devestated that he'd lied to me How can you be 100% sure he isn't still seeing this x-wife? He has already lied to you before, on more than one occasion it seems. Quote: he thought I meant if he slept with her not to sleep with me the same day OMG I have heard it all now. If you believe this you deserve what you get. Sorry to sound harsh, but please wake up and smell the coffee.
littlekitty Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Quote: he thought I meant if he slept with her not to sleep with me the same day OMG I have heard it all now. If you believe this you deserve what you get. Sorry to sound harsh, but please wake up and smell the coffee. Word.
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