did i make a mistake here???

[ahh!]

Hi

 

To make this short:

 

my first bf whom i dated for 13-14 months - we broke up in august. it was bloody, and we sort of just yelled at each other n stopped talking.

 

now - i think i'm over him. however - i bump into him on campus from tiem to time, and he just stares at me but doesnt even say hi, and i find this really awkward.

 

so i left him an instant messenger message, saying happy belated (his bday was in dec), and saying that maybe we shd say hi-bye to each other, it's awkward otherwise.

 

now im thinking what an idiot - i shdn't have contacted him, just dont pay attention when i bump into him.

 

help?? any advice on how to act?

[Tony T]

I have always found this kind of situation sort of odd. Some people are able to be friendly after a break up, others not.

 

Many people need little or no contact to help in the healing process.

 

I think the nastiness of your break up has something to do with it here. Your ex may feel it hypocritical to say hello after such a chaotic break-up.

 

There is no good reason to worry about hellos and goodbyes at this point. I know it may be awkward but your relationship is over and he wants to move on. Your ex may be afraid that saying hello could lead to conversations and move on to places he doesn't want to go with you.

 

Respect his silence and just forget about it. When he's ready to say hello, he will. But there's no purpose for that right now in his opinion...and in mine too.

[ahh!]

Yep, gotcha.

 

He replied that no, it's not awkward. I simply said OK.

 

Thanks for your reply.

I have always found this kind of situation sort of odd. Some people are able to be friendly after a break up, others not. Many people need little or no contact to help in the healing process. I think the nastiness of your break up has something to do with it here. Your ex may feel it hypocritical to say hello after such a chaotic break-up. There is no good reason to worry about hellos and goodbyes at this point. I know it may be awkward but your relationship is over and he wants to move on. Your ex may be afraid that saying hello could lead to conversations and move on to places he doesn't want to go with you. Respect his silence and just forget about it. When he's ready to say hello, he will. But there's no purpose for that right now in his opinion...and in mine too.

[ParadiseMan]

Hi To make this short: my first bf whom i dated for 13-14 months - we broke up in august. it was bloody, and we sort of just yelled at each other n stopped talking.

 

now - i think i'm over him. however - i bump into him on campus from tiem to time, and he just stares at me but doesnt even say hi, and i find this really awkward. so i left him an instant messenger message, saying happy belated (his bday was in dec), and saying that maybe we shd say hi-bye to each other, it's awkward otherwise. now im thinking what an idiot - i shdn't have contacted him, just dont pay attention when i bump into him. help?? any advice on how to act?

Hello,

 

If possible try not to acknowledge his presence when you see him on campus. Also don't tell anyone about him either due to the fact you don't know who he knows. It's such a small world. He may find out you are talking about him.

 

You did and didn't do something wrong by wishing him a Happy Belated B-day. One aspect of this is that your heart still has feelings for this person. Your head tried to break it off and did in August. You are just being human. So just treat the "ex" as just another person. When and if he is to be back in your life someday then that time will come if it is supposed to. Until then be your sweet precious self and enjoy yourself not being limited in today by the events of the past.

 

I still have feelings for a woman of which I wrote on this very message board about 3 years ago.

 

A person's heart remembers the "L.O.V.E." that was between the two of you. It's normal. True love is life enduring. Sure we meet other people but the feeling of the following JOY,CARING,SEX,SHARING,WARMTH,UNDERSTANDING,COMFORT and many more too many to list that we share in a "Relationship"

 

can't be forgotten. It's become part of "who we are and have become."

 

Ok, so you had a bloody break up. You were supposed to break up then. Many people come into our life and they are taken out of our life as well. This is due to the fact that we "learn" from those people and we move on. This is a spiritual happening. Human hearts however still "feel the energy" of the relationship.

 

Hope this helped you.

 

Sincerely,

 

ParadiseMan