piglikedonut314 Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 I will not write a novel about my situation, I will keep it short and sweet. My girlfriend and I just started dating. I have caught her in a few lies, and when I confront her she admits to them. She says she lies so I won't stop loving her or liking her. Anyone experience something such as this?
electric_sheep Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Oh yes, I have indeed, and it's a tough one. On the bright side, at least she admits when she lies. I've dated women that won't even do that. I hate to stereotype, but it seems like some women are more prone to lie simply for the hell of it ... or at least the motivation is not immediately evident. Men on the other hand (who will lie just as much), tend to lie to cover their ass or for practical (that is, selfish) reasons. I could be wrong, this is only my observation. Sometimes lying is a sign of low self-esteem. It can also mean they are not taking anything seriously. Then there are people who have been lying for so long they cant stop. Lying is something a lot of people go through (especially in their adolescents). Most of us grow out of it, some don't. So it can be a sign of immaturity too. The worst kind of lier is the lier with a really bad memory. I dated a girl like this once. She couldn't remember anything she had said more than a week ago, and yet she constantly lied, stretched the truth, exaggerated, etc ... I used to re-ask her about stuff just for the hell of it, sometimes supplying the answer along with the question (what I thought was the truthful answer ... different from the answer she gave me before) , and low and behold, she would agree with me. Nobodies perfect. You can certainly still have fun dating people like this. Sometimes they grow out of it ... my 16 yo gf, whom I dated on and off for years, eventually grew out of it to become a person of amazing integrity.
norajane Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 It's fear of disappointing you if she reveals something she thinks you might find less than flattering...it's insecurity that you might leave her if she's not perfect...it's fear that you would be upset or angry or critical if you knew something she wasn't so proud of... Take a look at the things she is lying about, and if they are little or unimportant or things that you can't understand why she'd lie about them, make sure to keep reinforcing that she has no need to lie to you about anything. Make sure she understands that lying is something that would cause you to leave her, even though the things she is lying about never would. It will take some time to make her feels secure, so don't expect immediate change.
electric_sheep Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 norajane makes a really good point. Some lie to protect other peoples feelings ... this is a lie of kindness or courtesy. I would certainly not break up with someone over this. Other lies are more selfish in nature, or even completely arbitrary or seemingly without any point at all. This kind of lying can get really old.
Author piglikedonut314 Posted July 20, 2006 Author Posted July 20, 2006 Well an example of a time she lied is as follows: She lies about stuff that she perceives I will not like. The only problem is knowing what is a lie and not. Is a relationship worth that? That is what I am trying to decide. And there are times when I feel she is lying but, just can't admit it.
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