lost007 Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 hi all, my problem is my wife now, she is threathing me by divorce and she is trying to move out and take some of the furnitures, her behavior changed for the past month, i had some suspecions there, i checked her cellphone i found some text messages to one of her co-worker that she claimes that he is only a close friend,he ven talked to me and he said that he has a girlfriend and he will never think to cheat on a married wife wich a B/S.she always stayed late at work while he is working, she always comes with some silly lies and reasons.i told her what i feel about her and her actions but she said that she is not in love with me anymore ,that our marriage was a mistake but she did not mentioned anything about having an affair!!!she lied to me about her having a meeting but she was spotted entering the co-worker(the close friend)`s apartment,she is making it a reason now why she wanna go move out on her own and recently she bought a cellphone secretly,i found some romantic/love text message that she sent to the dude.im lost here i dont what to do,let her go and divorce me and this is what she wants,i did suggest counseling but she that not seems interested, or i need to confront her about the infidelity that she is having and divorce her after that.we dont kids yet.i found some heart to heart letter from her about what she is feeling right now and how she is unsecure, im juts sick of her lies all the time but she does not admit that. i need her help plz and thank you for reading my thread.
jmargel Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 You need to tell her about what you know and that she is cheating on you. It's time to show tough love. I would write this in a letter and give it to her. This will give her a chance to fully read it without lashing out at you. Unfortunetly until she realizes what she is doing on her own there's not much you can do. Give her the ultamatium in that if she goes then it's over for good. If you try to latch onto her she will continue to disrespect you. I'm sorry you are going through this but I have a feeling once she sees the real side of this guy, then her thoughts will be kicking in about what she has done. I would suggest seeing a counselor & a lawyer. Also you might want to give us some more of a background about your marriage and the both of you.
Guest Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Have faith and turn it over to God. Having God in your life right now is the best thing for. I know, I'm going through this now.hi all, my problem is my wife now, she is threathing me by divorce and she is trying to move out and take some of the furnitures, her behavior changed for the past month, i had some suspecions there, i checked her cellphone i found some text messages to one of her co-worker that she claimes that he is only a close friend,he ven talked to me and he said that he has a girlfriend and he will never think to cheat on a married wife wich a B/S.she always stayed late at work while he is working, she always comes with some silly lies and reasons.i told her what i feel about her and her actions but she said that she is not in love with me anymore ,that our marriage was a mistake but she did not mentioned anything about having an affair!!!she lied to me about her having a meeting but she was spotted entering the co-worker(the close friend)`s apartment,she is making it a reason now why she wanna go move out on her own and recently she bought a cellphone secretly,i found some romantic/love text message that she sent to the dude.im lost here i dont what to do,let her go and divorce me and this is what she wants,i did suggest counseling but she that not seems interested, or i need to confront her about the infidelity that she is having and divorce her after that.we dont kids yet.i found some heart to heart letter from her about what she is feeling right now and how she is unsecure, im juts sick of her lies all the time but she does not admit that. i need her help plz and thank you for reading my thread.
Author lost007 Posted July 20, 2006 Author Posted July 20, 2006 thanks for your advices, well she was again with her co-worker at his apartement for 5 hours, i was so mad,i was going to open thier door and see whats going on inside but i couldnt....no lights on ......he lives in second floor.... its really hurts.she called me and she lied ,she is watching a movie with her female friend....,we`v been married for 3 years expect for the last 1 month that just acting wierdo.i think her friends and co-workers they start avoiding me maybe she told them bad things about me to make it sound im that bad guy here in this relationship.....or she telling them that she is divorcing me ,who knows.....she was sweet like an angel when she got home i tried to calm down and relax till i see her and her lover together i dont know is it the right decision for now ???!!!she become workaholic with lot of silly and inacceptable reasons.thats my story for now any help/suggestions/advice????
Gunny376 Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 what you written, and given that they're aren't any children involved, (and if you think this is hard? Get some children involved), I would recommend the following: 1. Follow Lady Jane Do and Don't list of no contact. 2. Get a divorce lawyer 3. Gain control of all the marital assets ~ especially the financial ones 4. Change the locks on the doors, perhaps have a security alarm system installed if you don't already have one. 5. File for diovrce ~ recover (about three years ~ average) and move on with you life ~ without her. Doesn't matter what you want ~ she's already made up her mind and she scroggin the other guy. Don't believe what she's telling you ~ believe what yo know!
sooth Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 You've got some good advice already from these other folks. Doesn't love you anymore probably means she never did truly. Women like this are no good not only do they cheat they haven't even got the balls to come clean about it. Usually reflects some deep pshychological problem, eg. abandoholic. If you want to win her back, the worst you can do is fret and grovel - behave like you don't care, get another woman and rub her nose in it, cut off everything you give/do for .
Author lost007 Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 thank you so much for your advices, well i did erite a letter confronting her about her behavour and that i saw her romantic letter and text messages and that i cant live with some who lies all the time,and that im going to file for divorce,well she denied everything,and she told me that she is not slut and she is not cheating, and she was swearing on her grandma..... the guy came to me stating that they r only co-workers and friends when i told him about the t messages and cellphone call details he was mad and told me why u r following all the time. i do follow them to beleive my eyes not to pull up with her silly reasons,she did not spend the night in the house b/c she is babysitting,her car was not when she supossed to babysitt and the guy`s car was not there either, i did make an appointement with a counsler this week,but i think that its not gonna help with nothing since she is with her lover all time???!!!!im lost do i need to divorce her and done with her or wait to see what after the counseling ????he asked her infront me is she attarcted to him and the surprise was yes as a friend, what in the hell is that answer.......................some help plz:eek:
Gunny376 Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Its just this simple, either your the only star in her universe ~ or your not! People make time for what's important in their lives! Why is the azzhat in the picture? Answer me that! Who is he? Why is in your life? Why is he in her life? A co-worker? A good friend? I've got them ~ their guys, but they're not in my life like this guy is in hers! When your married ~ the only other guys that should "really for real and serious" be in her life are her and your relatives. Co-workers? Nada! You don't have kids? Dump her! She's disrespecting you!
Author lost007 Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 now she decided to live on her own, of course with that special-coworker-close friend helpinh her out, paying for dissolution fees and rent.....i changed the locks in my place but she keep calling me that she needs her stuff and if not she will call the police on me, the lease on my name,she is willing to take every single furniture..........thats not fair since she is the one who start cheating, do i go for dissolotion and thats what she wants because she wanna make it easy on her and quick to start hanging out with her friend-lover .or file for divorce( i dont know how long it take?) she does not love me anymore and i need to get a grip.one side of me said do the divorce because i feel that she betrayed me,the other side said just do the dissolution and done with her.any help plz?????
Sup Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 now she decided to live on her own, of course with that special-coworker-close friend helpinh her out, paying for dissolution fees and rent.....i changed the locks in my place but she keep calling me that she needs her stuff and if not she will call the police on me, the lease on my name,she is willing to take every single furniture..........thats not fair since she is the one who start cheating, do i go for dissolotion and thats what she wants because she wanna make it easy on her and quick to start hanging out with her friend-lover .or file for divorce( i dont know how long it take?) she does not love me anymore and i need to get a grip.one side of me said do the divorce because i feel that she betrayed me,the other side said just do the dissolution and done with her.any help plz????? Ask a Lawyer about Abandonment, and divorce her, SHE left NOT you! Don't make it easy on HER!
Gunny376 Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 I know you love her, and all that jazz! Forget that! She's bobbing someone else's apple now! Accept it! Its happening, and its real! Accept it, and move on! She's not worth the investment of time, effort, nor money! In her eyes? You're out of gas!
DieselPWR Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Gunny, As hard as your words are to swallow sometimes, they are always the truth. And its because of these words that you are helping me out of my funk that had become my life. I have always said it's not over till its over, and I still believe that, but I am putting no more effort into it and letting it go, to be what is to be. Dude, I know exatcly how you feel. Only difference is, I only have my suspicions and you have somewhat proof. Regardless, if you know its going on, or at least have all the signs, and she is showing no remorse, follow the 33 tips Do and Don't thread and you will see alot of good advice. When my wife decided to move out, it was orginally to "Get her head together" now its headed to full blown divorce. This after a few MONTHS of marriage. At first, I was devistated, but through this forum, and as the other Guest said, God, I am getting through this. I know it doesn't seem like its reality, it is and it sucks. As Gunny said, move on. I am slowly taking this advice, and you know what, it feels great. I still love my wife too, and that's why I am letting her go. If your wife is telling you that she doesn't love you anymore, then let it go. You don't have to like it, I sure as hell don't. But I have left mine alone for a month and a half now, and If she comes back, she comes back. If she don't, she don't. Like it or not, you can't change that, and the sooner you start working on yourself, the better. Get hobbies, play games, go out with buddies. The only thing you're going to do by obessing over this is make yourself crazy. Trust me, from first hand expierence. I didn't sleep, didn't eat, and would pace the hall of my house for hours. And what did that accomplish? Not a darn thing, but make me tired, sick, and more crazy. I know you think she's worth it and she may be. But, there is only so much you can do. If you've screwed up somewhere, admit it. You've offered counsling, and that's great. Maybe she'll take you up on that, but nothing you will be able to say at this point will do much of anything. Keep you head up, and hang around here for a while. You'll be amazed on how much better you will feel by just venting a little. Me
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