spinningwheels Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I have been with my MM for 6 months now. We are together almost daily. He sleeps over at least once a week, and we are planning our second getaway. A couple of months ago we went away for a week. We constantly are telling each other that we are in love, we miss each other...etc.....we speak on the phone for hours a day. When we first got together, he told me the typical story. Dead, sexless M. No communication. From his behavior, I believe him. He keeps his phone with him and when he calls home or they call him it is all about his child. Normally he just says to W, put -------(his child) on the phone. I know that they do nothing together. When he is at the house she is not and visa versa. Even when they attended a school function with her family he called me several times and then left by himself when it was over. He speaks about leaving and says the only reason he doesn't is he can't financially afford two households right now. I know that is a typical reason. BUT----We never speak of his W or M. At first I think he did want to use me as a sounding board, but I told him I didn't want to hear about her. Occasionally he will say that they had a fight (usually about childcare), but I again say I don't want to hear it. Now, I am wondering if this is normal that we totally pretend like his life outside of us does not exsist. Should I ask him about her? What should I want to know. Of course, I am very curious.....but I don't know what I want to hear. I would like to know what he would feel if she would find out...Does he worry? Does he know what her reaction would be? It seems that she would not care, because she puts up with his absence now...but who knows? Living in the same house, I am sure that they converse, and I am curious about what. Should I ask him? Does anyother OW have conversations about their MM wife or M? Should we be talking about it? Am I making it easier for him to separate his life with me with his life with her? Advice please...
Sinistervixen Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 i can relate here. I ask once in a great while if i think she called to chew him out for something. But seriously i know i dont want to know anything. Specially since he still loves her, i dont want to know that. I know they talk about stuff, its probably so mundane its not worth repeating. Or at least that is what im hoping.
makerm4me Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Yes, I ask my mm q a lot. And he asks me q often to about our so. Somtimes it bothers me but mostly I am just curious and want to see into a different part of him. You know how they relate to each other, how often they are together, apart etc... It sounds like your mm really does not have that much of a relationship with is w and it is more like an arrangement for the kids? Maybe there just isn't that much for him to tell.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Do you truly want to know about her? What are you hoping to hear (or not to hear)? My MM and I never talk about her. I didn't know he was married for a really long time and when I did find out, I didn't want to know about her. I didn't want him to feel pressured to say mean things about her. I simply told him that whatever there was between him and her, needed to stay between them. And why torture yourself? Your relationship exists outside his M and vice versa. Decide what you want to know and why. If you really want to know, then ask him. But be prepared, you might not like what you hear. And ask yourself what you hope to gain from knowing. Good luck!
notte Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 My MM and I speak about his W and my SO frequently. I won't say that it doesn't bother us to hear some of the stuff that is said, but I think it opens another door. We get an idea of what bothers us in our current M/relationship and hopefully can grow together from that. Obviously since we're together, there are other issues in our home lives. So usually nothing "good and spicey" is said that would really hurt the other or upset them. So for us, it works. Especially since he's decided to leave his W for me, being able to talk to me about their problems or situation offers a degree comfort to him. I want to be able to be there for him through all of this. If he doesn't communicate with me, then I can't.
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