Confused1971 Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I started working at this great place a year ago. About six months ago, I started work on a long term project with another guy there. We work quite closely together and the project is going to last at least another two years. Now this guy is married, few years older than me and has kids. Despite not wanting to, I am very attrected to him. It started out as a silly attraction, but developed into "I can't stop thinking about him" thing. My whole mood depends on how he was that day at work. I'm not entirely sure how he feels, but nothing has actually happened yet. There is quite a bit of flirting going on though. From what I read from a situation, he finds me attractive too but not enough to actually jepredize his family/work. He is not the type to cheat - well I'm about 80% sure. Given the right circumstances possibly something could happen. The problem is, I wouldn't want just one night stand with him, I want it all. And that has as much chance of happening as winning the lottery. I'm even considering getting another job, but I'm very happy here, it's just hard being so close to him on day to day basis. I have this constant urge to just reach over and touch him, but obviously I control myself. Now, does anyone has any advice how to get over this that doesn't involve getting another job? How do I get a grip and stop daydreaming about him? Is that even possible? I seriously hate myself.
Outcast Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I can't stop thinking about him Yes you can. You can do anything if you're determined to. Do a search on 'thought-stopping' for starters. Treat it like an addiction. And if you can't get a handle on it, get another job.
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 You deserve a man who isn't married with kids. It really isn't fair to his wife and his children if you're lusting after him. A crush and a sexual attraction is one thing...So seeing as he doesn't know how you feel, or if he does, he isn't saying anything...Keep it to yourself. He isn't yours to fall inlove with or have a relationship with. You DO have self control, and even though you want him, you can control your thoughts and fantasies by not letting it get out of hand. Think of him as a friend ONLY, not as a possible lover. Outcast is right, treat this like an addiction that you have to stop. If you don't, well, you're in for alot of pain and confusion in your life. Just go read some threads in this section to see what you might be up against. Also, go read some threads in the infidelity section about betrayed spouses, how their lives are turned upside down when they find out their spouse is cheating on them. I doubt you want to hurt his wife, his children, and yourself, by getting involved with a MM. It's selfish to go after another woman's husband.
Confused1971 Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 You are right, I don't want to hurt anybody. I have never said anything, would never say anything or make any sort of move (apart from a little bit of flirting). I don't think he entirely knows how I feel. He probably senses something though. The problem is if he decides to make some kind of move, then I would really be in trouble as I don't think I would be able to resist it. But I'm pretty sure he is a decent guy that loves his family so he won't. I realize though that even one night stand has a potental to hurt everyone involved. I think I'm taking right steps lately. We were getting pretty close in talking about personal lives etc, so whenever he starts now I just start talking about work and the project to get him off topic. In a group setting I'm completly ignoring him and talking to others. When we do have to sit on the same computer I do my best to distance my chair so that no parts of our bodies are touching. Now I just need to work on resetting my mind.
Outcast Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I don't think I would be able to resist it. Again, you can do ANYTHING if you want to. And knowing that a short period of fun between the sheets can cause you months if not years of grief should be enough to give you sufficient willpower to want to resist.
Craig Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Now I just need to work on resetting my mind.[/quoteIf you never put yourself in a situation with him where something could happen, then nothing will happen.
Guest Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 You are right, I don't want to hurt anybody. I have never said anything, would never say anything or make any sort of move (apart from a little bit of flirting). I don't think he entirely knows how I feel. He probably senses something though. The problem is if he decides to make some kind of move, then I would really be in trouble as I don't think I would be able to resist it. But I'm pretty sure he is a decent guy that loves his family so he won't. I realize though that even one night stand has a potental to hurt everyone involved. I think I'm taking right steps lately. We were getting pretty close in talking about personal lives etc, so whenever he starts now I just start talking about work and the project to get him off topic. In a group setting I'm completly ignoring him and talking to others. When we do have to sit on the same computer I do my best to distance my chair so that no parts of our bodies are touching. Now I just need to work on resetting my mind. My suggestion, from experience is get another job now! You are chemically connected and will never stop feeling as you do for this man as long as you see him everyday. He is not yours for the trying or taking, save yourself while you can.
Confused1971 Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 I think it's all going to be ok. My plan is working, and we are already more distant than we used to be. Now we only talk about work. I beleive that the attraction can be pushed back and doesn't have to be acted on. I read some of the threads here and they made me shudder. But to be 100% honest as much as I like to think of myself as a good person, my reasons for not pursuing this are purely selfish. I have been hurt in the past by men and I'm scared to hell of being hurt again. And this situation has disaster-ville written all over it. Funnily enough there is another MM in the department. We chat every now and then but I am not attracted to him in any way. He always seemed pretty shy and quite and yesterday out of the blue he started talking about sex and asked me out to dinner. He even told me about this cool new restaraunt he wants to take me to. I actually said: "Only if you bring your wife and kids!" and smiled. He was completly shocked
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