princessesmom Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 I have been so scared to do write this. I guess part of me was hoping it would go away. I have been married for 7 years with two kids. Been together for 14 years with some up and downs. Anyways I am so loney, sad, need my husband back or maybe me. I have a few things going wrong in this marriage one) lies ( by him for 2 years) two) now I am the doing the lying. I have put a few post out here under quest just to see. See what I don't know, I am shaking just typing this sorry if I am misspelling. Long story short husband got hook on some pain meds and thing got really bad for us. He would lie and steal from me. About a year of that I asked him to stop. I need him and miss him. He hasn't stopped and now it is really bad. Thing is I am getting attention from someone else and I like it he is all I think about. Can't wait to see him again. I told my husband ( without who it is and stuff like that) I guess I just said I need him and so do the kids. We miss eating dinner with him, doing things with him. I need him to come to bed at night with me, kiss me once in a while, maybe more:o But nothing. I left and back in Jan. for a few weeks and he told me things would change. It never did. I feel sick to think I gave up my career to stay home with our kids. I have nothing and noone. Reallly I can't stay at my friends forever, she has her own family. I have been looking for a job to get on my feet since March with no luck. How can I afford to get a appartment with no job. I have been out of work since my first kid was born 6 years ago. anyways I know this guy will take care of some of my needs( sorry to much information) and I guess right now I need to feel pretty, sexy, and wanted. It is so hard to have nothing for so long. unless I really push it. I know I should do anything with the guy but I really want too. I don't know what I am looking for here other then to get this out here and off my chest. So many more things are going on with my husband and I but if I put it all it would be a book. thanks for looking
sickinside Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 First of all your husband needs treatment. My cousin has been addicted to pain pills for over 10 years. She has done it all until one day it almost cost her her life. She is 33 years old and has suffered 2 heart attacks and spent 10 days in cardiac icu. Her first heart attack was in front of her 3 year old daughter and my aunt had to do CPR. I am not telling you this to scare you but i don't think people understand the seriousness of pain pills. Those heart attacks are what finally pushed her into recovery. Now with that said,I am sure you miss your H . The man before the pills. It is amazing how this can change a person. I watched it for many years. The stealing and deceitfulness is about the pills. Is he willing to get treatment at all? does his family know about his problem? Do you want your marriage to work? Do you want to help your h get better? Is this om just filling a void that you are not getting from your h? My theory on affairs is there is never a good reason to have one.
Author princessesmom Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 1) I got him help 4 times and each time goes right back to it. Won't tell me till 4 or 5 months later. or when I notice but even then will lie about it. 2) no he won't go for help. It is no longer pain meds. he is now on bigger and better. I asked him to go and he said no this is how he will be till he is gone but hey don't worry honey I got you taken care of for the rest of your life ( as for money for me and the kids) 3) yes this person is to fill my void I am sad, loney and everything else in the book. I have some great group of friends but I just can't bring myself to tell them again. 4) I am so sick everyday I get sick or can't sleep. It has been to long. Oh almost forgot when I told him how sad and loney I am he told me go fine someone make sure he will be good to our kids. He loves me but understands. ??? what???
sickinside Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 I am not one to push for divorce but it sounds like ti is time to let go. You need to do this for yourself but especially for your kids. they do not need to be exposed to his destructive lifestyle. My sonn to be ex is an alcoholic and a very selfish man so I do know how you feel. It sounds very familiar " the kids will never go without" They think the money solves all of the problems. I know you feel lonely(i have been for a year) but you need to sort yourself out. In my opinion bringing another man in you life right now might not be the best thing. You need to get better and find your happiness not depend on someone else to do that for you.That was my one vow to myself when all of my crap started. sometime being alone is not so bad. Make sure you take care of yourself, your kids need you right now. Have you gone to see a counseler? That helps me alot
bab Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Oh almost forgot when I told him how sad and loney I am he told me go fine someone make sure he will be good to our kids. He loves me but understands. ??? what??? I can actually understand this. I bet he feels like he will never be able to handle it. He loves you, but knows he isn't the person you need. He's giving you an out. I think you should take it.
Author princessesmom Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 I don't want to leave him. I just want him back and know he never will be. I have no help from family NONE! I can't leave till I find a job and I have been looking everyday since March. I want to go back to school (it will only take 6 months to get the degree) but don't trust him to stay with the kids. ( and no they don't have online class for what I need) My best friend is 1 hour away that is all I have. He won't give me money for a babysitter because he thinks he is fine with them ( you know sleeping the whole time and putting them in front of the TV) Otherwise I have no money to even look for a place and how would I take care of my kids and myself? I feel so lost:(
sickinside Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I felt the same way you do. there is always an answer but it probably hard to see it now. If you are serious about leaving him I am sure he must keep status quoe. He still needs to support you and your children and no judge is going to see it any other way. Your best bet is to get some legal advice. I waited so long and was scared but my lawyer was the best thing that ever happened to me. I know you want him to change but only he can do it. I prayed for a year that my h would change,still hasn't happened.I am so sorry you are going through this but you are not alone. There is light at the end of this dark tunnel
Author princessesmom Posted July 20, 2006 Author Posted July 20, 2006 thanks I just got back from my best friends house today. She told me I can stay there as long as I need. But I will have to pick her or him she can't sit back and watch this anymore. I am so scared, I don't want to loss her but this is my husband. She is the best friend anyone could ever want. She just sat back and cried with me. I guess she can't watch it either but never thought she would say that. I other friend had me over and also said to come stay with her which I might since she doesn't live that far if husband wants to see the kids.
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