sunnie23 Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 three relationships in a row. all lasted eight months. all ended because i was getting upset with their behaviour, and when i tried to talk to them they confess "the feelings just aren't there". why does this keep happening to me? when will it stop? just ended another one on sunday....
Rosalind Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 sunnie23 - what type of behavior was upsetting you?
Author sunnie23 Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 with all three, something happened in their life that took up more of their time and left them with less time for me, at which point i would feel them pull away. the first guy would make rude remarks and talk about wanting to meet other women, the second guy just completely blanked me out of his life, this last guy would get ridiculously drunk and say mean things, and flirt shamelessly while ignoring me.
norajane Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Sounds like you need to meet better quality guys. Where did you meet all these winners?
Author sunnie23 Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 im embarrased to admit this - mat all three at a bar. have never met anyone any other way.
norajane Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Yeah, that could be the problem You must enjoy doing other things besides going to bars...no clubs or activities? Classes? Maybe meet people through some of your other friends?
Butterflying Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Uuuuah...I think it's time for you to do what I'm doing. Take a break from dating for a while. Find out what it is about you that attracts these type of men. By doing this, I've answered all types of good questions for myself. For instance, I realize I was attracted to my first love because he was free with his money. He would buy me all types of expensive things (he could barely afford). There was nothing, absolutely nothing, he wouldn't buy for me. Well, this became a problem when we got engaged and started saving for a house. I stopped asking him to buy me things. And he started buying expensive things for another woman. Our savings account sunk, and so did our relationship. During that time, I was financially insecure. I was young and just starting college. Now I'm a college graduate and can afford to buy my own expensive things. I no longer go after men for money. I've learned many other interesting things from other relationships too. But the most important thing I do now when I'm attracted to a man is: I ask myself why I'm attracted to him. Is it his looks, his intellect, his money, his social status, his heart, or his morals? Then I determine if he's right for me. Mostly, though, I'm still working on myself. I haven't quite figured out what's more important to me. Sometimes, I am a little superficial. I don't want that side of me to make the decision for the next man I date. So I'm trying to improve my morals before I determine someone else's.
Author sunnie23 Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 yeah after the second time it happened i took a two year break. thought a lot about the relationships and what it was I was attracted to. worked on myself, lost 35 lbs, graduated university, did many things I never thought I could do. I even went to therapy to figure out what was going on. Then I met the last one and he seemed different. Turned out he was exactly the same.
Dadubwa Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Yeah hun, you might want to pick up girls at a different location. It might just be a very odd strand of events that it always happens around 8 months. It might not be you.
rina_r Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Dont worry girl. It is not bars. It is life. I met a guy once...educated ,intelligent, teacher at school, handsome, i meann all that, and what? - he turned out to be dealing drugs as a second job....
hchris6738k Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 learn the red flags, here are some; 1. he comes on too strong too soon. 2. erratic, uneven, or mysterious behaviour. 3. he is not true to his word. 4. he is possesive. 5. he puts you on a pedistal right away. 6. he gets clingy fast. 7. he tries to control you. 8. he confuses you. 9. he blames other people for things that happen. 10. he speaks badly of his ex (especially soon in your relationship) there are more, do an internet search for "red flags", learn how to recognize them, and if even a couple of the red flags are there-loose him. when you learn how to spot these early on, you'll know what kind of guys to stay away from, and stop being attracted to that certain quality in all the guys you've been with that they have in common.
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