hyakku Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Alright, I'm looking for some advice here, from both guys and girls, but I really think women are going to be able to help me alot more than guys in this question. Recently i've been trying to improve become better as a person, etc, and instead of using techniques, skills, whatever I am more natural and just out to have fun. What my problem is starting to become is that I no longer really go out with my only intention to "meet girls", and I do meet alot (through friends, talking to strangers, whatever). What is happening though, is that I don't just wanna bone every hot girl I meet (yea insanity I know ), but seriously, sometimes I just want to have attractive FRIENDS. However, the problem is that nowadays, alot of girls who are attractive want to be more than just friends, and its kind of irksome. I mean its not that I don't find them attractive or anything, but I want a valuable friendship with a woman that looks great, as just that, a friendship. However, I don't consciously really "attract" women, I just like to be outgoing, have fun, and just enjoy life, and so its not like I can just flip a switch off and go into friends mode or something. Here's something a few friends suggested: Don't make so many jokes that you would when you are with a girl that you are more than friends with. (This is kind of weird to me. Like I joke around being cocky sometimes, but i'm never overly arrogant, I just like to have fun with both guys and girls, like if me and a girl are joking around I;ll say stuff like, "you know, im not letting you into my pants if you act that way so you can just forget about it",). I understand this suggestion, but at the same time, I kind of feel like I'd be changing myself if I stopped joking like this, because they are only meant to be jokes. I mean I'm told I'm nice (not a nice guy), by alot of girls, so its not like i'm too cocky. Apologize more... This one kind of struck me as odd, but I can almost understand. I mean I don't apologize if I know I didn't do anything wrong and someone just wants me to apologize to feel powerful over me, but I will if I actually did do something wrong. However, I mean I'm in high school (I'm sure we all know hormones are bouncing off the wall, so I mean fits of unneccary emotions are common), and I'm not just gonna start saying sorry for things that I really had no effect on. My friends thinking were that instead of just dealing with girls tests (seeing if I'll stand behind what I say, whatever), to sometimes give in, it'll make you more of friend like instead of relationship material. Again, female insight on this please, because this is still kind of confusing. Less touching. This is one of the only ones I can really understand, I'm kind of touchy by nature with girls, so I guess I could tone this down. Still, I need more insight to this because I don't wanna have to develop a new personality just to be friends with ladies, it just doesn't seem like it would be me or FUN. The most obvious would just be to say in the beginning, "I only wanna be friends", but that kind of sets up a rigid relationship in the beginning to me. Any opinions would be great, and I hope I worded this post fine, it was kind of hard to articulate.
Craig Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Sooner or later you're going to need to have "the talk" with them or one day you turn around to talk to them and find yourself in a lip lock with a love/hormone struck girl you only want to be friends with. Being friends with a woman is a lot like being in a bf/gf relationship without the physical intimacy, etc. If she has a bf you're going to have to respect some boundaries when it comes to emotional intimacy as well. Lets face it you go for dinner with her, go to the movies with her, etc. feelings ARE going to develop that if not channeled in the desired direction will lead to an awkward potentially friendship ending result. You don't want to be accused of leading her on either. Best of luck, I love my friends that are women and I love my friends that are men and think having both is good for me.
Outcast Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Dude. I'm in your situation. I'm not finding I can have friendships with a lot of men who don't get ideas. So I've pretty much given up on making friends with men unless it's ok with me if they 'get ideas'. The only way an actual friendship can work is if you two are so incompatible as life mates that you could never actually live together. And if you see a lot of flaws in each other to the point that they're bearable in a friend but would be unbearable in a relationship. You see, a lot of friends' affection for each other can grow into love that lasts a lifetime. So any friend that you think highly of and whose qualities you admire can fall for you or you her. It stinks, yes. I'd love to have a whole bunch of guy friends but it's not fair to them IMHO to do it since it tends not to end well. As for having to stifle your natural personality, yep, that, too. If you're a happy person, you'll draw people like moths are drawn to a flame. I tone myself down deliberately most of the time. Which, yes, is a huge drag. I know this sounds hopelessly conceited, but I never used to think this way until I found guys I thought would be just pals getting interested and realized what it was that was causing this. I'm not just gonna start saying sorry for things that I really had no effect on. My friends thinking were that instead of just dealing with girls tests (seeing if I'll stand behind what I say, whatever), to sometimes give in, it'll make you more of friend like instead of relationship material. Huh? HUH? That's one of the more convoluted and wierd theories I've heard LOL. It won't do a thing. What you have to do is pick people who have some serious flaws as friends and tone down your natural outgoing behaviour when you're with them. Or just give up on having friends of the other gender and deal. Sigh. Or wait until you're old and wrinkly and lose some of your sexual power and then it's easier to befriend people (I'm hoping LOL).
blind_otter Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Dude. I'm in your situation. I'm not finding I can have friendships with a lot of men who don't get ideas. So I've pretty much given up on making friends with men unless it's ok with me if they 'get ideas'. The only way an actual friendship can work is if you two are so incompatible as life mates that you could never actually live together. And if you see a lot of flaws in each other to the point that they're bearable in a friend but would be unbearable in a relationship. You see, a lot of friends' affection for each other can grow into love that lasts a lifetime. So any friend that you think highly of and whose qualities you admire can fall for you or you her. It stinks, yes. I'd love to have a whole bunch of guy friends but it's not fair to them IMHO to do it since it tends not to end well. So, so, sadly true. I've given up on having male friends as well, because of this. Sad as it may seem, I tried for years but it complicated my personal life to such a high degree that I just gave up. I'm subscribing to see if anyone has any advice that i can use, too, because I used to have SCADS of male friends and now, not a one. And I relate better to men.
crazy_grl Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I know what you mean. I'm weary of talking to guys, because I don't want to have a conversation where I turn them down later. Much of the time, I do tone it down and act a bit more boring and disinterested in them if I have any concern about it. I tried to think about ways that I tell a guy is interested in me so that you can avoid putting out those signals. I also drew on some friends' experiences. Some things you might consider: - Try to smile at them less. - Don't make sexual comments/jokes or tell them how hot they are. - Try not to touch as much. - Avoid giving too much attention to one specific girl. - If describing your perfect girl, avoid naming qualities that exactly match the girl you're talking to unless you're interested in her. (That one seems pretty obvious, but a guy did this to a friend of mine... He would also ask her to the movies and lunch, just the 2 of them, and it turned out he only wanted to be friends.) Which brings me to the next one... - Avoid asking them out without other friends along unless you've established the "just friends" status. - If they seem like they're really into you, back off from them for awhile. (If they don't get the message and keep pursuing, you may need to have a talk.)
Outcast Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Oh and for pity's sakes, never ever say things like 'do you know how awesome you are?' and 'I've never known any other woman to be as (insert positive trait)'. That's the kind of thing you're supposed to say to a gf. If you say it to a friend, the friend will think you think more of her than you actually do. Do not do things you'd do on dates. Do NOT pay for her when you go out!!!!!!! You go dutch or take turns treating each other. Tell her about your friends and girls you like and ask her about hers. Don't maintain eye contact. Do everything the opposite of what you do when you're dating. Or just don't bother. It's much easier than trying to stifle yourself constantly. At least IMHO.
quankanne Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 the problem is that nowadays, alot of girls who are attractive want to be more than just friends :confused: say what? the only thing I can figure is that you're extremely cute and extremely friendly and girls want to be your girlfriend. Otherwise, you'd automatically be "just friends" with them (works the other way with nice looking women and plain guys). instead of worrying about having "attractive" friends, why not just cut to the chase and be friendly with every girl you meet? Because even if you're hot, the "nice" is going to make a bigger impression on a girl (attractive or otherwise) and your reputation will be based on that instead of your looks. As an average-looking chick, those were the guys who had staying power as friends, and because I got to know these males better, they became more handsome/cute/beautiful because they were decent guys with everyone they met. i.e., their looks didn't matter because their personality outshone those looks. Some of the hotties from high school and college were pretty much jerks and not really worth a second look because of that. Despite how hot I initially found them! one thing that helped seal those relationships as friendships was that it was established from the very start that those guys were not dating or boyfriend material because I liked them too much to cross into that area. Twenty years later, this remains a mutual decision.
Author hyakku Posted July 17, 2006 Author Posted July 17, 2006 Well first quan, I'm told I do look good (but it shouldn't make it that difficult to be friends with other girls), so maybe its a contributing factor, but at the same time (and I can't believe i'm about to say the ****ing following but whatever), can't some keep their hormones in check? Like I mean, as a guy, I love looking at attractive women, but I guess i've developed my own power where just looks can't impress me to the point of wanting to be in a relationship, that personality has to have something to do with it (sex and relationships are two totally different things). Onto the other posts: As for having to stifle your natural personality, yep, that, too. If you're a happy person, you'll draw people like moths are drawn to a flame. I tone myself down deliberately most of the time. Which, yes, is a huge drag. I don't wanna have to do this though, I mean its like saying, "Well I've gotta stop being me in the presence of my friend, WOO!". We're gonna find a way outcast, I'm too determined and stubborn not to . - Try to smile at them less. - Don't make sexual comments/jokes or tell them how hot they are. - Try not to touch as much. - Avoid giving too much attention to one specific girl. - If describing your perfect girl, avoid naming qualities that exactly match the girl you're talking to unless you're interested in her. (That one seems pretty obvious, but a guy did this to a friend of mine... He would also ask her to the movies and lunch, just the 2 of them, and it turned out he only wanted to be friends.) Which brings me to the next one... - Avoid asking them out without other friends along unless you've established the "just friends" status. - If they seem like they're really into you, back off from them for awhile. (If they don't get the message and keep pursuing, you may need to have a talk.) I can understand that. Some of it is part of me but I can handle toning down touching (though its still gonna be kind of crappy to not be able to touch friends). For example, I met this girl, who was pretty attractive, and we were talking (some light flirting, I THOUGHT gets the conversation going well, besides I hadn't decided if I wanted to be just friends or more, so I thought I can always just friends her later if I wanted to), having a great time whatever (it was a 3 day like trip or something), and she was telling me how guys like to rush into things way to quickly ,etc, I was being indifferent and relaxed just enjoying talking to her, not trying to get into anything (especially while she's telling me this. I was assuming that we were pretty much friends since she started telling me about relationships and whatnot), and just having fun talking. Fast forward few days later, I texted her making a joke (i told her we were going to fight if she called my fone making demands like she did (she had made some phone call or something) ), and she gets a bit upset saying how she's trying to be sooo nice and all, and so still thinking she's joking I go, "aww thats cute, you're having a tantrum, I'm supposed to apologize now right?" (obviously thinking it was a joke), well the next thing I know she's writing my a long text message saying how she thought I was different from all the other guys and stuff, and I'm sitting here thinking, "woah, she's writing all this as if we're dating". Then the realization hit me, that she actually DID want something further. So I mean after a few more I told her I was just joking and that I thought we were good friends, etc, and it kind of ended up well (I still think she's a bit attracted but at least I think now she knows where I stand, hopefully). Things like that are just hit me because I'm here going, "Great I'm joking around like I would with one of the guys or something", and she's here writing back as if we're already dating or something. Oh and for pity's sakes, never ever say things like 'do you know how awesome you are?' and 'I've never known any other woman to be as (insert positive trait)'. That's the kind of thing you're supposed to say to a gf. If you say it to a friend, the friend will think you think more of her than you actually do. Do not do things you'd do on dates. Do NOT pay for her when you go out!!!!!!! You go dutch or take turns treating each other. Tell her about your friends and girls you like and ask her about hers. Don't maintain eye contact. Do everything the opposite of what you do when you're dating. I usually don't say things like that anyway, so that's one thing I don't have to worry about. And usually I don't do too many dates where there needs to be treating or anything, fun things I like to do usually turn out not to expensive, or if I go to eat I go somewhere close and somewhere like a small meal, nothing where I need to be able to speak french to get what I want . The eye contact thing I can't do though, its kind of aggravating when someone i'm talking to can't look me in the eye. I'm not going to lock eyes as if I would with someone dating, but i still make eye contact alot, it's kind of just a trait that says, "I'm listening and hearing wht you're saying", at least to me it comes off that way. And finally quan, I am friendly and outgoing, I think that's whats causing the problem >_<. These are problems that I understand women have because guys are hornballs (including me alot of times ), but it doesn't seem like the problem would be like this as a guy to often as well, but its becoming more and more prevalent, and its kind of weird. Thanks for the advice so far, though I don't know how much it can help lol. There's gotta be a way though. And to maybe clear things up, I'm not talking about the friendship where like you casually see each other, maybe talk once in a while and just happen to see each other when you are with other friends. I've always wanted to have a friend thats a girl that's actually pretty close to me, like hanging out on a pretty regular basis, chillen having fun, doing stuff together, being able to go out alone (I can do it with guy friends) and not have all that awkwardness, etc. Maybe its a bit much to ask, but I feel that if I want it strong enogh, I'll find a way. Not to use some crappy old cliche, but I do want a girl friend thats just like one of the guys.
Outcast Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I don't wanna have to do this though, Me neither. One of the chores of attaining adulthood is coping with the fact that just because you want something doesn't mean you can have it. I've always wanted to have a friend thats a girl that's actually pretty close to me, like hanging out on a pretty regular basis, chillen having fun, doing stuff together, being able to go out alone (I can do it with guy friends) and not have all that awkwardness That's called 'dating'. The awkwardness is only a first couple of dates thing. Once you start going out with someone regularly, of course you're not awkward any more. I do want a girl friend thats just like one of the guys. One word: lesbians. I don't think you're seeing the whole picture. It's not just about horniness. if you find someone to be good company and a good person, those are precursors to love. So it's not an issue of controlling hormones but of understanding that a really excellent relationship has as its basis a deep friendship. That's why so many people who thought they could be 'just friends' with a married person or while married 'just happened' to fall in love. It's not like a train in the fog that seems to appear out of nowhere and knocks you flat. It's that sharing good times together and talking and enjoying each other are some of the elements that, when combined, create love.
Maria33 Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Quote-Craig "The only way an actual friendship can work is if you two are so incompatible as life mates that you could never actually live together. And if you see a lot of flaws in each other to the point that they're bearable in a friend but would be unbearable in a relationship. You see, a lot of friends' affection for each other can grow into love that lasts a lifetime. So any friend that you think highly of and whose qualities you admire can fall for you or you her." Do you think it's possible to have a friend not have feelings for you and then change later on? I have fallen for a "friend" and he said he doesn't have feeling for me like that. We have a lot in common and knew each other when we were younger too. Is is possible that if we stay friends that maybe one day he will feel something for me? I'm not planning on waiting around for that. But, I'm curious if anyone has had this happen before. Thanks!
scrybe74 Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Simple solution....tell the girl 'friends' that you have a girlfriend already but she lives out of state or out of the country. Or....tell them you are considering becoming a priest....or tell them that you don't believe in sex before marriage. I'd go with the imaginary girlfriend. Later on you can tell them the truth once you've established a friendship. I'm sure they'll laugh about it or figure it out sooner or later.
Max Overclock Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I find it to be a most interesting situation. I wish I had your problem as a young guy. A lot of what has been mentioned about keeping the girls at "arms length" seem like they would work. I would say you're on the right track. Oh, the perils of being a happening young man! Max
alphamale Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Oh, the perils of being a happening young man! yeah, must be a real drag having all those gorgeous birds hangin' all over ya
Sand&Water Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 A lot of what has been mentioned about keeping the girls at "arms length" seem like they would work. I would say you're on the right track. Yes. You are starting to compose a solid understanding. In my opinion, you decide what you want your "arms length" to define, and where "arms length" is to end. You set the boundaries. If she is sincere to you, then go for it. A good pointer to maintain a friendly scene with a girl (in your life), is to keep your feelings in check [don't sway left or right] and show appropriate attitude including respect. If you joke extensively (and frequently) that might hint to women you are the flirty cocky type of guy. The laid back type of women will accept your lows, highs, jokes, and intelligence. Just make sure you know where the friendship is going, and doubtness is diminished as much as possible.
Author hyakku Posted July 18, 2006 Author Posted July 18, 2006 I don't wanna come off as like some guy that can walk into the room, give a Fonzy look and be walking out in the next 20 seconds with minimal effort, its not that bad (though if it was....the world would be in trouble hehe). Yea outcast, I see what you're saying about the dating thing. On the lesbian thing, funny you mention, but I do have some bisexual friends that are girls, and we have a TON of fun together without having to date (I believe both of us, in one of these cases, use to be attracted, but now we are great friends, and go out and do what I said on a regular basis, we just kinda fell off towards the end, she had alot of drama she needed to handle on her own), but that was VERY rare, and since I'm away on summer vacation, I need to figure out a way for this to become more possible. To Luvmy, good point, thanks for the addition. Yea scrybe, I could do that, though i don't like lying. I find though that it has to actually be girflriend, when I talk to girls about other girls im interested in but not exclusive with, it doesn't seem to kill attraction, it usually increases it, so I may start trying that. Alpha, my inspiration is you <3 .
Outcast Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Oh c'mon, hyakku! Don't be holding back there. Go for the full
Craig Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 if you find someone to be good company and a good person, those are precursors to love. So it's not an issue of controlling hormones but of understanding that a really excellent relationship has as its basis a deep friendship. That's why so many people who thought they could be 'just friends' with a married person or while married 'just happened' to fall in love. It's not like a train in the fog that seems to appear out of nowhere and knocks you flat. It's that sharing good times together and talking and enjoying each other are some of the elements that, when combined, create love. But "love" is not the only element in a romantic relationship, nor is it even a good reason to have a romantic relationship based solely upon love. Isn't it possible to "love" someone yet not consider dating them?
Craig Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Do you think it's possible to have a friend not have feelings for you and then change later on? I have fallen for a "friend" and he said he doesn't have feeling for me like that. We have a lot in common and knew each other when we were younger too. Is is possible that if we stay friends that maybe one day he will feel something for me? I'm not planning on waiting around for that. But, I'm curious if anyone has had this happen before. Thanks! Of course it is possible for a friend to change feelings for you and want something romantic, I've heard of these things happening but personally have never changed my mind about wanting anything more than friendship with any of my women friends. It's not like I put them in the "friends zone" but that I see certain traits in them that I don't want in a romantic relationship but don't mind in a friendship. It's good that you aren't planning on waiting around for your friend to change his mind about you but do you also have plans not to wait around? My suggestion, be yourself, date others, respect the boundaries of the friendship and if something happens in the future it does.
Outcast Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 But "love" is not the only element in a romantic relationship, nor is it even a good reason to have a romantic relationship based solely upon love. Huh? I thought I said that friendship was critical! And I don't believe I've ever said that 'love' was the only element. This isn't a discussion about that. THis is about how to NOT have people fall for you. Isn't it possible to "love" someone yet not consider dating them? What would be the point? How do you come to love someone without spending time with them? Huh????
Craig Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 But "love" is not the only element in a romantic relationship, nor is it even a good reason to have a romantic relationship based solely upon love. Huh? I thought I said that friendship was critical! And I don't believe I've ever said that 'love' was the only element. This isn't a discussion about that. THis is about how to NOT have people fall for you. Isn't it possible to "love" someone yet not consider dating them? What would be the point? How do you come to love someone without spending time with them? Huh???? I wasn't accusing you of suggesting that love was the only element. My point is that it is possible to love a friend of the opposite sex and not have a romantic relationship. I don't believe it is possible to prevent people from falling for you (if you are free to be yourself) but it is possible to prevent yourself from falling for someone. If you have the talk with someone that goes something like "I am not interested in dating and am only thinking friendship with you" and they agree but later express that they want a romantic relationship then that is just the way it goes and you handle it at the time. Not every person is going to cross the pre-agreed friendship line and if they do without some encouragement on your part then they are either history or agree to back off. Again, I didn't intend to suggest that it is possible to love someone without spending time with them but I did mean that it is possible to spend time with someone as a friend, come to love them and not be interested in a romantic or sexual relationship. Dating to me is not about doing dating things only but the intention of the parties. I've spent many evenings with my women friends, out for dinner, walks on the beach, picnics, the movies, coffee, etc. and have never crossed over the line of friendship. My experience was that we were enjoying each others company not engaging in pre-romantic, pre-sexual explorations of each other.
Outcast Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Intentions are all well and fine, but they don't prevent one from caring. It's almost sounding as though there's some sort of switch you throw that turns on the 'this relationship is a dating relationship' mode or something. People have gone into relationships intending to be only friends countless times only to find their love for the person has grown into genuine lifetime-type love. That's how affairs begin. That's how come there are tons of 'I've fallen in love with my best friend' threads on LS. And I'd be willing to bet that at least a couple of the women you consider friends are hoping that your love for them will reach the 'more than just friends' point.
mishy Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 but I want a valuable friendship with a woman that looks great, Sorry??????? You can't go around choosing friends based on their looks. You say you want a ""valuable friendship with a woman that looks great"" I'm sorry but thats not a friendship..... Honestly , do you choose your MALE friends based on their looks. i think you are not actually wanting female friends for the right reasons.
Craig Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Intentions are all well and fine, but they don't prevent one from caring. It's almost sounding as though there's some sort of switch you throw that turns on the 'this relationship is a dating relationship' mode or something. People have gone into relationships intending to be only friends countless times only to find their love for the person has grown into genuine lifetime-type love. That's how affairs begin. That's how come there are tons of 'I've fallen in love with my best friend' threads on LS. And I'd be willing to bet that at least a couple of the women you consider friends are hoping that your love for them will reach the 'more than just friends' point. Yeah, maybe it is like a switch in a way...but all it really amounts to is not allowing my thoughts to drift into the romantic with someone that I know/believe would not be a good partner for me. The other thing is that we have talked about the friendship, about not going further than a friendship and the possibility that one of us might develop romantic intentions for the other. It's all good stuff, open, honest communication--dealing with the reality of these types of friendships, the good and the sometimes challenging. Most of my women friends are in relationships, married or have bf's that know about me. That's a rule I have that I am not a secret to their SO. I can think of one woman that probably wanted more than friendship from me and when she realized that I really was serious about only being friends she began spending a lot less time with me. I think the reason that people go into relationships only intending to be friends and then find themselves in love is that they haven't stopped to decide what their actions will be if they find romantic feelings developing. Usually, from what I've read people say, "I had no plans to fall in love with my friend but I did." Instead of "I had plans not to fall in love with my friend but I did." Thinking about the realities of these types of relationships in advance does prevent a whole lot of heartache and grief. Afterall isn't part of love wanting the best for the person you are in love with? If that is so then loving a friend implies, in part, that you don't do anything to screw up the friendship or cause unnecessary discomfort to your friend.
johan Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Want to be friends and only friends for as long as you know the girl? Some things you might consider: - Try to smile at them less. - Don't make sexual comments/jokes or tell them how hot they are. - Try not to touch as much. - Avoid giving too much attention to one specific girl. - If describing your perfect girl, avoid naming qualities that exactly match the girl you're talking to unless you're interested in her. Which brings me to the next one... - Avoid asking them out without other friends along unless you've established the "just friends" status. - If they seem like they're really into you, back off from them for awhile. (If they don't get the message and keep pursuing, you may need to have a talk.) Wrong. ...never ever say things like 'do you know how awesome you are?' and 'I've never known any other woman to be as (insert positive trait)'. ...Do everything the opposite of what you do when you're dating. Wrong. Simple solution....tell the girl 'friends' that you have a girlfriend already but she lives out of state or out of the country. Wrong. Here is what you do: Be a little clingy.Tell them you don't have a girlfriend.Talk about your ex a little sadly.Compliment them a lot.Act a little bit shy.Make a lot of eye contact.Nervously ask for their numbers.Act like you actually do want to date them. This may be too much, as not only will they not want to date you, but they may not even want to be around you. So pick maybe the five easiest, closest to your personality. That's how you get a girl to never want more than friendship. Everything the above-quoted posters advised you to do will actually result in attraction.
Outcast Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 someone that I know/believe would not be a good partner for me. Ah, well that's the important bit. Thinking about the realities of these types of relationships in advance But what 'types'? How did you know at the outset that they would not be good partners for you? Do you only befriend people who have obvious flaws from the outset? Because that's the only way I think you can avoid these problems and I said that at the beginning of this discussion.
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