Confuzzled85 Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 This is probably really stupid but does anyone ever think they will never find someone else, someone that matchs up to there ex? And is there any way I can get these stupid thoughts out of my head?
grateful Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 These aren't stupid thoughts. They are normal - - many people have the fear that the ex is "the one" and that they are therefore destined to live their lives alone or with the someone who isn't as good as the ex. If a break up is fresh and you are still hanging on of course you will remember the good rather than bad times. If the break up is not so fresh and you are still idealizing the ex, my suspicion is that it is more about you and not the ex... meaning the ideal picture of the ex is your own creation in order to keep yourself from moving on. It's a little self defense mechanism to keep you from putting yourself out there and risk getting hurt again. Life is about risks, and love never happens without them - you have to let yourself be vulnerable to fall in love. Give yourself time but if you find yourself hanging on then start to ask yourself what is it about you that is keeping you in fear.
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Do you know how many times I ask my friend " do you think I'll ever fall in love again ". Her words are always " trust me if I could do it, you can do it" I always feel like that but It's not going to happen right away and not even in a year of your break up maybe! But so what.. Maybe right now you are uncertain about ever meeting someone again but in time you'll see that you will and probaly much better. I wish I could listen to my own advice. It took my bestfriend two years to get over her ex, and the feelings and pain just disapeared when she ment her current boyfriend Josh. Who treats her so much better than her ex. But there are no guarantees that you will find someone better. You never know.
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 If the break up is not so fresh and you are still idealizing the ex, my suspicion is that it is more about you and not the ex... meaning the ideal picture of the ex is your own creation in order to keep yourself from moving on. It's a little self defense mechanism to keep you from putting yourself out there and risk getting hurt again. Life is about risks, and love never happens without them - you have to let yourself be vulnerable to fall in love. Give yourself time but if you find yourself hanging on then start to ask yourself what is it about you that is keeping you in fear. I never really looked at it that way. But you are right! I put my ex on the biggest pedistool and always brings me back to the past. Do you think we do it subcounsily?
Mollyanna Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I am sure you will find someone much better than your ex. After all, your ex doesn't seem too smart. He/She didn't realize how special you are, right? What an idiot!
saiga Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I have the same issue as you, unsure of a better person and if I will ever meet that person. One way in which I deal with it: Ask yourself this question: Have you ever felt the same way about an ex prior to this one? Once I realize that I did meet another person (even though it didn't work out), I know there will be others. As stated above, you have to take risks and put yourself out there. Hope this helps.
Author Confuzzled85 Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 Thank you for all your help guys, im beginning to think there is life after this. At the moment I just need to do whats right for me and make myself happy, and when I least expect it, it will happen. I have been broke up with my ex for nearly a month, and things are getting easier, and even thou I fear my Ex has a new girlfriend, we still continue to be good mates when we see each other ) thank you for all the advice
MrPot Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I had a strange problem with my ex who recently dumped me. I felt for a long time that she was "the one" and that we'd spend our lives together. However, the whole time I knew that I could find someone better for me and occasionally I'd meet someone better and I'd feel regrets over my relationship. If you ever have those feelings, you need to come over your own feelings and realize that something isn't working. If I had done that long ago, I wouldn't have had my heart torn out and stomped on 2 months ago.
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