Guest Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I was in a relationship for 5+ years. In that entire time my SO was completely selfish. I never received a birthday, Christmas or Valentine's gift in that entire time. (I know, I was stupid) I would like to add that I always gave gifts to him for these occasions. My question is will he now be less selfish and treat the person he left me for in a completely different way or do old habits continue? What if he ends up marrying this person? Will he change for 'the one'?
Guest Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I was in a relationship for 5+ years. In that entire time my SO was completely selfish. I never received a birthday, Christmas or Valentine's gift in that entire time. (I know, I was stupid) I would like to add that I always gave gifts to him for these occasions. My question is will he now be less selfish and treat the person he left me for in a completely different way or do old habits continue? What if he ends up marrying this person? Will he change for 'the one'? I don't think so. He might try for a bit in the beginning, but will most likely fall back into his old patterns at some point. Don't we all ;-) Did he ever admit he has faults? If not, then things will definitely not change. Even if we do admit we have faults, how easy is it to change? I for one find it extremely difficult. How about yourself?
silly0234 Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I have been wondering the same thing. My ex of over 5 years left me almost 4 months ago to begin dating someone else. He made all these claims of using "our experiance" as a motivational tool to make himself better and make his next relationship good. I am willing to bet he treats her like freakin gold. After everything I put up with, I bet now is the time he will realize how wrong he really was to me and be great to her. It makes me mad thinking about it.
LaraV Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I was in a relationship for 5+ years. In that entire time my SO was completely selfish. I never received a birthday, Christmas or Valentine's gift in that entire time. (I know, I was stupid) I would like to add that I always gave gifts to him for these occasions. My question is will he now be less selfish and treat the person he left me for in a completely different way or do old habits continue? What if he ends up marrying this person? Will he change for 'the one'? Ahhh, this is a hard one. Sadly, I think they do - but not in that they "change" for the other person, but that different people make you act in different ways. When I was with my ex fiance of many, many years, I always found it difficult to meet him half way. I just hated compromising with him - I wanted to meet my needs, and if he couldn't deal with them...well, tough cookies, I used to think. With the guy that just left me ... well, I think I would have made any kind of compromise with him. Not to say that I "lost" myself in the relationship, but it just made me be different. Not better or worse, just different. Some people never change though. I don't know, but I do know that different people make us be different with them because we feel different toward them. Does that make any sense?
2020vision Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I think that people do not change. In my experience, my ex is the same person he was when I was with him. He calls me and attempts to see me just like he did with his ex girlfriend when we were together. My ex would never admit he was wrong and look whats happened to him. He is repeating the same mistakes. However, IMHO I think you need to not worry about this. Your ex is an a** for being that selfish. Move on to better thoughts and try to block thoughts out of your mind as to what he is doing. I know, its hard (obviously, since I am still bringing it up! ) BUT, you have to move on somehow. Best Wishes, 2020
In Sync Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I was in a relationship for 5+ years. In that entire time my SO was completely selfish. I never received a birthday, Christmas or Valentine's gift in that entire time. (I know, I was stupid) I would like to add that I always gave gifts to him for these occasions. My question is will he now be less selfish and treat the person he left me for in a completely different way or do old habits continue? What if he ends up marrying this person? Will he change for 'the one'? There's two kind of change superficial and deep rooted change. I think. We all change when it comes to meeting a new person. We wear a different face and behave accordingly for each person we meet, but underneathe is still the same person who's habits and issues are still there (and the issues will resurface if they haven't been dealt with honestly..there's only so much burying we can do ) BTW you're not stupid because of the selfishness of your ex, my ex was selfish too. Same story with me, no card no gifts even though I gave to him, but you know what? It's not a reflection of you, it's a reflection of them. The fact that you were considerate to give a gift is a reflection that you were thoughtful. Though it was not appreciated, your giving does not make you stupid.
sickkitty Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Id like to say no they never change but they do at the start of the relationship My x was exactly like urs, id give him cards gifts e.t.c and the only time hes done the same was bcoz hes had 2!!!! So my Ex left me "2 Find himself" BS hes now going out with the girl i new faniced him all through our relationship well congrats 2 her she finally got him, the thing is she like £££$$$$ (money) and at the mo he is unemployed!!! But get this he sent pink roses 2 her work place (in a yr of us seeing each other he never once bought my flowers) hes also taking her on holiday 4 2 wks in august (again i never went on hol with him) at the end of the day its no big loss ull find some one who will treat u the way u should b treated as will every one here xx Amanda xx
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 If they didn't change for you the only way they will be changed in another LtR would be if they were " wiped ". Sure they might mask their true self but if they were unfair to you, and you were a good person It just shows their true colors. Even if they treat this person like a queen doesn't meen their bargained for a good ride. Maybe by the OP treating them poorly will make them change.
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