mika Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 okay, this is all very wierd. i love my boyfriend and at the same time i don't want to be with him. we have been together for over 8 years and we have a child together. we are on good terms at times but then we have major fights. he is not the most thoughtful person there is. he doesn't work, he has no driver's liscense and he lives with his grandmother. i have been supporting him for quite sometime and now i am in the hole big time. i have lost gas and water in my home and my power is next to go. i can't keep the bills up because of my other bills... house payment, car payment, insurance, child care, gas... anyway, i want to leave him so bad sometimes but then i get scared and start thinking about the fun we have and the sex. we have a great sex life. anyway, the main reason i'm scared to break things off is because i don't want to see him with someone else. i don't want him to share my child with someone else. i don't want him to be happier with someone else or treat someone else better than me. there is this guy that i know through work and he asked me out for dinner and drinks this evening. i told him okay and i'm going to meet him this evening. i know this is wrong and i would kill my boyfriend if he went out with another chick but maybe if i go out with this guy it will make me see things a little differently. like maybe it will give me hope that i need. i don't like him or anything but i don't know. i'm thinking of maybe breaking off the date because as harmless as it seems it is a date and i already feel guilty about it and it hasn't even happened yet. maybe i could suggest a seperation with my boyfriend. do these even really work? well, we've broken up many times before only to turn around madly in love again and back together. and it always ends with him saying he's sorry and he'll do better. i guess what i'm really having the hardest time with is how do i not worry about him if we break up? i don't really know what i'm asking for here. i'm scared to death that if i leave him i will be the one hurting. and then it will be too late but at the same time i think i'm cheating myself by staying with him and i feel like i deserve better than him.
norajane Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Well, if you go on the date, you are cheating on your boyfriend, or are well on your way to doing so. You also aren't being fair to the other guy if you don't like him and lie to him about having a boyfriend. You fear of him being with someone else...what makes you think anyone else would want to take on supporting him with no job, no license, and living with his grandmother, a man who is "not the most thoughtful person there is"? There aren't many women who wouldn't see him as a loser. Now, you are the one with financial problems because you are supporting him...your daughter needs water and gas...HE needs to get a job to start paying YOU child support...you are legally entitled to that. He always says sorry and he'll do better and you go back to him and never does better...he's not going to change - he has no reason to since he knows you'll always take him back no matter what he does. Frankly, you need to worry less about him and worry more about your daughter and yourself. You've hit a financial crisis, and acknowledge that pretty much the only thing your boyfriend offers you is great sex. There's lots of great sex out there...you need to free yourself to meet a man who can give you great sex AND the emotional support of a true lover, as well as a man who doesn't sponge off you to the detriment of your child. Both you and your daughter deserve better and if you can drag yourself away from this guy, you might actually find it.
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