In Love With Best Friend Dilemma

[guest]

This seems to be a recurring theme, "I am in love with my best friend." Well folks I am in the same situation. Let me tell you all my story. How it left me broken hearted and feeling like a big piece of loser ****.

 

I have been in love with her since December. We have known each other for almost a year. Became very close friends, emotionally, together all of the time.

She was in a rebound relationship until March. Was in a 3.5 year relationship with an abusive, nasty, ugly person. This person did not deserve her. 2 months later she jumped into another relationship that lasted until March. I can remember her calling me on the phone and saying I am going to breaking it off with my current partner. How would so & so feel about you dating around? That same night we slept together for the first time. Same thing happened the next night.

 

After that we both admitted having feelings for each other. She made it clear she didn't want to jump into anything with me b/c she needed to work out all of her problems that she never correctly dealt with from her abusive relationship she was in (before the rebound.) She didn't want me to be a fling. She was jealous of the girl I was going out with, she did admit that.

Maybe in a few months if we both feel the same we can see what happens.

Pfftt... so yes boys & girls I held my damned breath since March for her. I was there for her emotionally. Would freakin chop off my arms & legs for her if I had to.

 

She even told me at one point if I start seeing someone and she is ready she will tell the bitch to back off of me. One minute she would tell me we would never happen b/c we are better as friends, next minute she would say you have no ideal how i feel about you and I dont want to.

 

She sent lots of mixed signals. One night she asked me if I wanted to come in and cuddle with her back in April. Which I did. We ended up having sex again.

Finally I asked her again if we could take the friendship to another level. She said no. I can't ask her of this right now b/c she has to much **** to deal with and isn't ready. she doesn't want to be with anyone right now, ect. She doesnt want to lead me on.

 

In May she invited me over to watch movies, ect. We got a lil drunk and I told her that I am madly in love with her. She asked me why I like her so much besides looks. She told me she doesnt want a serious relationship. Said we really connect. We had sex again.

 

She and I would talk all the time on the phone. Her calling me. I never called her. She always seems to compare me to her abusive ex. Not in a bad way, but more like "you will sit down and talk to me about a problem, but my ex wouldnt, ect."

Wanna hear about mixed signals? She told me on the phone thanks for not pressuring me like my ex does (rebound ex). She also would say stuff like if you like me now you will like me even more after i get therapy, or maybe you just like crazy girls.

Oh even better. You have a decent job. Are stable and can keep a job, own your own home, ect.

 

Well because of the abusive ex & finacial problems she has moved in with me. We had it out before she moved in. I brought up that I am madly in lvoe with her again in June. She told me we and I had sex when we were drunk and basically it meant nothing. She wants a fling, that we were not a fling. that she doesnt want to be monogamous. that she never chased me i chased her and that i never listened to her when she told me she didnt want me. that we connect as friends. she and i will never happen. that we shouldnt get drunk and mess around anymore. she also said that people say things they dont mean when they are drunk.so everything she said to me about liking me & the sex meant nothing & were all lies. she said lots of hurtful things. she even told me you had hope in a very mean way. she told me she doesnt date her friends and if i was her friend i would want to date her.

 

so now she is living with me. we get along. i still harbor these feelings for her. her smile & laugh makes me melt. it hurts b/c we would have made a great team. we connect in everyway possible. i fell in love with her as a person. she is beautiful on the inside as well as the outside.

but i hurt so bad on the inside. i feel rotten. i feel stupid b/c i trusted in everything she said. i hung on to her words. It sucks b/c she made me feel like I just am not good enough for her.

 

My advice is don't mess around or fall in love with your friends. I've been hurt so badly.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Living with her is probably not good for you under these circumstances. Are you roommates or are you supporting her? If so, you are basically being used. She knows how you feel about her - remember that.

 

You are not the only person who ever feel in love with and had sex with a best friend. It either works out really well, or it works out really badly - usually badly.

 

You need to help your friend find her own place, and try to move on. You may also want to re-evaluate whether continuing the friendship is good for you.

[Outcast]

Well, more like don't fall in love with friends who have major issues. For whatever reason, this gal is a couple fries short of a happy meal. Sometimes we fall for entirely the wrong people; people who are seriously messed up to the point that they'll not likely be repaired in this lifetime. It's very sad, but the best we can do is turn them over to God (if you believe) or Fate (if you don't) and wish them the best.

 

Your presence in the life of someone like that only once in a very long while can bring about change, sadly. It's rare enough that there's no point in hoping for change. The sooner you let her go and cut off all contact so you can heal and move on, the better.