husband telling girl that he use to have a crush on her

[the_opposite_sex]

so i noticed in part of a message(on myspace nonetheless) to a girl he went to school with in junior high and part of high school, that he mentioned that he use to have a crush on her. My first reaction was that it was kind of inappropriate for a married man to tell someone that. Apparently, he was good friends w/ this girl's brother back in the day. Then yesterday, he just sent her a random message saying what he was up to, asking her what she was up to, that sorta thing....sounded like just a message out of boredom, but its pretty obvious he enjoys talking to her or he wouldn't have just sent her a random message like that.

 

do i have reason to be concerned? because i am:(

[JackJack]

IMO, it was inapproperiate for him to tell her that, plus pointless as well, unless he is wanting to hook up with her. He has no business corresponding back and forth with her. I'll be glad if/when they get rid of MySpace.

[the_opposite_sex]

IMO, I'll be glad if/when they get rid of MySpace.

 

i agree

 

its done nothing but cause problems in our relationship...i use it to keep in touch w/ old friends, thats the only reason i keep it around

[PandorasBox]

Theres other sites or ways to be able to keep in touch with family and friends too. Are you going to ask him about it? I'm sure he will try to justify "why" he is talking with her and probably tell you that you're over reacting. If you don't say anything just yet, i would keep and eye on it to see where its going.

[the_opposite_sex]

yes i'm definitly gonna confront him. This has happened before...i've found messages to girls that i've found inappropriate...tho he has never cheated on me, least to my knowledge. we've been together 5 1/2 yrs and just got married a month ago..i'm also 6 mts pregnant.

 

i just...i dont know...dont get it, dont understand it. i really have a feeling that he's gonna say i'm overreacting and that the conversation is gonna get nowhere....b/c he'll also say he doesn't know why he did it and/or found nothin wrong with it. can't you tell i've been thru this w/ him before?

[PandorasBox]

He will continue to do it as long as you allow it. No, I'm not saying you are the cause for why he is doing this, but as long as you allow this kind of behavior from him he will keep doing it. Put your foot down about it, if he still does it, get rid of the computer. Will it solve things? Maybe maybe not, but at least he will know you are serious on the matter. Then he will have a choice as to straighten up and fly right or not. Also, I'm not saying this is why, but please don't continue to stay with him becasue you are expecting a child. He has to want to change his ways, if he doesn't, don't be his doormat and you have all the burden of taking care of a child while he keeps having his fun with talking to these other girls.

[the_opposite_sex]

well this girl's response to his saying that he use to have a crush on her..she was like "yea i knew you had a crush on me b/c you looked at me as if the sun rose and set in my eyes"

 

i'm thinkin about confronting her as well...should i or just speak w/ my husband first? or just leave her alone, period?

[littlekitty]

Leave her alone for now. Does she know he's married now? Either was, it wasn't her who instigated the conversations, she's simply replying.

 

It's your husband who is at fault here.

[the_opposite_sex]

yes she knows we're married and thats what is weird...he told her all about me and the upcoming baby and then says "yea i use to have a crush on you, didnt know if you knew back then or not" not all in the same message, but it makes no sense...none...

[littlekitty]

yes she knows we're married and thats what is weird...he told her all about me and the upcoming baby and then says "yea i use to have a crush on you, didnt know if you knew back then or not" not all in the same message, but it makes no sense...none...

 

Hmmm her comment was a bit close the mark then IMO since she knew he was married. Why not just say, yeah I knew?! But still, I think you should leave her out of this at present, she hasn't really done much wrong here.

 

Seems to me that since he was telling her all about you etc, that the last comment was perhaps just an after thought. Perhaps he genuinely wondered if she ever realised? Sometimes it is interesting to find out something like that.

 

I would suggest that when you talk to your husband, you make it clear what your boundries are for myspace. What are you happy for him to do, and what is over stepping your boundries. With these in place, he'll know what's stepping over the line and what is ok with you.

[the_opposite_sex]

I would suggest that when you talk to your husband, you make it clear what your boundries are for myspace. What are you happy for him to do, and what is over stepping your boundries. With these in place, he'll know what's stepping over the line and what is ok with you.

 

he should already know...we've been thru this a few times before..

[littlekitty]

he should already know...we've been thru this a few times before..

 

Ahhh. Then he deserves a damn good telling off.

 

It seems he either isn't listening to your boundries, is ignoring them out of choice, or doesn't understand what is inappropriate.

 

Did you say any contact with females was over stepping the boundry? What did you set as the boundries?

 

I wish I could help, at 6 mnths pregnant, the last thing I suspect you need is this!

[the_opposite_sex]

i dont mind him talking to girls....but it seems like everytime he talks to them online, i discover something like this....its been a long time since we've had this talk but he's very familiar with it....i remember telling him dont say anything that would give a girl the wrong idea. I've also said don't say something to someone that you wouldn't say in front of me..i highly doubt he'd tell a girl that he had a crush on her w/ me standing right there...

[purspeed]

Let me guess, no one else in the world can make you happy, right? She is the only one for you.

 

How can you expect her to value you (and not cheat or leave you) when you don't even value yourself, dood?

[littlekitty]

i dont mind him talking to girls....but it seems like everytime he talks to them online, i discover something like this....its been a long time since we've had this talk but he's very familiar with it....i remember telling him dont say anything that would give a girl the wrong idea. I've also said don't say something to someone that you wouldn't say in front of me..i highly doubt he'd tell a girl that he had a crush on her w/ me standing right there...

 

Well, to me that is perfectly clear. A sensible way to explain what is expected of him.

 

I can't understand why he's still carrying on with the same behaviour? He either just isn't getting it, or doesn't respect you enough to carry out your request. Or perhaps he would tell her in front of you?

 

Have you spoken to him yet?

[kulyok]

Since you are pregnant, it might mean you haven't had sex for a long time, so he starts to look at other women.

 

I'd give him some good oral sex. Maybe a handjob. Get him in a hot and cold shower and do him all over. Whisper some fantasies in his ear about how things will be when the baby is born and you are slim again.

[the_opposite_sex]

he basically said that crush was back in elementary school

[Elyssa]

Since you are pregnant, it might mean you haven't had sex for a long time, so he starts to look at other women.

 

I'd give him some good oral sex. Maybe a handjob. Get him in a hot and cold shower and do him all over. Whisper some fantasies in his ear about how things will be when the baby is born and you are slim again.

 

Yeah let's reward inappropiate behavior!

 

Not.

 

What this man needs is a good telling off, as it has already been suggested.

 

Make it clear to him what you expect, and make sure he understands. Don't just let it go and frown if it happens again.

 

-Elyssa

[Dadubwa]

CONFRONT HIM...but remember...

 

He's a guy. He might find things like that, just a brush off....a "no big deal". So when you confront him, he'll act the same way. Like it's not a big deal.

 

IF HE DOES HOWEVER MAKE A BIG DEAL, then I'd worry...if he puts up a big defense then he's obviously hiding something.

 

If he doesn't make a big deal... explain to him how you don't approve of a married man saying he had a crush on someone from years back. Then explain a situation if "you did that to him".