roadrun007 Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I been dating this girl for almost one year (August 4th), and she is everything to me. She makes my life complete. I always had this desire to find that perfect person for me and then I found her. Throughout our relationship I have lied to her several, heck many times. I have let her down more times than I can remember. Most of the time it was my fear of loosing her, so I would lie so she wouldn't leave me. Everytime she would find out and not be sad or mad about what I did wrong, but that I lied about it. I always have this fear its what I do wrong will loose someone, but now its my lieing that is caused me to loose her. Anyways, she has forgiven me so many times. She has started to believe me over and over and then I let her down again and again. Just recently (the reason for this post) I let her down again. I lied to her. I am not going to tell the lie, but it was pretty serious. I had also been hiding something from her as well. She found out immediately about my lie and then about what I was hiding. I let her down really bad. She has been so hurt we havent even talked in couple days. She said just recently that she doesn't think she can be my friend anymore let alone be my girlfriend ever again. I broke her trust. I feel so bad. I want her back more than anything. How do you rebuild that trust? Will it ever come back? What do I do to better myself so I don't keep lying, so I don't keep hurting the people I love? Is it possible to get her back? I would do anything to be with her, why can't I stop letting her down? Any help would be appreciated.
garnet Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 can you at least elaborate a little bit on the nature of what you're lying about? I'm assuming that you're talking about infidelity? Speaking from personal experience, once trust has been lost in a relationship it's extremely difficult to regain. It sounds like honesty is a serious problem for you...I think you should at least consider counseling to get at the root of what is causing this to happen. Until you are able to do that, your behavior will likely not change. If you are to have any hope of regaining this person's trust, you will have to go to great lengths and prove that you are seeking help.
Author roadrun007 Posted July 20, 2006 Author Posted July 20, 2006 It wasn't infedelity. I made up a new IM name to talk to girls. We always had a completely open relationship and told each other everything and I broke that by making a new name that I hid from her. Then one morning I was talking to her on the phone and my phone got a text. She asked who it was and I lied saying it was one of my friends that would never text me in the morning. She saw right threw my lie and asked again, I again tried to cover it up with that lie. I eventually confessed it wasn't him, that it was a girl. I told the lie to hide how she got my number. The stupid thing is if I would have used my regular IM name, and not lied to her about who had text, she wouldn't have cared cause I was just trying to make a friend. I hid that name, and I lied when that girl text me. I have been going to therapy. I keep trying to fix this addicition. I need help. Therapy isnt enough or maybe Im not honest enough in therapy. I don't want to loose this girl but my constant lieing has caused it. I want help. I want to stop this. I am a liar, anyone who knows measures I can take to help me, I would appreciate. I know its going to take time, but I WILL do it.
garnet Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 If you love this woman so much, why is there the desire to have an open relationship? It sounds like you really crave the attention of other women, which may mean you need to solve a deeply-rooted self esteem problem.
Author roadrun007 Posted July 20, 2006 Author Posted July 20, 2006 I didn't mean open relationship as in seeing other people. I meant open relationship that we told each other everything. We wouldnt hide anything. We gave each other our passwords so we could check if ever we wanted to, and so I made that new account and hid that from her. Maybe you are right about the desire from other girls. Maybe there is a self-esteme issue going on here. I know that I created that account when we had been broken up and our future was uncertain. I know I want this girl. I know she completes me. Why did I make this account and hide it from her? Was it cause I was mad cause we were broken up? Was it cause I just wanted to find a friend to talk to? Was it like you said a self-estem issue? Hiding things and lieing destroy relationships, maybe I though I wasnt good enough for her. Im starting to think there is alot of self-estem issues. Maybe if I can better myself, believe more in myself, I won't have to lie to cover things up...I won't cover anything up. Maybe I can one day be completely honest. I started a journal. I hated writing threw my life, but now I see the power it gives. I learn alot about myself. I find answers my conscience didn't want me to see. If I can continue to write each day, maybe I can over come my struggles. Id do anything to get her back, but I have said that before and then just lied again.
mariJane Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 WELL I SAY THIS DUDE... YOU MIGHT GET LUCKY AND GET HER BACK IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH FLOWERS AND SINCERITY... if you get her back remember this.... for me personally, even infeditity, they guy has a chance of having me if he can tell me things, you see it the principle of the matter, no matter how much you dont want to hurt somebody with the truth, or lose them, or creat e a problem or whatever, the principle of the matter is just putting it out there is respectful to them as a human, like if i had a guy sleep with someon e all he has to do is tell me, cuz i would respect that in him the courage to tell me, i would forever hate him if i found out after i slept with him and had to wonder what kind of std's he just gave me.... you follow me here??? well thats just how i feel about cheating, and lying is not being open. be open be real, be grateful if you get her and be grateful that you had her in your life at one point and better to have love and lost then never loved, so hey just be thankful if you dont get her maybe there is someone else, its all experiences right!!!!!!!!
Author roadrun007 Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 You are right. I must be honest. I don't know if I will get her back, but if I do.....I probably cry for joy. Little over dramatic there. I found out something about myself today. I lied because I hid something. I did something wrong and I didnt want to take ownership or responsibility for that action. I need to take responsibility. I screwed up! I can't lie to cover up my failings. I must confess them. Confess them even before I am put in a position to lie. If I screw up and be honest and she leaves me, at least I have the integrety of being an honest person. I don't think I ever had that before. Honesty builds relationships, failures dont destroy them, lies and deceet destroys them. I must tell myself everyday. I screwed up. Don't lie. Take ownership.
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