I am not sure

[Dontknow]

Hi!

 

I guess I am coming to this forum to ask for advice from an outsider's point of view. I am not sure whether or not to divorce or try to reconcile. I love my husband mostly because I have been with him for 7 years and we have a child together. Here is my story if you care to read.

 

I met my husband in college. I got pregnant a short time after we started dating (6 months). We moved in together then and he got a good job making decent money. The whole time during my pregnancy he was mean and verbally abusive. He would tell me that he didn't love me and that I should get an abortion. We would fight all the time and he would call me names. As much as it hurt to hear this, i stayed. Mostly because my mother had just died and I did not have any other family. I had no support system besides him.

 

We had a baby boy. He never was really interested in him. He wasn't mean to the baby but did not really care to play with him or do normal things a father would do.

 

During the next few years we got married. The verbal abuse seemed to calm down. I married him mostly because of the baby who was a toddler at this point.

 

Fast forward to now: I received my college degree and have an excellent job making really good money. He plays PS2 all the time and is not really interested in family time. I have begun to go out with my friends as long as I have child care mostly because he is so consumated with his games that I needed something to do for me to have fun. He has no friends.

 

He can't do anything for himself including going to the grocery store. He is a hermit. Now he doesnt like me to go out with my friends. The good thing that I can say about him is that he does work really hard to make money for us.

 

He wants another child. I have always dreamed of having a big family because I do not have one, but I dont want anymore kids with him. He doesnt show our son any attention and I don't want to be the one with the responsibility of being the only one taking care of another. My first pregnancy was awful because of him, and I dont want to put myself back into that situation.

 

My dillema is this: I feel like if I leave, I may have the chance to meet someone that I want to share a life with and have more children with. On the other hand, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

 

He is clinically depressed but refuses to take his medications. We have tried counseling, but he quit going after two sessions. I am to the point where I can't stand him. I think I want out but I am afraid after I leave I will regret it.

 

Are some marriages like this? Do people stay in marriages like this? Are these valid reasons for divorce?

[Guest]

try going to counseling with him. He needs the support and motivation to make this work. Most of all, you need a Church home, it has done wounders for. This relationship needs two to make it work. I am having problems with my wife and I recently accepted Christ in my life, however she doesn't want to try to work it out. Sometimes people need a push, don't give up if you don't try.

[Guest]

Your situation probably will not change...if he is not interested in his son; why would he want another baby except maybe to keep you in the marriage....all the things that make you unhappy will not change; now maybe you can try counseling and if he will go; that may work, but people only change when they want to change; we cannot change them so the things that you do not like more than likely will continue to irratate you.

 

The worst thing is; is that you are not happy so your son will feel that and the other thing is that your son needs his father to be interested in him...because that uninterest will hurt him as he is growing up. If all that can be changed by your husband then good; if not....well you know the answer.

[DieselPWR]

try going to counseling with him. He needs the support and motivation to make this work. Most of all, you need a Church home, it has done wounders for. This relationship needs two to make it work. I am having problems with my wife and I recently accepted Christ in my life, however she doesn't want to try to work it out. Sometimes people need a push, don't give up if you don't try.

That is what is getting me through this, I am concentrating on three things: 1. Getting sober and staying sober for good. 2. Re-Establishing my relationship with Christ and 3rd. Being patient and seeing if my wife comes back.

The first and second are integral to each other in my eyes. It is my realtionship with Christ that is keeping me on the wagon, if you will.

The 3rd will happen if is part of God's plan. I have done all that I can do in my eyes, and am trying to let God work my life. I have screwed my life up pretty good and am know that God will get me through it.

But just know that you can't change someone else, and if they don't want it, you can't push it. I am learning that the hard way through much pain and heartache.

[loneysmom]

let me tell you something, i understand bits and pieces of your pain. i think many marriages have problems like yours, not necessarily identical, but still having the same effect on the person involved, you... my husband also loves his playstation 2. this is beyond my comprehension. at what age do men give up these games? it is sad that your husband takes so little interest in your son. i understand the counseling and depression. my husband needs counseling terribly, but won't go. he doesn't stay in and not go anywhere though, he just goes out and never comes back. i am in the same predicament, give up or give in?? is there a better chance for happiness somewhere else in the world? or if i leave, will i be destined to be single forever? is this really as good as it gets?

 

i think you need to really talk to him. get him back in counseling. tell him why you think having another child with him is a bad idea. give him a good dose of reality. it takes a strong person to get up and leave a marriage. but i think it takes an even stronger person to stay in it and try to make it work. best of luck to you.

[Summerday]

I think you should follow your heart, if your in love with him then try and make it work, if not then move on. Also, I beleive people only change temporarily...