lostandconfusedgirl Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 My boyfriend & I have been together for 2 years and have been living together for 1 yr & 3/4. He is my 3rd serious relationship, my 2nd real love in life. I have been thinking of ending it with him for some time now, even though we are very happy together. He treats me really well and would follow me to the ends of the Earth. I'm not quite sure why I dont want to be with him anymore. He is claims he is ready for marriage, but I dont think he is stable enough. He lives with me & my mother. He is 22 and has never lived on his own. The job that he is at does not pay well & he doesn't have any ambition to better his life. If I break up with him I will have to kick him out, and the only place he has to go is his brothers house 3 hours away. He would lose his entire life.....I am the most important thing to him. He lives for me, not for him. When we first met he had a death wish & used to cut his arms and legs and smoke weed all the time...but he quit all that. This relationship has been really good for him...and I know it will kill him if I end it. I have a fear of being alone. I'm not used to sleeping by myself, and I know that no matter what decision I make, one day I will look back and regret it. He treats me so well & this is the best relationship I've had, but I can't stand his mother or any of his friends....I hate to say this but they are white trash...and will always be that way....I get along with his brother though (who lives 3 hours away). He has obsessive compulsive disorder.....which doesn't bother me too much......but it is still something that I wish I lived without. He is very jealous & he doesn't like meeting my friends because a lot of them are ex's that I have remained good friends with. My best girl friend does not like him, and I have recently met someone else that I really like & respect. This new guy comes from a good family, which I absolutely love! My mother really likes this new guy too...she said he is the "kind of guy she always hoped I'd find". My best girl friend thinks I should see this new guy too. My boyfriend does not know anything about this new guy, but he does know that I am unhappy. RIght now he is staying the night at a friends house to give me time to think whether or not I really want him to move out. He said that he will do anything to keep me, so he might try scraping by here instead of moving in with his brother...that way we can stay together. I really dont' know what to do. I don't know if I want to be with him anymore. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mary3 Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 My boyfriend & I have been together for 2 years and have been living together for 1 yr & 3/4. He is my 3rd serious relationship, my 2nd real love in life. I have been thinking of ending it with him for some time now, even though we are very happy together. He treats me really well and would follow me to the ends of the Earth. I'm not quite sure why I dont want to be with him anymore. He is claims he is ready for marriage, but I dont think he is stable enough. He lives with me & my mother. He is 22 and has never lived on his own. The job that he is at does not pay well & he doesn't have any ambition to better his life. If I break up with him I will have to kick him out, and the only place he has to go is his brothers house 3 hours away. He would lose his entire life.....I am the most important thing to him. He lives for me, not for him. When we first met he had a death wish & used to cut his arms and legs and smoke weed all the time...but he quit all that. This relationship has been really good for him...and I know it will kill him if I end it. I have a fear of being alone. I'm not used to sleeping by myself, and I know that no matter what decision I make, one day I will look back and regret it. He treats me so well & this is the best relationship I've had, but I can't stand his mother or any of his friends....I hate to say this but they are white trash...and will always be that way....I get along with his brother though (who lives 3 hours away). He has obsessive compulsive disorder.....which doesn't bother me too much......but it is still something that I wish I lived without. He is very jealous & he doesn't like meeting my friends because a lot of them are ex's that I have remained good friends with. My best girl friend does not like him, and I have recently met someone else that I really like & respect. This new guy comes from a good family, which I absolutely love! My mother really likes this new guy too...she said he is the "kind of guy she always hoped I'd find". My best girl friend thinks I should see this new guy too. My boyfriend does not know anything about this new guy, but he does know that I am unhappy. RIght now he is staying the night at a friends house to give me time to think whether or not I really want him to move out. He said that he will do anything to keep me, so he might try scraping by here instead of moving in with his brother...that way we can stay together. I really dont' know what to do. I don't know if I want to be with him anymore. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He clearly has issues and he is not your responsibility . Just be honest with him and tell him you don't feel the same anymore. Be up front about any questions that he asks. He depends too heavily on you and thats where the burden holds you down.
Chinook Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I doubt you would have a problem if this new guy had not showed in the picture. Do me a favour... there is a book I'm reading at the moment called "The truth about love, the highs, the lows and how to make it last forever". It's by Patricia Love. Just read it and then apply it to your relationship. Like any book, it has some utter tosh in it but it also has some common sense. PL describes the anatomy of a relationship in the post-infatuation phase. I think from what you describe could be what she refers to as the post-rapture phase... where the relationship doesn't look at all like you thought it did. Apparently this is a normal phase and it can be overcome. But the difficulty is - with someone else in the picture, you're unlikely to do that because the grass appears greener elsewhere. In my experience, once you are unhappy with a partner, you will continue to look for things which reinforce your view and give you enough evidence to end things. I don't think your boyfriend's dependency issue is a huge problem. One thing we learn in relationships is a co-existence which means altering and adapting to each other's needs. You say he has changed all his bad behaviour for you..? I don't think it is quite as simple as that. He changed it because he knew what was good for him. He made a choice. I don't think there is that much wrong with your relationship to dump him and move on to someone else. Believe me, I've been where you are - when it appeared that what I had wasn't what I wanted. It's an illusion. Go back to thinking about what drew you to your boyfriend in the first place. If you were drawn to him then with all his bad behaviour and issues... why is it so different now when he's cleaned up his act...? Be very careful that you're not just making an excuse to justify going off with someone else. If this is the case, then you simply need to be truthful with your boyfriend and tell him that you changed how you feel and that although nothing has happened yet, there is someone else in the picture. You owe it to yourself and to him, to be honest. The truth hurts... but it hurts a damn sight less than being lied to.
Recommended Posts