emmaUK Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 hello everyone. i was with my Bf for about a year. it was always up and down but we did love each other. about 3-4 weeks ago, i found out that he told me a lie 4 months ago n that has totaly ruined it. one thing i cant stand is lies and as he was the BF i trusted more then i have evr trusted any1 i just felt i couldnt go on with it n i have slowly gone off him. this was the lie.... i found out he was talking to some girl on msn, he had been round some guys he knows house (a really horrible guy who cheats on his Gf alot, does far to many drugs and treats his Gf and kids like crap) and this guy has tons of girls he talks to on msn and chats up and arranges 2 meet. my Bf started talkin to one of these girls he talks to and they exchanged msn adresses and started talking more regular. i was realyl pissed off and told him i didnt want him to talk 2 one of this guys little msn tarts and i tried to make him understand how i was feeling n asked him how he'd feel if it wsa the other way round. he said he understood and said he had blocked and deleted her. and i really trusted him n felt happy about that, he made me feel so content n like he really cared n understood me. anyway i few months later on i got a text on my phone that was meant for some other girl..... it said "i really dont know rudegirl, ive had some intense day yea, with **** going on with guess who. i wanna get out soon but it wont be for a week or 2. speak soon babe. xxx" i flipped and rang him straight away demanding to know who this girls was. he said she was jsut a friend and he'd known her from even b4 me and he was maybe gonna go out with her to a club and her Bf was gonna be there and he didnt fancy her at all etc etc. i asked for her number and text her asking her what the deal was n she said the were jsut mates and i had nothing to worry about. so even though i was pissed off that id never even heard about this girl b4 and it felt like he had kept her secret,... i decided i didnt wanna be a nagging old witch so said he could still talk to her. about a week later ... he received a text from her at 2am sayin " i just want you 2 know that i lvoe you lots n lots xxxxx" i flipped again n text her n told her to stay the f**k away from my man n does she not know that u dont text any1 elses man tellin then yuo love them. my Bf said it was a shock to him 2 and he really didnt think she felt that way and said he wouldnt have any contact with her again n if she text him he would ignore her. which he did do and he was honest about. and she ended up texing him a while later saying have a nice life. anyway i eneded up seeing this girls website a few weeks after that and i noticed that this horrible guy my Bf knows had signed her guestbook. then i suddenly clicked..... the girl that my BF had sworn to me he blocked and deleted a few months back had the same name as this girl that he was texting not long ago. i suddeny realised it was the same girl and rang him at work to tell him i knew he had been lying all along and that i was so hurt. he basically said that when i had asked him to block and delete this girl a few months back..... he just felt as though there wsa no harm in keeping talking to her because in his eyes she wsa just sum1 2 talk to and it wasn t going to go any further to him, and he felt like he didnt see why i should control who he should n shouldnt talk to. i was realyl pissed off that he had chosen to keep talking to her in secret rather then be honest with me. and i was also pissed off that it had got as far as exchanging phone numbers and she ws asking him to go clubbing with her. i ended it straight away but we have kinda kept in contact as mates since this he has said how sorry he was and he has made the biggest mistake of his life and he has learned a very big lesson and he wants me back more then anything. sometimes i feel i want to get back with him... then other times i jsut feel so enraged n disgusted by him for ruining the relationship. im so confused and i dont know wot 2 do. the worst thing is this.... i have a daughter from a previous relationship and i dont get alot of freedom at all and money is pretty tight -- it is screwing me up to hear about him having all these places to go and being invited to parties knowing he messed up the relationship with the lie but he is gonna be having great fun n will get over me realyl quick. he does say he misses me so much and wants me back but i am so confused and in 2 minds. im not sure if i want him back sometimes coz i am lonely and i will havta go back to spending alot of weekends sitting on my own at home again coz he was with me every single weekend for a year n i will just havta sit there thinkin about him out having a great time. i dont know wot 2 do and i am so confused about everything. when he comes over and is tellin me he wants me i just feel like i dont want him...... but when he is away i jsut wanna hold him n everything to be ok again. what is going on in my head. i feel like its screwing me up and i cant cope with it. i dont wanna be lonely again sitting in on my own the whole time but i cant seem to get over the lie and feel how i did b4. i feel liek an emotional wreck n feel maybe if i had some friends close by then it would be easier... but i dont know any1 in my area at all, all my friends live in other areas and dont have the money or freedom to go and see other people alot. im stuck on my own n its killin me HELP
Violet87 Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 You CAN live without your ex. You had a life before you met him and plus you have a daughter. I think that's just your lonliness speaking. Remember the reasons you two broke up in the first place. I don't think you should take your ex back. He lied to you and saw someone behind your back. Plus you're still angry and conflicted over what he did, so chances are you're not going to truly be able to move on with the relationship (without atleast holding some type of grudge). He may want you back now but in several weeks (since the break-up) I highly doubt he's changed much and chances are he will eventually fall back into his old ways. Look into his actions, not just what he's saying to be the true factor if he truly regrets what he has done. Trust is something that will take a while to heal, once it has been broken and in some instances trust can never truly be mended once it has been broken. As for doing something to keep your mind off your ex; try getting involved in some type of activity (exercise or club) or call family or friends. Put more energy into your daughter and spend more time with her. Drop contact with your ex or atleast minimize it.
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