Guest Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I've known this guy for a couple months, but I didn't actually start getting to know him until about 3 weeks ago. Well, we've become really good friends and I guess I'm kind of falling for him. Well, he doesn't want a girlfriend right now, but he says he wants friends with benefits with me. Well, me being totally into him, is going along with it, to a point. Nothing is weird between us so far, but really, what I'm wondering is, is this whole thing pointless? If a guy and a girl are friends and then they turn into friends with benefits, is there really any chance of there ever being more or is it just a lost cause after that? I don't mind the benefits right now, I'm just wondering if there could be room for more, or is that all I could be seen as: "just a benefit"? Sorry if this confuses anyone, I'm a bit confused myself. Thanks.
insomnie Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I think that if you want something more with this guy, you shouldn't go there. It's unlikely that once he gets the benefits, he will want to commit. Why commit, if he can get all the perks for free? I know it's sad, but girls and guys get into realtionships for different reasons, and the perks are a big reason for most guys. There will be little incentive for him to do things to keep you if you give it away for free, so to speak. It's the cow analogy.
Sally00 Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Hey, you're just hurting yourself by being just friends with "benefits." These are not even benefits. Because it doesn't seem like you're happy. You're wanting something more. If ya'll are already friends with "benefits", then most likely he wouldn't wanna really ask you out. He's already getting what he wants. He doesn't want a girlfriend. He doesn't want anything more than your body. He sounds like an a s s h o l e to me.
crazy_grl Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I guess I'm kind of falling for him. If you're feeling like this, then this is not a good decision. Well, he doesn't want a girlfriend right now, but he says he wants friends with benefits with me. I think a girl should be insulted by this. I agreed to this same thing once, before I realized it usually translates to, "I don't think you're good enough to date, but you're good enough to f*ck." It's not an honor to be chosen as a FWB. Most guys who are interested in FWB would do it with any girl who'll go for it. It doesn't mean you're special to him. Maybe he's not ready to date, but if he really respected you, he'd wait and just be friends until he was ready. If a guy and a girl are friends and then they turn into friends with benefits, is there really any chance of there ever being more or is it just a lost cause after that? There's really not much chance of that happening. Why should he make it a relationship when he's got sex, the freedom to do whatever he wants, and has no responsibility to you. I don't mind the benefits right now, I'm just wondering if there could be room for more, or is that all I could be seen as: "just a benefit"? Not the first time I've heard this. A lot of girls have asked this same question, usually once they were in a FWB and trying to make it a relationship. Getting a guy to sleep with you is not a step toward starting a relationship. If you want a relationship, you tell the guy that you'll pass on FWB and to give you a call when he's interested in pursuing something. If you want a relationship with him, stop the FWB. If you want FWB, get the idea of a relationship out of your head or you're likely to end up really hurt.
scrybe74 Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Friends with benefits is a dead end....for friendship or a relationship. It's the 'cat out of the bag' scenario. You can't go backwards on that. In very rare cases (and I mean rare) it progresses to a relationship but I wouldn't hold my breath. If you want a chance with this guy....end the benefits and distance yourself a little and give him a chance to came at you with genuine interest and respect. If you doesn't then you have your answer.
norajane Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 A guy who wants friends with benefits is NOT a true friend, nor is he a lover, nor is he a boyfriend. He's just a guy who wants to get some, and as long as you're willing to give it to him, he'll be getting what he wants...YOU, on the other hand, will not be getting what you want at all. Think of how you will feel when he doesn meet a girl he wants as his girlfriend and dumps your FWB arrangement? Do you really want to stick around to find out? Also, consider that you are LYING to him by accepting FWB when you have feelings for him. That's not the action of a true friend, either.
j.carsey Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Well it might not be wholesome but the question is, would you be happy with it. It's entirely personal, whether you can handle something like that and if it's going to bring you pleasure. I have a FWB arrangement with a girl that came out of a situation where we both said we didn't want to be tied up in a relationship right now. So we thought to ourselves, neither wants to be in a relationship, but we are physically attracted and enjoy the others company as a friend. So that lead to FWB the original poster here makes it sound like really what she wants is a boyfriend (someone to be exclusive with). In that case, I don't think FWB is right for you. But I would suggest try spending some time with him anyway, avoid intimate contact, and see if he changes his mind about wanting you as his girlfriend. I know that if a girl I really wanted came my way, I would want to hang out with her even if there was no sex involved
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