Met a great guy, but I'm fearful.....

[Laurynn]

Hello!

 

Well believe it or not, I met a seemingly nice guy through the Internet personals. We emailed/talked on the phone several times, then we met in person last night for drinks. He really knocked my socks off! Very handsome, down to earth, had me laughing all night long, intelligent, a gentleman, confident-but-not-arrogant, a hard worker. He's divorced, 35, and has joint custody of his 2 sons (ages 7 and 10).

 

Shortly after we sat down in the lounge, he handed me a really sweet card (not too mushy, mostly just funny) that he'd picked out, in honor of our 'date' LOL I was very impressed, to say the least.....either he's a real smooth guy, or he's a very thoughtful and considerate guy.

 

We hit it off like you wouldn't believe. We sat there for 5 hours and there was never a dull moment in the conversation. We were quickly very comfortable with each other, almost felt like we'd known each other for a long time. When we said goodbye, he gave me the biggest hug....and sorta stood there, a little shy...then he gave me a sweet little kiss (which I sure didn't mind, even though I don't ever kiss on the first date).

 

He dropped me an email as soon as he got home, couldn't stop telling me how perfect that night had been, how happy he was to have met me.....things like that, but not overboard.

 

He's taking me a hockey game Monday night (Go Flames, Go! lol).....and he has his sons this weekend, and wants me to go with them tonight (Saturday night) to a hockey game. I felt a little awkward.....I didn't want to 'intrude' on his time with his boys....and mentioned that maybe they wouldn't be too fond of 'some girl' interrupting 'guy time'......he reassured me that his sons are great kids, very easy going, they'd think it was great and that it really was a good idea for me to come. So I agreed. I'm actually quite excited, but usually when I've dated someone who had kids, they usually prefer to wait a while..to see how things go before introducing me to their kids (which I do think is probably best).

 

This guy, from what I can tell (or what he's portrayed) has all of the qualities I look for in a guy. I'm very choosy and picky....mostly because life is short and at my age, I no longer have the desire to waste time with someone who's not a good match.

 

But I'm really very scared. Things are going so well, almost too quickly. He sends me the odd email, and he's so sweet.....saying he can't wait til I meet his family, even mentioned the word "relationship" on a couple of occasions.....he doesn't come across as desperate or anything (from what I can tell, he's definitely a great catch and would have no reason to be desperate)......but he's very smitten with me, from what he says/writes.....and he's already telling me that he's been distracted during the day, thinking about me...and how nice it is to have 'butterflies' (and I feel that way too, though I sure wouldn't have mentioned it THIS soon LOL).....

 

Things are almost too perfect. In the past, I've been in relationships that started out this way.......we clicked instantly, were 'in love' in a month and already talking about a future together.....things moved so quickly (though at the time it seemed 'right').....but they never worked out.

 

So I'm trying really hard now, to temper my emotions and feelings for him....trying to tell myself to 'cool it' and take things slow......to calm down, to not let my heart get away on me. I guess I am really just very scared. He seems like the perfect guy for me (from what I know so far). We have similar views on almost everything..religion, politics, work, careers, family, our upbringing, life, etc....and if that's not enough, he has 2 cats *grin*

 

I'm just so scared. For the past many months, I've actually really not been interested in a relationship, because I just don't have the time in my life right now to end up hurt.....(if that makes any sense)......I get so attached so easily (and no, not in an obsessive/stalker-like way lol).....when I 'fall', I fall hard.

 

Something else that's in the back of my mind.....his Astrological Sign. Now I'm really not one to believe in horoscopes..I mostly find them sadly amusing and never put any stock into them.....but I do believe that a description of someone's sign can give a basic explanation of their personality. For instance, I'm a Cancer and if you read any description of a Cancer, that fits me to a "T"..from the good points to bad. It's uncanny, actually.

 

I know that a lot of my past bad relationships ....to my ex hubby, to guys who've cheated on me.....strangely enough, they were all Leo's. So I jokingly made a pact with myself a few years ago, to avoid Leo's. Now is that a little extreme?

 

Anyway, this guy is an Aries. If you search online, on any half decent Astrological Sign site, and check out compatibility between Cancer and Aries, you'll find that they start off hot but fizzle out very shortly after. 2 completely different personality types....and Aries is apparently known to be quite promiscuous and has difficulties w/ monogamy. I wish I'd never read that!

 

Now I'm sure not going to write someone off because our signs aren't compatible, but should I pay even a little mind to this?

 

Perhaps what I'm subconsciously doing is, trying to make it so that I keep myself from getting hurt...I guess that's natural. But I don't want to be extreme about it.....to the point of being overly cynical/untrusting/skeptical and always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

How can I work through this? Right now I feel on top of the world. A real sense of nervous tension/excitement..to have finally found someone who seems like such a good match for me......but the logical/cynical side of me laughs/shrugs that off and says:

 

"Yeah, you felt that way with other guys you dated in the past....you thought they were heaven-sent...you thought they were your soulmate and look how things turned out?"

 

One thing that's a little strange.....

 

I only have his cell phone number. We've usually either emailed/chatted in the evening (on the computer..as I've been quite busy w/ school).....or we've talked on the phone during the day, while he's on the job.....while on his cell. So the skeptical part of me wonders if maybe he's really not yet divorced?......

 

We got talking about our last names last night.....he told me that his is a strange one....told me what it was, and said that in the phonebook, there are a dozen with that last name, and that he's not listed but his ex wife is in there (with his last name, still). I happened to check the phonebook today...and I see his name in there......at the address (area of the city) that he says he lives in now. All the other people listed with this last name are men's names. I took it to mean that his wife's name was listed in there (with his last name).

 

Earlier this evening, he said he'd been out at a family dinner (and couldn't wait til he could bring me along to them)....and he got home, put the kids to bed, was finishing up some laundry and would check his email when done that and give me a call...if I was around. So I mailed him back, said I was around....and said, "sure, give me a call".......never heard back from him. For someone who seems so 'gung ho' and can't stop letting me know how excited he is with all this, it seemed a little odd. So of course the skeptical part of me wondered, "well maybe he's not yet divorced, or maybe he's still married?..and maybe he couldn't get onto the computer becuase his wife is there....or maybe he didn't think she'd be home and that we could talk on the phone, but maybe she didn't leave to go wherever she'd be going?".....then I wonder why he's never given me his home number.

 

When we go to the hockey game tomorrow night, he said him and his boys will come and pick me up. Well you'd think that if he was still married/wasn't 'available', that he wouldn't be letting his sons meet me, as obviously they'd let their Mom (or whoever) know about me......

 

I know I need to chill out...I know I have trust issues (and I likely always will)......but HOW do I chill out?

 

Thanks

 

Laurynn

[midori]

I know I need to chill out...I know I have trust issues (and I likely always will)......but HOW do I chill out?

The age-old question. I don't have a real answer I'm afraid, except to say this: however much you want to have a loving relationship in your life, you were doing just fine before this guy cropped up and you'll do just fine if things don't work out with him. Of course it's *fabulous* to have a budding romance -- hooray! -- and there's every chance that it will work out. I very much hope it does, Laurynn.

 

But if it doesn't, well, nothing lost, really. Are you turning down dates with other guys? How much of your practical assets (time, opportunity, etc.) have you invested so far? Probably not too much, right? So there's not too much risk there. And you realize that he's coming on a bit strongly given the newness of your acquaintance, you're not getting swept up in the current without asking questions. That's a good sign. As for astrological signs, well ... if that's something you put a lot of weight on and the prognosis isn't good I guess you ought to consider whether or not you'd be likely to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy -- and if so, all it quits now. I like to read my horoscope but I don't let it dictate things to that extent. I know that it's a bigger factor for some people.

 

It sounds like a good thing that this guy is honest & upfront about his family situation, etc. Maybe he is taking things a bit too quickly, but that needn't be because he's a weirdo, perhaps he too feels the march of time and just wants to find someone to be happy with. Nothing wrong with that, but maybe you ought to be the one who gently applies the brakes now and then. Maybe it's a bit too soon to meet his whole family -- maybe you two should have several dates where it's just the two of you before that happens. If he's a guy for whom family is paramount, it's not unsual that he'd want you to meet them -- and have them meet you. But if you're not ready, just say so -- it doesn't have to be a defensive or suspcious move, it doesn't have to be something that hurts him. If he's ready to bring you to the family Sunday dinner next weekend, why not demure and suggest something a few weeks from now? Let him know that you're not rejecting the idea of getting to know his family, you just want to get to know him a bit better first, establish a vibe between the two of you as a couple before you meet the folks.

 

Some people get this notion in their heads that they need to have someone for the holidays, and they'll rush a new relationship along the path so that they can bring them to Christmas dinner or plan a lavish New Year's Eve together. Maybe he's doing that? If so it's not necessarily a bad sign, he might not even be aware that he's doing it. Certainly doesn't mean he's being insincere.

 

Sounds like you'll be just fine. Don't jump to conclusions either way yet -- and don't let him rush things or jump to conclusions himself. He might very well be simply a nice guy who's rusty on the dating scene or just really really wanting to find someone special. If it turns out to not be the case, if he is indeed a weirdo or an otherwise bad prospect, this will come out soon enough, especially if you don't just blindly follow where he wants to lead you. If he overreacts to suggestions that things progress at a more reasonable pace, you'll have your first cue that something's up with this guy. Unless and until that happens, why assume the worst?

 

But let's face it, isn't it nice to have someone special for the holidays? Yay!!!

 

Good luck!

 

-midori

[Tony T]

Wow, you need to put the brakes on and breathe more easily. Your mind, and everything else in your life, is going way way too fast.

 

You have no basis for trusting or not trusting this guy. You've only talked to him on the Internet and in person for five hours. I've been at zoos longer than that and I still don't trust elephants...but the trainers do. Trust builds through time and experiences with a person.

 

You need to ask him for his home number and get it. He has yours and just let him know you believe in equality. I really don't think he would expose you to his children if he was married, not because the kids would tell the mother, but kids can't keep their mouths shut when required and they would surely blurt out that mom and dad are still together. This man would NEVER risk that. Trust me,...no don't do that either...but...he's single. Check him out in the local court records and view a copy of his divorce. It's public record and this should be no problem for a supersleuth such as yourself.

 

I agree with you that he is letting his children see you way too soon. However, it may be his experience is that women in the past have become disinterested in him after being with his children (not that they are misbehaved or anything) and deciding they just didn't want to be instant mamas or they just wanted to have their own children with their husband. He also may want you to fall for them, making it a lot easier for him to snag you.

 

There may be a sub-agenda here, too. You know, people don't get divorced unless there's a good reason, especially with two children involved. It could be that his ex wife is a real fruitcake or bitch and he really needs a nice mom for his kids...as much as he needs someone to love for himself. That's OK.

 

I don't think you should judge your compatibility with this man after one in person meeting. Let time pass and see him in multiple settings and have many conversations with him before you make that decision. I personally think he's going way too fast and I think you have an absolute right to be a little frightened. If a female says "relationship" twice in our first in person conversation (and directs the word relative to the two us) she never sees me again. I know you both were excited with this meeting and obviously you both surpassed each other's expectations, but at this point that is all it was. It was really nice but it was only a base hit. You've got two more bases to get to plus home plate before you have a homerun.

 

I am in agreement with you that you cannot rely on astrology in this (or any other) case. Even professional astrologers require place and time of birth to get the planetary alignments correct before giving accurate charts and compatibility charts. But I don't think astrology ought to be even a minor consideration. I think paying attention over a long period of time and enjoying what is now an association and what may or may not become a relationship is what is important.

 

It sounds like a really nice situation you've gotten yourself into. But if you don't put the brakes on and slow the progress to normal speed, there could be danger. Expectations can get far too high for fulfillment. Mistakes can be made that you could regret later. Slow him down a bit, too. You may really burn this out fast if you more forward at warp speed. I think if you take this slowly, it could develop into something very special.

 

Get his HOME phone number (or find out why you can't have it), let him know you want to take things at a more normal pace, let him know you want to get to know him more away from the kids for a while before you begin including them in many of your activities together, and enjoy the ride.

 

This whole thing sort of scares me, too. But I know many people who have been smitten like you and that feeling still lasts through many years of marriage. I wish you great luck with your new guy.

 

I will definitely be available for the wedding and expect an invitation, of course.

[Laurynn]

Thanks to you both, for responding...I really appreciate it. You both make some very good points and you've also reinforced some of the things that I believe.

 

I guess I must be "maturing" (LOL)....because in the past, I always loved how fast things would progress in a new relationship.....the faster they moved (on the guy's part), the more I believed they really cared about me/that he was "THE ONE"...haha.

 

Now, for some reason, I'm a little overwhelmed. I think part of it is the fact that I KNOW I fall fast and hard....and I'm trying to be a little more 'reserved' this time....to take things more in stride....to chill out....but it's difficult to do because he's so gung-ho. I'm almost not used to a guy being this gung-ho. The past few guys I've dated have been the complete opposite....almost to the extent of being commitment-phobics.....and wanting to take things at a senior snail's pace (LOL). Somewhere in between would be about right, I think.

 

He called me this morning, twice (I was sleeping the first time he called). He certainly doesn't hide the fact that he's excited about all this.....he'd mailed me first thing this morning, too.....and again made a comment about how he wishes we could speed things up (relationship-wise) and sorta get the initial ?awkwardness/shyness over with....something to that affect.

 

Of course the analytical and somewhat skeptical side of me is wondering, "what's this guy's game?"......Has he just never met someone who he felt he connected so well with right off the bat? Or is he just some kind of smooth dude who's laying it all on very thick to snag me?

 

I'm nervous about meeting his boys this evening....they're coming here to pick me up on the way to the game. It's just going to be so awkward, I think.....I've never dated someone who had boys, I'm not even sure how to relate to little boys...should be interesting. I worry that they'll be miffed that I'm intruding on their family time, though he assures me that they're so easy going they won't mind. He's obviously not going to tell them we've starting seeing each other....to them I'll just be their Dad's 'friend' (which is fine by me).....but yeah, like one of you had said, it might have been nicer to have spent a few more times getting to know him before getting thrown into the mix like this.

 

And Midori...yeah, something that had fleetingly crossed my mind..the whole holidays thing.....like does he have a company Xmas party next weekend and he's really buttering me up cuz he needs a date? LOL At this point, I really wouldn't feel comfortable going to such a thing.....I barely know him, and I'm a little shy when with a whole herd of people I don't know.

 

But I have to say.....this is the first Christmas in 8 yrs (last time was when I was still married, back in '93) that I"ve actually been with someone at this time of year. It's sorta nice :-) I'm not sure if I'd invite him over to my family's for Xmas dinner exactly.....but you never know? I've always felt like the sore thumb sticking out...there's Mom and Dad, and my sister and her hubby....and me without someone so I've felt sorta like the 5th wheel. It's sorta neat but then again, introducing someone to your family, to ME, is sort of a significant thing.....it's something you do when you're both confident that you really have something meaningful there.....something with some longterm potential. Will we have had enough time by then to even know that for sure? I somehow don't think so.

 

He seems like such a great catch....has so much going for him, I'm sure he could date anyone he wanted....so why did he pick me? LOL He even mentioned this morning that he's going to remove his Personal Ad. Guys I've met online in the past, sometimes they NEVER thought to do that (which sorta made me wonder)....

 

It's all new and nerve-wracking and exciting and strange and happening so fast. Maybe he thinks he'll get me into bed quicker? Not likely. That's definitely not something I rush into at all...no matter how I'd like to. To me, that's something very special and I don't just give it away on the 3rd or 4th (or 5th..) date.

 

I wish these nervous butterflies would just go away LOL

 

I think it would be awfully humourous, if I had to tell him that I thought we needed to slow things down....have never ever had to do that before.....

 

Well you've both given me good things to think about.....just going to go take some Valium here (haha..kidding) and try to take some deep breaths.

 

Thanks so much, I really appreciate it.

 

L

[Lilly]

Hi Laurynn,

 

I read both your posts and I can relate to what you've said, the whole lot (trust issues, horoscope) and especially "the faster they moved (on the guy's part), the more I believed they really cared about me/that he was "THE ONE".

 

I've learnt to 'go for the burn'. Never set myself up for the 100-meter sprint anymore, no matter how much 'he' wants it, I prefer the marathon. There can be a lot of glory in a sprint... a lot of energy is put out over a short course, everyone knows their place at the end. The marathon is epic and requires endurance... time always tells who the real champions are. Slow burning love affairs often bring the most satisfaction. Relationships that are all fireworks at first are fiercly driven by the passion that goes with intense attraction and a feeling of connection, they are often the ones that explode. I go easy now, stay light. Slow and smouldering really works.

 

The Japanese believe the west has it all wrong... start cool and in your later years share the fire.

 

I don't think there's anything weird about this guy, rather he's smitten and jumping in with both feet, sweet, but you need to set the pace here Laurynn, for your sake (as well as his in the long run). Don't place yourself in a position where you feel awkward, as you are... do what feels right for YOU at every point, can't go wrong then. Pass up going to the game for now, he'll understand if he's genuine. I'm sure it's just a matter of him wanting (needing?) to make you feel a part of his life but there's just no need to be worrying about what his boys are thinking or feeling at this stage or what he's said to them about you or meeting the rest of his family etc, it's just way too early for that. There's not enough substance between the two of you yet to be heading down that road after one date, even if it was a 'perfect' date, it was still just one date.

 

Listen to your instinct at every point, heed it.... just think how much more comfortable and secure you'll feel if you do things at your pace. Look after your wants and needs... meet the people in his life when you have all the feelings in place that make it OK for YOU to do that. Remember, the patterns in a relationship are set up very early, if things go too fast now it will set the pace for the future.

 

As for your fear that he's not divorced yet, just ask him straight out. You have this in your head now, your mind will keep looking for things to prove that maybe he's not. You can second guess him until the cows come home but you won't know until you ask him. Ask him for his home number, if something fishy is up it'll come out one way or the other, guaranteed!.

 

Don't you dare go down the "he seems like such a great catch....has so much going for him, I'm sure he could date anyone he wanted....so why did he pick me?" road. That's saying you don't believe you deserve somone wonderful, you are insecure about you, guy's antenae pick those things up. If he's a shark (not saying he is) and there's blood in the water he'll attack, don't give him or any guy that opportinuty. Turn that thought around... believe YOU'RE the great catch, YOU have so much going for YOU, why did YOU pick him?.

 

If it's happening too fast for you... slow it all down to your comfort zone level. Can't go wrong then!. Just my 2 cents, best wishes!.

[Laurynn]

Well, he (and his boys) picked me up around 6. I was quite nervous, after all, this would have only been my second time out with him. He was so sweet. He knows I love cats (so does he) and he bought me this tiny, hard covered book about cats, wrapped in a tiny red ribbon. Between that and the card he gave me the first night we met, it's obvious to me (I think) that he puts a lot of thought into little things....and it's little things like this that I really appreciate (don't need roses, material things...just a little note or card, things like that).

 

We had a great time at the game. I caught him looking at me a couple of times, with a grin on his face. His sons were super/sweet/well behaved and very funny.

 

Throughout the game, he made sure to have his arm around me, and every once in a while he'd give my back a bit of a massage (cuz I have a bad back and all that sitting was really getting rough)......I am really very smitten with him too, but I'm trying to just calm myself down and not let my heart get away on me.

 

He's seems like such a genuine good person.....he's got a real strong but gentle/sensitive side.

 

When the game was over, we all headed back to his truck and he reached for my hand. Then in the truck on the way back to my place, he reached for it again. I had the most amazing butterflies inside (lol).

 

When we got to my house, I invited them all in......and he seemed quite pleased. The boys loved my cats and were very entertaining.......really nice little boys....very smart.....we played several games of "Eye Spy" lol.

 

I know I don't know him very well, of course, but I think what scares me so much is the fact that there is such a strong connection there. I'm still a little shy but mostly very very comfortable. He's a very easy person to be around.

 

And yes, I know I shouldn't wonder to myself why someone like him would choose someone like me. Part of that might be due to the fact that he's very tall and pretty much on the lean/thin side......well, almost skinny....and although I'm not fat or anything like that, I know my jean size is bigger than his (I'm a size 8/9). Maybe he's used to dating a woman who's petite and a size 2. Don't most guys prefer to date a woman who's much smaller than they are? I've usually dated guys who were fairly well built/muscular. I'm sure not complaining, I think he's extremely attractive...but maybe I feel like a bit of a moose compared to him LOL

 

And yes, he's definitely divorced....and I have his home number (he'd called me from there a couple times today). I guess I worry too much...but I know from past bad experiences w/ guys I'd met through the Net personals, I guess I have a hard time really believing that they don't all have agendas, that they're not all story tellers and such.

 

I thank you for taking the time to respond. It's nice to know that someone else can relate, and a lot of what you wrote made very good sense.

 

Maybe part of me is just not used to a guy who's a gentleman......who calls when he says he will.......who seems genuinely excited about spending time with me.........Most of the guys I've dated in the past were sorta big dingdongs and I guess I don't have a real idea of what a good is like. I suppose when he's being so nice and thoughtful and attentive, I am skeptical and think he has some hidden agenda or ulterior motive. I guess trust comes with time.

 

Maybe one day we'll sit down and talk about all this...I'd like to let him know that I'm a little scared...but that probably wouldn't be the best thing to tell him (He'll think I'm an insecure, paranoid, weenie).......but I am terrified.......I want to go slow...I want to become the best of friends........I don't want to even think about sex until we have a real strong friendship going....a real deep sense of closeness and 'being on the same page.'

 

I've never been one to rush into bed with someone I started dating, but this time I'd like to wait a little longer......something more to look forward to........I think once a couple has sex for the first time, things are never the same again and it seems to me that if you rush it, you miss a lot of really important 'steps along the way'......

 

I know that he could be a big phony...but I really don't think so. He seems so sincere and humble........and I look back at all the other guys I was in long term relationships with. They were all so arrogant, to the point of being obnoxious...they laid it on so thick, they swept me off my feet very quickly and hindsight shows me that most of it was just an act. This guy seems like a really sincere person...not someone who's putting on an act to stroke/boost his ego.

 

I guess time will tell. I just hope my insecurities and fear of getting hurt doesn't get in the way........I just have to take one day at a time and take a lot of deep breaths along the way.

 

Thanks to you all, I really appreciate it.

 

Hugs,

 

Laurynn

[Dragonflys]

Laurynn

 

You are the funniest person I have ever read LOL

 

That's a compliment, I'm not being a smartass. If I ever need anyone to analyse a situation, I'll be knocking on your door...oh wait..no, that will frighten you and I'll get taken away in a paddy wagon, so I'll let you know by posting here..I'll post from a different computer so I cannot be traced through my server number...tch!..this is so hard!!...

 

It's wonderful that you have found this man, and from your description he seems to be a great catch for you. Firstly you can stop worrying whether you are moose and he is mouse, coz if he didn't like your looks at all he would have written you off already, and everyone gets more attractive as you get to know them. Just enjoy the conversation, have fun, play with kids, keep it relatively light for now. You can talk about deeper topics regarding feelings, dreams, desires, but just avoid making declarations and plans for a future together. Keep the details of your future and where you go until later and just focus on getting to know each other.

 

Everything will be fine!!!

 

Oliver

[Lilly]

Believe in yourself and trust your intuition.

 

Please keep us updated! I'm loving it so far

[Tony T]

Sounds like you got a good thing going. The kids seem to be great, too.

 

Yes, it's always a little scary when you find something this nice and wonder if it's too good to be true. But I have to think that there are some things in this world that are that way.

 

The law of averages says that if you talk to enough people on the net, eventually you'll find a jewel.

 

I'll be at the wedding, for sure.

[MAGNUM P.I.]

well maybe now if you find someone to make you happy you will quit being such a bitch to others on this board?

 

maybe you can chill alittle huh?

Hello! Well believe it or not, I met a seemingly nice guy through the Internet personals. We emailed/talked on the phone several times, then we met in person last night for drinks. He really knocked my socks off! Very handsome, down to earth, had me laughing all night long, intelligent, a gentleman, confident-but-not-arrogant, a hard worker. He's divorced, 35, and has joint custody of his 2 sons (ages 7 and 10). Shortly after we sat down in the lounge, he handed me a really sweet card (not too mushy, mostly just funny) that he'd picked out, in honor of our 'date' LOL I was very impressed, to say the least.....either he's a real smooth guy, or he's a very thoughtful and considerate guy. We hit it off like you wouldn't believe. We sat there for 5 hours and there was never a dull moment in the conversation. We were quickly very comfortable with each other, almost felt like we'd known each other for a long time. When we said goodbye, he gave me the biggest hug....and sorta stood there, a little shy...then he gave me a sweet little kiss (which I sure didn't mind, even though I don't ever kiss on the first date).

 

He dropped me an email as soon as he got home, couldn't stop telling me how perfect that night had been, how happy he was to have met me.....things like that, but not overboard. He's taking me a hockey game Monday night (Go Flames, Go! lol).....and he has his sons this weekend, and wants me to go with them tonight (Saturday night) to a hockey game. I felt a little awkward.....I didn't want to 'intrude' on his time with his boys....and mentioned that maybe they wouldn't be too fond of 'some girl' interrupting 'guy time'......he reassured me that his sons are great kids, very easy going, they'd think it was great and that it really was a good idea for me to come. So I agreed. I'm actually quite excited, but usually when I've dated someone who had kids, they usually prefer to wait a while..to see how things go before introducing me to their kids (which I do think is probably best). This guy, from what I can tell (or what he's portrayed) has all of the qualities I look for in a guy. I'm very choosy and picky....mostly because life is short and at my age, I no longer have the desire to waste time with someone who's not a good match. But I'm really very scared. Things are going so well, almost too quickly. He sends me the odd email, and he's so sweet.....saying he can't wait til I meet his family, even mentioned the word "relationship" on a couple of occasions.....he doesn't come across as desperate or anything (from what I can tell, he's definitely a great catch and would have no reason to be desperate)......but he's very smitten with me, from what he says/writes.....and he's already telling me that he's been distracted during the day, thinking about me...and how nice it is to have 'butterflies' (and I feel that way too, though I sure wouldn't have mentioned it THIS soon LOL)..... Things are almost too perfect. In the past, I've been in relationships that started out this way.......we clicked instantly, were 'in love' in a month and already talking about a future together.....things moved so quickly (though at the time it seemed 'right').....but they never worked out. So I'm trying really hard now, to temper my emotions and feelings for him....trying to tell myself to 'cool it' and take things slow......to calm down, to not let my heart get away on me. I guess I am really just very scared. He seems like the perfect guy for me (from what I know so far). We have similar views on almost everything..religion, politics, work, careers, family, our upbringing, life, etc....and if that's not enough, he has 2 cats *grin* I'm just so scared. For the past many months, I've actually really not been interested in a relationship, because I just don't have the time in my life right now to end up hurt.....(if that makes any sense)......I get so attached so easily (and no, not in an obsessive/stalker-like way lol).....when I 'fall', I fall hard. Something else that's in the back of my mind.....his Astrological Sign. Now I'm really not one to believe in horoscopes..I mostly find them sadly amusing and never put any stock into them.....but I do believe that a description of someone's sign can give a basic explanation of their personality. For instance, I'm a Cancer and if you read any description of a Cancer, that fits me to a "T"..from the good points to bad. It's uncanny, actually.

 

I know that a lot of my past bad relationships ....to my ex hubby, to guys who've cheated on me.....strangely enough, they were all Leo's. So I jokingly made a pact with myself a few years ago, to avoid Leo's. Now is that a little extreme?

 

Anyway, this guy is an Aries. If you search online, on any half decent Astrological Sign site, and check out compatibility between Cancer and Aries, you'll find that they start off hot but fizzle out very shortly after. 2 completely different personality types....and Aries is apparently known to be quite promiscuous and has difficulties w/ monogamy. I wish I'd never read that! Now I'm sure not going to write someone off because our signs aren't compatible, but should I pay even a little mind to this? Perhaps what I'm subconsciously doing is, trying to make it so that I keep myself from getting hurt...I guess that's natural. But I don't want to be extreme about it.....to the point of being overly cynical/untrusting/skeptical and always waiting for the other shoe to drop. How can I work through this? Right now I feel on top of the world. A real sense of nervous tension/excitement..to have finally found someone who seems like such a good match for me......but the logical/cynical side of me laughs/shrugs that off and says: "Yeah, you felt that way with other guys you dated in the past....you thought they were heaven-sent...you thought they were your soulmate and look how things turned out?"

 

One thing that's a little strange..... I only have his cell phone number. We've usually either emailed/chatted in the evening (on the computer..as I've been quite busy w/ school).....or we've talked on the phone during the day, while he's on the job.....while on his cell. So the skeptical part of me wonders if maybe he's really not yet divorced?...... We got talking about our last names last night.....he told me that his is a strange one....told me what it was, and said that in the phonebook, there are a dozen with that last name, and that he's not listed but his ex wife is in there (with his last name, still). I happened to check the phonebook today...and I see his name in there......at the address (area of the city) that he says he lives in now. All the other people listed with this last name are men's names. I took it to mean that his wife's name was listed in there (with his last name). Earlier this evening, he said he'd been out at a family dinner (and couldn't wait til he could bring me along to them)....and he got home, put the kids to bed, was finishing up some laundry and would check his email when done that and give me a call...if I was around. So I mailed him back, said I was around....and said, "sure, give me a call".......never heard back from him. For someone who seems so 'gung ho' and can't stop letting me know how excited he is with all this, it seemed a little odd. So of course the skeptical part of me wondered, "well maybe he's not yet divorced, or maybe he's still married?..and maybe he couldn't get onto the computer becuase his wife is there....or maybe he didn't think she'd be home and that we could talk on the phone, but maybe she didn't leave to go wherever she'd be going?".....then I wonder why he's never given me his home number. When we go to the hockey game tomorrow night, he said him and his boys will come and pick me up. Well you'd think that if he was still married/wasn't 'available', that he wouldn't be letting his sons meet me, as obviously they'd let their Mom (or whoever) know about me...... I know I need to chill out...I know I have trust issues (and I likely always will)......but HOW do I chill out? Thanks Laurynn