NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Well i'm not going to get into how it all happened but yes me and my ex are talking now NC has been trashed. It's not as bad as i expected....i think i'm more over him than i thought i was...especially after finding out a few weeks ago he was sleeping around with other women....kinda ruled out any chance of anything between us ever again in my books...made me easier to place him and engrave him on the mates list. I'll have little catch ups with him via msn...now and then...if he gets too close..i can leave the convo and say im busy...easy! And i dont have to see him. I can handle it, he's hurt me in every way possible - i dont think there's nothing else he can hurt me with!
KittenMoon Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 i think i'm more over him than i thought i was...especially after finding out a few weeks ago he was sleeping around with other women....kinda ruled out any chance of anything between us ever again in my books... If his actions REALLY and TRULY make you feel like there's not going to be anything between you ever again, more power to you! In fact, if you really feel like you want him as a friend, YOU'VE got the power to decide when/how/why you have contact or hang out, if you want to. Though this doesn't necessarily strike me at the healthiest friendship material...
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 18, 2006 Author Posted July 18, 2006 yeah i know what you mean...im just going to keep my distance...very far! I'll talk to him online if he initiates the conversation other than that i won't bother with him and alway steer it away from the past between us or anything personal. avoid meeting up till mid November when my best mate gets back from spain - then i'll probably bum into him wn she has a get together of all our mates....and by then i think i'll be feeling alot stronger in myself than i am now and i can see a difference in myself already i feel loads stronger! go me!
morphius Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 and i can see a difference in myself already i feel loads stronger! go me! Go you! Morph
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 18, 2006 Author Posted July 18, 2006 Go you! Morph cheers morph! i'll have a heart of stone in no time
2020vision Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I think you are in a form of denial. I have been there before, so I know where you are coming from. It doesn't hurt to talk to him at first, but it will hit you. Would you be okay if he talked about another woman?? You have to be prepared for this because it will happen. I can handle it, he's hurt me in every way possible - i dont think there's nothing else he can hurt me with! Trust me, there are more ways that he can hurt you. Why would you want to be in contact with someone who has hurt you?? It sounds like you are looking for approval by creating this thread so you are doubting the contact. If I were you, I would run away from this situation and never look back. Best Wishes, 2020
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 18, 2006 Author Posted July 18, 2006 I think you are in a form of denial. I have been there before, so I know where you are coming from. It doesn't hurt to talk to him at first, but it will hit you. Would you be okay if he talked about another woman?? You have to be prepared for this because it will happen. Trust me, there are more ways that he can hurt you. Why would you want to be in contact with someone who has hurt you?? It sounds like you are looking for approval by creating this thread so you are doubting the contact. If I were you, I would run away from this situation and never look back. Best Wishes, 2020 I won't lie...it will probably hurt a little...but that's because he broke up with me because he doesnt have the time to give to a relationship....and i'd be hurt because...he would have lied to me...but to be honest...he really doesnt have the time for anything apart from one night stands and he wont have the balls to say anything about them to me because he never wanted me to find out because apparently HE was in a drunken state of 'denile' over 'us' lol It'll hurt but not terribly if he ever talked affectionatly about another girl and the hurt would probably be the shock of it and thats all...
2020vision Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 but that's because he broke up with me because he doesnt have the time to give to a relationship....and i'd be hurt because...he would have lied to me...but to be honest...he really doesnt have the time for anything apart from one night stands and he wont have the balls to say anything about them to me because he never wanted me to find out because apparently HE was in a drunken state of 'denile' over 'us' lol It'll hurt but not terribly if he ever talked affectionatly about another girl and the hurt would probably be the shock of it and thats all... That line is BS. He doesn't have time for you?? When a man loves a woman NOTHING will get in the way. I am sorry if I am the first one to tell you that, but its the truth. He sounds like he is a leech, don't let him suck all the life out of you.
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 18, 2006 Author Posted July 18, 2006 That line is BS. He doesn't have time for you?? When a man loves a woman NOTHING will get in the way. I am sorry if I am the first one to tell you that, but its the truth. He sounds like he is a leech, don't let him suck all the life out of you. i know, i won't.....and i don't believe he ever did love me personally
bendit Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 you are settling for table scraps. why? what is in this for you? why be friends with someone who hurt you and will do it again? regards
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 you are settling for table scraps. why? what is in this for you? why be friends with someone who hurt you and will do it again? regards we share the same friends...makes things easier for everyone you see.... if it wasn't that way i would have said adios to his ass a long time ago!
In Sync Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 we share the same friends...makes things easier for everyone you see.... if it wasn't that way i would have said adios to his ass a long time ago! You'e wiling to endure an unpleasant situation because it makes it easier for everyone else...uh, this is your life. You come first. Then the friends.
LaraV Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Nights - I admire you if can do this. Just the thought of my ex - forget about even talking to him or seeing him - makes me want to curl up in a ball and die. You may have way more strength than most of us. I do agree with 20/20 in that saying you don't have time for a relationship is pure BS. But well, now just make sure you call the shots, and not him.
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 I know he's someone i will have to face at some point in the future.... I haven't seen half my friends since we split because they were his mates first and whenever they go out he's there....etc etc His two best mates who i were friends with before i dated him they both saw the way he treated me and both think he is a complete w**k*r and have been very supportive. Anyway...when i do eventually see him face to face in November i have a feeling he'll do something sooner or later that'll hurt me enough to have an excuse to cut him out of my life forever....he has a knack for hurting me day after day after day...and it might sound wierd but i can feel a big something brewing and he'll hurt me i know it...then i can be rid of him forever...yays!
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 Nights - how long ago did you and him break up? erm about almost 4 months ago
2020vision Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Anyway...when i do eventually see him face to face in November i have a feeling he'll do something sooner or later that'll hurt me enough to have an excuse to cut him out of my life forever....he has a knack for hurting me day after day after day...and it might sound wierd but i can feel a big something brewing and he'll hurt me i know it...then i can be rid of him forever...yays! After reading your posts, I do not see a reason that you NEED to see him still...If you have mutual friends, they will understand and hang out with you seperatley. Its just part of a break up, my friends have gone down by 75% in the last year because of my break up, but its just the way things have to be. Excuse me for being blunt, but I think you are missing the point here. Why are going to wait to hurt even more before calling it quits?? This sounds like a form of self mutilation to me...You need to cut all ties and try your hardest to heal from the hurt that has already been done to you...you are prolonging this whole situation. Sometimes we get used to situations full of drama, and we start accepting them and pretty soon they become a habit. Break this habit... Don't talk to him, message him, and definetley don't see him in November. Its really just going to drag everything out and make you dwell on the situation even more. There really is no reason to, whatever it is.
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 After reading your posts, I do not see a reason that you NEED to see him still...If you have mutual friends, they will understand and hang out with you seperatley. Its just part of a break up, my friends have gone down by 75% in the last year because of my break up, but its just the way things have to be. Excuse me for being blunt, but I think you are missing the point here. Why are going to wait to hurt even more before calling it quits?? This sounds like a form of self mutilation to me...You need to cut all ties and try your hardest to heal from the hurt that has already been done to you...you are prolonging this whole situation. Sometimes we get used to situations full of drama, and we start accepting them and pretty soon they become a habit. Break this habit... Don't talk to him, message him, and definetley don't see him in November. Its really just going to drag everything out and make you dwell on the situation even more. There really is no reason to, whatever it is. It was actually our mutual friends who have persuaded me to talk to him...guilt tripped me into it to be more precise....and him aswell texting me till 4am on my birthday the other night..trying to pull those heart strings... Oh everythings so messed up now...and after unblocking him on msn he's avoiding talking to me...after all the moaning he's done...i'm thinking of creating a new msn address for people i want to keep in touch with...and telling everyone else my computers broken...what do you think? that means i can get away from him and the guilt trips his mates are throwing my way
bendit Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Look at how much energy you are extending just by this minimal amount of communication you have set up. Now you are wondering when he will respond. You are getting emotionally dragged back in. He knows how to play you, you realize that don't you? You know he is going to hurt you again; you said so. This renewed contact is really about you and why you can't cut the ties. My guess is that you miss some of the aspects of your relationship with him "the good parts" and haven't filled that void yet. 2020 is right. Friends will come and go. Go out and make some new ones. Accepting contact when it harms you for the "friends" is really faulty reasoning, and in my book, just an excuse to maintain contact with someone you find hard to give up. This is your chance to start fresh in so many ways. Boyfriend, friends...you name it. I would really examine your motivations for remaining in contact. Be honest with yourself and get to the real answer. It may surprise you. Best of luck. regards
LaraV Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 It was actually our mutual friends who have persuaded me to talk to him...guilt tripped me into it to be more precise....and him aswell texting me till 4am on my birthday the other night..trying to pull those heart strings... Oh everythings so messed up now...and after unblocking him on msn he's avoiding talking to me...after all the moaning he's done...i'm thinking of creating a new msn address for people i want to keep in touch with...and telling everyone else my computers broken...what do you think? that means i can get away from him and the guilt trips his mates are throwing my way Nights - Do NOT let anybody guilt trip you into anything - especially not being friends with your ex! That is something YOU have to decide when and IF you ever want to actually do it. On your own! You're not on your mutual friends' or your ex's timetable anymore. YOU call the shots now. YOU are the one that should decide when and IF you want to make contact. If you have friends in common, of course it makes sense that things would be much more comfortable if you and your ex could get along - and if you think you can do it, then fine, go ahead. However, it seems to me that it's a bit too soon, and I can see that you feel ambivalent about the whole thing. Take as much time as in necessary. Don't rush into being "civil" or being "friendly" toward your ex just because your friends want you to. If they are indeed your "friends," they will understand that you need time - as much and as long as is necessary. If they just don't get that, then you need a new group of friends.
2020vision Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 It was actually our mutual friends who have persuaded me to talk to him...guilt tripped me into it to be more precise.... Your "friends" sound just as fabulous as your ex... its sounds like you need to do a self evaluation and figure out what is going on in your life. I cannot imagine one of my friends guilting me into talking to someone who has hurt me. You don't want to live your life this way do you? As bendit said, you are getting sucked back in. You don't need him...remember that. Break the ties.
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 I understand what you're all saying guys and i know you have my best interests at heart...so i'm going to listen to you...i've decided...i'm going to set up a different msn addy for my 2 best friends (who arent his mates) and if anyone says anything about me being offline all the time....my computer is broke! lol They'll never know! - what do you think?
2020vision Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 You have definetley made a stride in the right direction. However, you need to more than change your msn address. You need to block his number or change your number because he will probably not leave you alone. And I do not think you are strong enough to not accept his contact. You just have to keep one thing in mind, his attempts at contact with you are shallow, selfish and pathetic don't accept that.
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 You have definetley made a stride in the right direction. However, you need to more than change your msn address. You need to block his number or change your number because he will probably not leave you alone. And I do not think you are strong enough to not accept his contact. You just have to keep one thing in mind, his attempts at contact with you are shallow, selfish and pathetic don't accept that. He is selfish...and very insensitive...i dont need it.... Wow i so need to have things to look forward to or somewhere to get away to
Recommended Posts